“Garofalo?” Carlos asked.
Raven shook her head. “No, I never got to meet him, but I did know they intended to sell me to him at some point. I overheard them talking one day, I think on my sixteenth birthday. The guy who had me first, he was getting bored. I just lay there, and he said it’s no more fun when they don’t wriggle or fight. I thought I was doing something for my mom, protecting her. All he wanted was to use me to sell to the guy who he owed money to.”
Raven hated that she cried. “That’s my story. That’s the big secret I keep to myself. When I found out what they had planned and I realized what they were doing, Mom was already gone, and so, one night, when no one was looking, I took off. I ran. I ran so fucking hard away from them. I was on the streets for two years before I met Smokey. During those two years, I learned everything I needed to, to fight. To make sure it never happened again.”
“Raven?”
“It’s why I never tell people the truth,” Raven said. “I don’t want their pity. I was so fucking stupid. I loved my mom so much, and I would have gladly done anything for her. I would’ve died for her.”
“I’m so sorry, Raven.”
“What for? It’s not your fault.”
“I wasn’t there to protect you.”
“Carlos, you didn’t even know I existed.” Raven sighed, leaning back against him. “You know I can’t even seek out my justice?”
“What do you mean?”
“Smokey and my history is not exactly complicated. He came to one of the towns that I was passing through. I worked at the bar to earn some quick cash, and I overheard one of the townies saying that the Prez of the MC was coming in, and they were going to hit him then. I knew they didn’t mean hit him with anything other than a death sentence. Smokey came in later that night. He was alone, and he walked up to the bar. I don’t know what he’d been doing or who with, but all he did was hold up his fingers and asked for a beer. I had a choice. Warn him or not. I don’t know why, but something about him told me in my gut to trust him. One of the guys I hung out with when I went onto the streets told me that I had to start learning to trust my gut. That I had to learn the instincts that would keep me alive. Smokey was the first guy I looked at, and I just knew he was a good guy. He wasn’t going to hurt me, so as I gave him a beer, I’d also slid a note to him, telling him there was a hit going down.”
“You saved Smokey,” Carlos said.
“That’s how I earned my patch. I was eighteen years old. He said I was too young to know the shit that I did. Told me that he realized I’d been through some bad shit, and I had a limited-time offer. To go with him, join his club as the only female member, and he’d make sure I was never alone again, or he’d leave me at the bar with a wad of cash and a thank you.”
“So you went with him.”
“My gut told me to. Hell’s Bastards MC became my home. My family. At first, the guys didn’t like that a chick was on their turf, so I had no choice but to earn my place. Like everyone else. No one knows what I did for the Prez, just you, me, and Smokey. That’s all you need to know.”
“You’re always throwing yourself in front of bullets to protect people.”
“I have to do whatever I can to make my mom proud.”
****
Guilt ate away at Carlos.
He’d known Raven’s past wouldn’t be a picnic but knowing what he did now, it all made so much fucking sense. Even down to their sex life. Raven acted like she had never had sex, or at least was untutored.
“You’ve never been with any of the guys, have you?” Carlos asked.
“No. They’re like brothers to me, and I think I got a bad reputation for having an attitude, but I learned long ago to shut your mouth and people will avoid you. Be the one to strike first in a bad situation. That’s what I learned, and it was what kept me alive for two years. I never owned an apartment. I moved from warehouse, to park bench, to dive. Got real good with a blade, and later with my guns. Learned how to use my fists.”
And she considered Smokey her family. He was the one person who’d protected her and offered her a place.
“You’re the first one … since then.”
“Fuck, Raven, why didn’t you say anything?”