9
Josh saton the bleachers that lined the gym at the community center with a notebook on his knee and a pen in his hand. He’d felt…off all day today. He knew why. He’d skipped his morning run to Brewed Awakenings because after the night before, he was trying to put some distance between himself and Audrey. He hadn’t taken his favorite twelve steps toward her smiling face behind the counter which meant he hadn’t got his Audrey or caffeine fix for the day, which was making him a little bit irritable.
After leaving Dining in the Dark, he’d spent a restless night tossing and turning. All he’d thought about was Audrey’s confession last night.
She was a virgin. How in the hell was that possible? He had so many questions but the main one was why? He knew that it wasn’t because she didn’t have options.
Over the years, he’d witnessed a ton of men ask her out. He’d watched quietly on the sidelines as they pretty much lined up to shoot their shot with her. He’d been a silent bystander as guys hit on her and threw out pickup lines at her, some were decent most were cringy. And it wasn’t just the men that approached her, either. There was a network of matchmakers all over town trying to set her up. This was just a rough guestimate, but if he had to put a number on it, he’d bet that at least seventy percent of the town had tried to set her up with “this great guy they knew.”
He couldn’t count the number of times he’d heard someone say that she had to meet their brother or cousin or son or grandson. And it didn’t stop at familial setups, he’d listened as people pitched the new guy at fill-in-the-blank job, or the recently divorced single dad that won’t stay on the market too long, or the guy who is “perfect” for her with qualities such as funny, charming, smart, successful, hardworking who she’ll absolutely “love.”
Audrey was basically Hope Falls unofficial town sweetheart, and everyone wanted her to settle down with the ‘right guy.’
Now that he thought about it, though, he’d never actually heard her agree to go out with any of the potential suitors that were being offered up on a silver platter. Normally, she made an excuse about having a prior commitment. He had seen her take a few numbers from particularly aggressive wannabe cupids, but he’d never followed up to see if she’d called any of them. Mainly because he didn’t want to hear about it if she had.
He shifted on the bleacher and tried to turn off his brain. He didn’t think his caffeine withdrawal was the reason for his restlessness and neither was his back pain, which he was used to living with. His discomfort was emotional and mental. He wanted to crawl out of his skin and escape. It was like the walls were closing in on him.
All day he’d done his best to ignore what was building up inside of him like a pressure cooker. But not even blasting music and working on the car his dad had left him, a cherry red ’67 Chevy Nova which he was almost finished restoring, had been able to occupy his mind. If he hadn’t promised Caleb he’d be here tonight for a pickup game, he would be on the back of his bike. Sometimes, when all else failed a ride was the only thing to get his mind right.
After he got injured he’d gone to therapy for his PTSD and depression. One of the tools that his therapists had given him was that when he was feeling anxious, to get a pen and paper and write whatever came into his head.
Over the years he’d amassed several notebooks filled with random thoughts, usually in the form of poetry, not that he would ever claim that he was a poet. He absolutely was not. His ramblings were just articulations of whatever was going on in his head. And 99.9% of the time they were about the one person who occupied his mind and soul.
As he sat on the metal bench and put pen to paper his muse once again guided his way.
Lighthouse
In my darkest days and nights
Beneath the crushing midnight sky
The waves of pain crash
The currents of turmoil surround me
I am drowning
I am lost in an ocean of despair
And then I see you
My lighthouse
My safe place
My serenity
“Hey Pastor Harrison!”
Josh lifted his head and saw his childhood friend Caleb speaking with Lily Maguire, a dancer and choreographer who taught classes at the community center. She was married to Eric Maguire who was the chief of police.
Caleb and Josh were there to play a pickup game with Eric and his brother Jake who was the fire chief. Amy, who lived next door to Nonna and kept an eye on her with her husband Matt, was Eric and Jake’s sister. They also had another sister named Nikki who had married a senator. Josh had grown up with the Maguires, but since he was a few years younger than the youngest sibling, he’d never been that close to any of them.
Truth be told, he’d never really been that close to anyone, except Caleb, growing up. He’d always sort of felt like an outsider looking in when it came to this town.
As his friend chatted, Josh closed his notebook, and stuffed it back into his gym bag.
When Caleb finished talking to Lily, he made his way to the bleachers.