You’re better off dead.
Smokey hadn’t wanted to talk to her last night, nor this morning. He said he’d call her when he was ready.
On the phone, he sounded like he was ready, but not anymore. Strange.
She wasn’t going to question it. Her days were already numbered.
The longer he wanted to take, the more time she had to stay at home. She hoped he’d change his mind about getting rid of her. The Hell’s Bastards, the club, Fort Clover, it was her home. The only place she felt safe.
With that taken away, Raven didn’t know if she would be able to handle it.
“Oh, er, sure, if that is what you want to do. You don’t have to go. We’ve got cookies to try.”
“Save me one. I’m sure you’re not going to stop baking. It’s no trouble.” She picked up the invitations and said her goodbyes, walking out of Abriana and Ugly Beast’s home.
The pain in her chest started to build as Raven walked from town to her friend’s home.
Now she didn’t have a bike.
The church was within walking distance, and then, the library where she’d find Jonah and Larissa.
She walked toward the church, checking through the stacks of invitations and finding the one she was looking for. Speeding up her steps, she tried to run from the clawing pain in her chest threatening to erupt and drown her.
Raven had to make it stop.
Now wasn’t the time to panic, to allow her emotions to get the better of her. She had to get a handle on it. Control it.
In and out.
She tried to focus on the good. On the fresh air, the warmth of the sun, and just life in general. She was alive.
Ava was safe.
Abriana was happy.
Harlow was as well. That was all that mattered.
Arriving at the church, it came as no surprise to Raven to see the parking lot empty. She moved toward the doors, and one of them was already open. There was a sign out front to say visitors were welcome always.
After stepping into church, she walked up the main aisle.
Her mother had once loved coming to church, every Sunday. Raven had loved going with her, a long time ago. Another life. One that had been … easy. Before everything happened. She had never understood it until later in life, and now, she refused to even take the time.
“Can I help you?” a male voice asked.
Raven turned to see Jonah Adams, the very popular priest and all-around nice guy. One of the few men outside the club she could stand.
“I was looking for you,” Raven said. “An invitation to Bella’s party.”
“Ah, yes. Abriana said she wanted to invite me.”
Raven forced a smile. Small talk was never her thing, not with Jonah, anyway. The guy always had this serious look in his eyes whenever he stared at her. Like he saw more than she wanted him to see.
“Is that all you have come for?” Jonah asked, looking up from the envelope.
“Yes. Just the invite.” Raven turned to leave.
“You know, it is good to have doubts in life.”
“Look, I don’t, this is not for me, okay? So don’t even bother.” She looked back toward him.
“You lost your faith?” Jonah asked.
“I never had any faith to believe in.”
“That is not true. If you ever need to talk—”
“No. I mean no disrespect to you, but no.” She was about to tell him hell no, but that seemed disrespectful. This was his place, and the least she could do was respect his place and title.
He held his hands up in surrender. “I am here for you, if you ever need me,” Jonah said.
Raven nodded, knowing she would never come to talk to him. Without another look, she left the church.
The pain in her chest had lessened a little. Staring down at the invitations, she saw Larissa’s name on top. Her next stop.
Larissa was a nice young woman. She imagined she’d been super protective in a previous life.
The walk to the library wasn’t a long one. It was nice to stretch her legs, even if the sun was beating down on her leather cut, making her sweat.
Arriving at the library, she saw there were a few more cars, but not many people inside.
Larissa was at the front desk.
The moment Raven entered, Larissa smiled. The woman always seemed to have something to be happy about. Raven kind of envied her that.
“Hi, Raven.”
“Hey. I’ve got an invitation for you, from Abriana.”
“Ah, Bella’s birthday,” Larissa said. “She stopped by the other day to take out more cookbooks. She was saying how she might take up another hobby soon as the cooking wasn’t working for her.”
Raven chuckled. “I’m not surprised. Take care.” With the invitation done, she saw no reason to outstay her welcome.
“Wait, how have you been?” Larissa asked.
She frowned as she turned to the other woman. “I’m fine, why?”