I swallow hard, not wanting to accept what he’s saying. Suddenly, my throat is tight, and I think I might break down again. Every time I think I’ve moved past that stage, something comes up and knocks me on my ass again.
“You’re not coming home,” I whisper, staring at his long, elegant fingers linked through mine.
“No.”
We sit in silence for a moment, watching the glowing orange sun sink to the horizon.
“You found what you came for,” he says quietly. “I didn’t.”
“What about fighting to the end?” I ask, trying not to sound as fucking desperate as I feel. “Never giving up on your town?”
“Believe it or not, I used to be the one who wanted to get out most,” he says.
“Really?” I ask, pulling back. “More than Colt?”
“More than Colt or Devlin or anyone,” he says. “Staying became my responsibility at some point, but that doesn’t mean I stopped wanting to leave. It just means I couldn’t. I had to protect my family.”
“And what about them?” I ask. “Your sister and… And Magnolia?”
“Lindsey graduated,” he says. “She’s away at school except for holidays.”
I sniffle, blinking back tears. “And Magnolia?”
Preston squeezes my hand again. “I did the best I could for three years, even if it wasn’t much. It’s Devlin’s turn now.”
“What am I going to do without you?” I ask quietly, letting myself be selfish at last, ask the question I really want answered.
“The same thing you’ve always done. Kick ass and take names.”
“But how can I do that without you?” I ask. I bite back the urge to remind him what he said before—what if Royal turns on me again? What if finding his sister is not what he needs? What if seeing that she’s happy and flourishing with a family while he’s been devastated beyond repair for years is the last straw, the thing that finally breaks him completely?
Preston is my safety net, my safe space, my solace and quiet, just as Royal is my thrill of danger, my tempest, my chaos and passion. I need them both for different reasons. Royal brings me back, and Preston lets me retreat when it’s too much. He tended me when I was too broken to take care of even myself, and he never made it feel like charity. He gave me so much and asked nothing in return. Not just clothes and jewelry, but a place to hide from the monsters that lurked in our town. He took me to the place where I was attacked and helped me let go, even knowing it would make me closer to Royal.
I know that he loves me in the ways he’s able, just as I love him. He loves me enough to let me go, knowing Royal is my sun.
And I love him enough to do the same.
I lean my head on his shoulder, and we watch in silence as the barest sliver of sun lingers on the horizon for just one more moment, and then it slips away and is gone.
“I love you,” I say. “Maybe not in the way either of us want, but I do.”
“I do too,” he says, sliding an arm around my back. “But you never needed me, Harper. What you need has always been right there inside you.”
“I’m my own sun.”
He kisses the top of my head. “It’s time I followed mine.”
We sit there for a few more minutes, our arms around each other in the cold, dampness of evening, watching the streaks of color light up the sky and dance across the rippling surface of the sea. I smile out over the water, hardly able to comprehend my gratitude. Last year, I’d never left Arkansas. I was stuck and poor and desperate. Now, I’ve been all the way from one coast to the other, with two very different, very damaged men. Men who dragged me to the depths of hell and helped me crawl back out, dragging my broken, damaged soul behind me like a mangled limb.
“You know who told me I should do this?” Preston asks, giving me a little squeeze. “A very wise woman.”
“God, I fucking hate you,” I say, laughing and wiping my eyes.
“Don’t give yourself too much credit,” he says. “I talked to Devlin for a long time, too. I think I’ll find her, and this time, I know how to keep her.”
“How’s that?”
He shrugs. “I just won’t let her go.”