“What exactly are you giving me, Royal?”
He smirks down at me, stepping closer. “Let me show you, since you seem to have forgotten.”
“Get away,” I say, shoving him back when he gets in my space. “Yes, we fucked, but that doesn’t mean everything is okay. It was a mistake, and I told you that as soon as we did it.”
“I don’t think so.”
“You’re wrong,” I say. “I don’t know what I was thinking, letting you even touch me after what you did. Call it temporary insanity, like when I let my guard down for one second on the dance floor, thinking you might think of someone else for one second. But you can’t and we can’t be together. We’re poison. I’ll keep telling you until you get it through your head—it won’t happen again.Wewon’t happen.”
Royal slides his hand down over my hip, still smiling at me like this is all a game. “I’m happy to drive you out of your mind any time, Cherry Pie. Now get in the car or I’ll fuck you up against the side of it.”
“I’m not playing,” I say, shoving his chest.
Instead of stepping back, he prowls closer, swaying against me, and brushes my cheek with his knuckles. “Neither am I.”
Suddenly, it’s not just adrenaline making me shake. I don’t know how I ever felt safe with him, let alone just earlier tonight. I’m not safe. No matter how many weapons I have, how big my car, I’ll never be safe again.
“Just because we fucked once, that doesn’t mean I can do it again,” I say, my voice shaking. “I’m fucked up, Royal. You fucked me up. It doesn’t go away just because I got caught up once.”
“Then get caught up again,” he says, sliding his hand behind my head and stepping in, leaning down to press his lips to mine. The kiss is warm and possessive, comforting and dominating at once. It’s a kiss that commands me to let him take over, make me feel good again. For a second, I let it carry me on its current.
But I know what happens when that current turns, when it pulls me under.
I shove him back, tearing myself away, my breathing ragged. “You can’t just kiss me and undo what you did. You can’t unbreak something once you’ve broken it. I’ll always be shattered, Royal. Because of you.”
“I don’t care,” he says. “I don’t care if you’re shattered. I’ll put you back together. And if you break again, I’ll put you back together again. As many times as it takes, Jailbird. That’s how many times I’ll be there to pick up the pieces.”
“I don’twantyou to put me back together,” I say, shoving his chest again, despair welling back up inside me, threatening to fill me like it did for so long. I just want to be normal again, not to feel like I’ll blow to bits every time I get upset. “Don’t you get it, Royal? I don’t want to have to be fixed. I want to be unbroken. But I can’t. I’ll always be broken. I’ll never be the same.”
“You’ll be better,” he says, his voice quiet but firm with conviction.
“Better than what?” I ask incredulously, tears coating my lashes as I blink up at him, my throat tight as a fist.
“Better than before I broke you,” he says, grabbing my face between his big hands again. He steps to me, backing me against the car, his body heat shimmering in the air between us, making me lightheaded. He strokes his thumb across my cheek, smearing wetness over my skin. “Every scar makes you more beautiful. Every tear makes you more mine.”
“How am I better?” I demand, the unbearable ache in my throat threatening to choke off my words. “I’m not better than anything. I’m ruined. You ruined me, and no matter how hard you try to give me what I need, it can’t undo what already happened. I’ll never be that girl you wanted again, Royal. I’ll never be yours the way I was before. This doesn’t go away. I’ll never recover.”
“You will.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “We’re a sickness, Royal. And once you get it, you never get better.”
“You want to know how sick I am?” he asks, bending to touch his forehead to mine. “I don’t care. I don’t care if you’re broken in a million pieces. I will find every single one of them, and I’ll put them back together. And I’ll want you even more when I see those cracks in you and know I made them. I’ll want you more when I see the lines of glue that I put there to fix you, because I’m that glue. I’m a part of you now, Harper. I want you more now than I did before, because I didn’t just mark your body, I marked your soul.”
I thought I was cried out, that I was getting better, getting stronger, but the hurt just keeps hitting me again, breaking me again. My whole body is shaking uncontrollably, and I can’t stop the tears from forcing themselves between my lashes and streaming down my cheeks.
Royal leans in closer. He grips my throat, pushing my head back until it meets the car. He pushes his thigh between mine, holding me in place while he opens his mouth and runs his tongue up my face from my jawline to my eye, licking up my tears in one hungry stroke. “I love that these tears are for me,” he murmurs, burying his other hand in my hair and tightening his grip, pulling my head back further. “I love knowing you can’t undo what I did to you. I’m part of you, and you can’t get rid of me no matter how much you want to. I’m inside you, and I’ll never go away. I’ll always be there. Every break is mine. Every healing is mine. Every scar is mine.”
“I hate you,” I whisper, gripping his wrist with shaking fingers and squeezing my eyes closed, rage swelling inside me like a tsunami when I realize that no matter what he does for me now, he’ll never be sorry for what he did before.
He licks my other cheek, grinding his thigh between mine, his fingers tightening around my throat. “I hate you more.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Don’t fucking tell me how much a Dolce can hate.”
He takes my mouth, slamming me back up against the car, devouring me with violent possession. One hand is so tight in my hair that tears blur my eyes again, the other wrapped tight around my throat, so I can hardly breathe. I reach up, my other hand finding his shoulder. My palm meets slick, warm blood, and I grope around, finding the tear in his sleeve and sliding my fingers in, digging into his torn flesh.
He sucks in a sharp breath and releases my throat, reaching past me to open the back door. He yanks his mouth from mine, breathing hard. “Get on your back and show me what’s mine.”