No one stopped her as she stepped inside the clubhouse.
Several of the guys were in the main room. Smoke hung in the air.
Raven didn’t stop, charging toward the door, opening it, and going up the flights of steps toward her bedroom. It was easier to just get it done. Not to linger or dwell.
She passed a couple of open bedrooms by the time she got to her room.
“This is exciting,” Larissa said.
She didn’t agree with the other woman. She felt sick to her stomach. The clubhouse was one of her safe places, and now, she didn’t belong here.
You don’t belong anywhere.
You’re disgusting.
Ugly.
Fucking bitch.
A slut.
Useless. No one would ever want you.
She silenced the voices as she moved toward her closet, opening it up.
“If there’s anything you want, you can have it,” Raven said.
Larissa moved toward the closet as Raven grabbed a suitcase and opened it. She had never packed to go away before. The suitcase had been bought for one of those moments of just in case. She had thought about going away on a vacation. Just the sand, the sun, and nothing else. Peace and quiet.
It had never happened.
Raven filled the suitcase and hated as tears sprang to her eyes. She was surprised she even had any moisture left to cry. This was awful.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s just get all of this stuff packed.” She had a lot of clothes. Most of which would be useless to her. She left some of the cut jeans. After grabbing a few boxes from the closet, she placed them on the bed and looked through her drawers. Her life was limited. So very limited.
She had given herself pleasure in shopping but rarely bought anything other than clothes and gifts. She’d donated a lot of stuff over the years that had never been worn.
“This is everything,” Raven said.
She didn’t have anything of her mother’s. Nothing of her past. All of that had been left or destroyed when she came with Smokey. When she wiped out her past and created another one. When Raven had been truly born.
Opening the bedroom door, she was taken aback to see several of the guys outside her door.
Brick, Ortiz, Kinky, Elijah, Hanson, and even Hunter were there.
“You don’t have to leave,” Hunter said.
She glanced back at the boxes on her bed. “Can you excuse me, please?” With Larissa near, she was on her best behavior. She wanted to tell them to fucking move, but that also wasn’t right.
They hadn’t agreed to get rid of her with Carlos.
They hadn’t known what was going on between Smokey and Carlos.
She was pregnant. A baby was growing inside her.
Raven didn’t have a clue what to do.
“Hey guys, if you’d like to help, there are a couple of boxes, and she is pregnant. I don’t think she should be lifting anything heavy,” Larissa said.
Raven stepped out of the way as the men walked into the room. Hunter took the box out of her hand.
One by one, they carried the few pieces of stuff she had, and Raven made her way downstairs to see Smokey was in the main room.
She handed Larissa her car key, and the young woman greeted Smokey. He gave her a smile and a nod in return.
Raven stared at him, not saying anything as some of the club carried her stuff out.
She then noticed that Smokey held her leather cut within his grip. “Why do you have that?” She’d left that at Carlos’s house before she went to the city with him. Raven smiled. “That’s why I couldn’t find it when I got back. He sent it to you.”
“This is yours.”
“No, it’s not. It’s not mine.”
Smokey moved toward her, and she took a step back.
“Raven.”
“It’s fine. I … I got what I deserved,” Raven said. She glanced around the clubroom. “This was all a little surreal. Being the only girl club brother. I knew it wasn’t going to last.”
“Raven, you’re always welcome.”
“No, I’m not. The moment I saw you started to clean house, I knew my days were numbered. I hurt Ava. It’s my fault. You had to do what was right for your woman, and you have. I … I thought when you gave me the task of keeping Carlos alive that this was my chance to prove to you that I … the club was everything. You already wanted me gone.” She hated that her throat felt thick.
“Raven.”
“I don’t regret it. Saving you that day. Coming here. You saved me, Smokey. Your debt to me is repaid, tenfold. I outstayed my welcome, and it’s time for me to go.”
“You’re club, Raven. We will protect you. You can throw away this jacket, turn your back on the club, but we will always be by your side.”
Raven didn’t turn back to look at him. “Smokey, I never turned my back on the club. You were the one who threw me away.”