“Why?” I ask, planting my hands on my hips and narrowing my eyes. I’m on alert, though. I don’t like being alone with him, either. I glance around at the floor, hoping Magnolia didn’t grab the brass knuckles that I dropped down here. I don’t see them anywhere. Damn it. I can still take Duke if he tries anything, maybe even Baron, too, if he shows up. But I’d feel safer with a weapon.
Duke just stares at me, then drops his hands to his sides. “You could say something happened.”
“Oh, how the tables have turned,” I say, shaking my head. “Remember when you and Baron brought me down here, and you tried to coerce me into having sex with you by saying you could tell Royal it happened anyway, and he’d believe you?”
Duke swallows, looking like a puppy that’s been kicked. “I know,” he says. “I’m shit when I’m drunk.”
“Is that why you’re always drunk?” I ask. “So you don’t have to take responsibility for your shittiness?”
He takes a drink of his beer and gives me a baleful look. “Are you going to tell Royal I tried something?”
“Are you going to try something?”
“No,” he says, scowling. “I would never do that.”
“Of course not,” I say, rolling my eyes. “Now that you’re the one in danger.”
“I promise I won’t,” he says. “But please don’t lie about it to Royal.”
“See, that’s the thing,” I say. “You have to worry about me saying something happened when it didn’t, ruining your reputation, or worst case, taking you to court. I have to worry about it actually happening. And it’s not something that just goes away, Duke. It changes who you are. I’ll never be the same person I was before. Even if you went to jail for the rest of your life, it wouldn’t help me. The damage is done, and it can never be undone.”
“Royal will literally kill me,” he says quietly. “Not that it matters. After that video, I’m done at this school.” He lifts the bottle, finishing it off in a few long gulps, then throws himself back into the chair and reaches into his backpack, pulling out another. “Want one?”
I have no interest in drinking before noon, but I pull over a chair and sit a few feet away from him while he opens two beers with a lighter and hands me one. What I said is true—I’ll never be without scars from their assault—but some things remain or return. I haven’t forgiven him, but I don’t exactly hate him, either. I want to understand this boy, this monster.
Like Dixie, he’s one of the biggest mysteries at this school. She is a mirror, reflecting back everyone else, their dramas and rumors, so you can never see what’s behind the glass. Duke is a clown, a jester, deflecting truth with crude humor. But today, his paint is off, and I’m just fascinated enough to stay. I’m not scared of him, not even when we’re alone together. I don’t need a weapon. I have the armor of power.
“They’re saying someone wants to press charges,” he says glumly, slumping forward with his elbows on his knees, the beer hanging between.
“For what?”
“For… Pulling out my dick,” he says. “Because some of the freshmen are only fourteen, and their fucking parents think they’ve never seen a dick before.”
“Some of them probably haven’t.”
“They’re saying I should be labeled a sex offender.”
A laugh bubbles up inside me, but it comes out as a snort of disbelief. “Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?” I ask. “You literally raped me, Duke.”
“I’m sorry,” he says miserably. “You know how fucking sorry I am, Harper.”
If he hadn’t said it until now, when he’s finally in trouble, I wouldn’t believe him. If Baron said it, I wouldn’t believe it. But Duke apologized from the start, and even though I don’t forgive him, I think he’s sincere.
“Actually, I don’t know,” I say, taking a swig of the beer. “I don’t know why you do that shit. I mean, I sort of get it for Royal, after what happened to him. I even think I understand Baron in some fucked up way. But you have a conscience, Duke. I know you do, even if you pretend you’re like Baron. So what is it? You want your brothers to think you’re as psycho as them? Or is it something else?”
For a minute, Duke doesn’t answer. He just sits there drinking and staring at the wall. He finishes his second beer and cracks open another before I’ve taken more than a few sips of mine.
“Have you ever seen someone die?” he asks at last.
I shrug. “Yeah.”
“Really?” he asks, turning to me. “Who?”
“No one I really knew,” I say, sipping the beer. “One of the old Crosses got hit by a car on our street one time, a hit and run. They said it was the Disciples, but it seemed more random. And when I lived in the trailer park, a dog got out and bit a kid’s neck, and she died. Oh, and one time, I was walking with my friend Blue, and we found a dead body. But we didn’t see him die. We just called the cops and left. I don’t even know how he died. Probably an overdose or gang related.”
Body found near tracks…
He nods thoughtfully, picking at the label on his bottle and leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees again. “I was a kid the first time I saw someone die, too. I think I was five. Mom was at some party, and we were supposed to be sleeping. I guess my uncle came over and needed Dad to go along for something. They must have been in a hurry because Dad didn’t call our nanny. They just carried us out and put us all in the back seat of the car and told us to go back to sleep.”