Josh took a corner and her grip tightened around his waist. The wind whipped in her face and adrenaline raced through her. This was probably one of the most daring things she’d ever done.
Viv was the risk taker. She’d gone sky diving, bungie jumping, and even swam with sharks. And she’d invited Audrey to join her on all of those activities, but Audrey always said no, thank you. She would rather experience those things in the safety of a book than in real life.
The risk/reward was not worth it for her. But when Josh asked her if she wanted to go for a ride, she knew immediately that the risk/reward was worth it. She’d spent years imagining what it would be like to be on the back of Josh’s bike and the reality was far exceeding her fantasy.
It was thrilling. Her entire body was infused with adrenaline, and she felt more alive than she ever had before. Yes, there was an element of danger to it, but that’s what made it so exhilarating. But she would only ever feel safe enough to do something like this with him. If there was anyone in the world that she’d trust with her life, it was Josh. She knew implicitly that he would protect her at all costs and never do anything to harm her.
Which was one of the reasons that she wanted Josh to be her first. Besides being the sexiest man she’d ever seen and the fact that she was in love with him, she knew that with him, she would be safe. He would always take care of her.
When she saw that they were heading back to town, she made herself a promise. She was going to tell Josh that she wanted to be with him. That she wanted him to be her first. Tonight was the night that she was going to lay her cards on the table.
She heard her mom’s voice in her head, If not now, then when? It was something she’d started saying after she got sick. Basically, it was a mantra to live each day like it was your last. Something that Audrey had not practiced, at least in her personal life.
As they turned onto her street her pulse sped up and she felt like she was going to be sick but she knew that she had to tell him how she felt. She couldn’t let this moment pass her by, like she had so many others.
They pulled up to her house and he slowed to a stop and put the kickstand down. She got off the bike and as she was taking off the helmet he dismounted as well. As she handed the helmet back to him, she saw that her hands were shaking. She wasn’t sure if it was from the adrenaline that was still coursing through her body or the nerves of what she was about to say.
“Thank you, that was amazing.”
He smiled and her insides turned to mush. “I’m glad you liked it.”
All of her self-protective instincts were screaming for her to turn around and go inside of her house, but she wasn’t going to give in to that impulse. Playing it safe had gotten her nowhere. It was time to take a risk because if she did and it went her way, the reward would be more than worth it.
Her mouth suddenly went dry as she attempted to swallow over the large lump of anxiety that was clogging her throat. “Um, do you remember when we were at dinner...at the dining in the dark?”
He nodded.
She could feel her cheeks heating but she knew that if she didn’t blurt this out, then she would never forgive herself. “And I told you that I was a virgin,” she continued.
His expression remained unreadable as he nodded again.
She took a deep breath. “Well, I don’t want to be one anymore.”
Damn it.That sounded like something a little kid would say. What was she doing?
Her eyes shot down to her feet as she shifted her weight from her left to her right foot. This was coming out all wrong. She’d never been good at flirting. If Viv was standing here, she’d know exactly what to say. Let’s be honest, Viv wouldn’t be standing here because she would never have waited eight years to make a move.
Screw it.If she and Josh were really as close as she thought they were, then even if he rejected her their relationship would survive. And that was, truly, the most important thing to her.
She lifted her head back up and said calmly and firmly, “I want my first time to be with you. I want you to be my first.” She said it two ways just so there wasn’t any room for interpretation of her meaning.
She waited for him to respond, but he just stared at her, and she realized that he probably needed time to process what she was asking. Josh was a processor and this was a lot of data to intake at once.
“You don’t have to say anything now. In fact, I’d rather you didn’t answer. But I just wanted you to know. I don’t want to be with someone to just do it for the sake of doing it and to get it over with. I want to be with someone who I know will take care of me. Who I trust.” Who I love. She kept that last part to herself. She figured that asking him to deflower her was enough revelation for one night.
“Nothing would have to change between us. We would still be friends just like we are now.” She ducked her head suddenly feeling embarrassment swamp her. The high from the ride was apparently wearing off. “And I totally understand if you don’t want...I mean, if you’re not attracted to me that’s totally—”
“I’m very attracted to you.” His voice was so deep she felt it vibrate through her from head to toe.
Her eyes shot up to meet his and when their gazes met, the intensity in his stare stole her breath. She opened her mouth to speak, but there were no words there. He wasn’t saying yes, but he wasn’t saying no.
She didn’t have a clue what he was thinking behind his milk chocolate stare. But she was scared if she stayed there a moment longer the next word out of his mouth would be but. I’m very attracted to you but...
Since that but would ruin what would otherwise be the most perfect night of her life, she figured it was best to end things now.
“Just think about it. And thank you again…for tonight.” She lifted up on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek before turning and practically running up her front steps.
When she got inside her house and closed the door her heart was pounding so hard she was sure it was going to beat right out of her chest. She fell back against the door and slid down to the ground just as Lucy wobbled up and crawled into her lap. Audrey picked her up and cuddled her little snug bug against her chest as she tried to catch her breath.
For most people, telling someone they’d known for eight years that they wanted to have sex with them and then kissing them on the cheek would be a fairly tame thing to do. For Audrey, it was downright scandalous.