I try not to lose my train of thought. I made myself forget the ache of being filled by Royal Dolce, the way it hurt so fucking good I didn’t know if I wanted to cry or cum. I made myself forget it could feel good at all, that anything could feel good. I just let Preston do whatever he wanted to me, like a good little doll, because I knew if I was good, he’d never hurt me.
“You fucked Royal?” he asks, staring at me like I’m a stranger, like it’s a betrayal.
But I can’t betray him because there was never anything to betray.
“You never once asked if I wanted to have sex,” I say. “You just did it. You assumed I’d be fine with it, because I owed you my life.”
“I never thought you owed me.”
I shrug. “Then maybe you did it because I’m from Mill Street, so obviously I’m a slut who’s down to fuck anyone at any time, even two days after I was fucking gang raped for eight hours.”
“I never forced you to do anything.”
“But you sure as fuck never cared if I wanted to, either.”
“I made sure you were comfortable.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Comfortable? So, that’s all a woman can expect during sex? You didn’t care if I enjoyed it, if I got something out of it. As long as I wasn’t physically in pain, that’s all that mattered.”
He glances at Royal’s flawless face, then looks away like he can’t bear to see what he no longer possesses. “I asked you once if you wanted me to make you cum. You said no. Don’t act like what I did was as bad as what he did.”
“Then don’t act like you’re a saint,” I say. “You saved my life, but you didn’t do it for me.”
We stand there staring at each other for a long minute, the rain streaking down our faces. Royal may look perfect, but it’s Preston’s face that draws my gaze. He’s the only one of us who can take off his mask, whose face shows the truth—the beauty in one half and the tragic scarring on the other, the two halves of who he is.
Both these men have done terrible things to each other and to me, but we’re all still standing. We’re all victims of each other and the vengeance neither man can let go of. But I’m the only one who can see past the hurt and anger to see what it’s done and what it will continue to do if they don’t stop. I’m the only one who can let go of it and forgive, and in that moment, I know that forgiving them doesn’t make me weak or foolish. It makes me the strongest one of us, the only one strong enough to stop this.
“Christ,” Preston says after a long silence. “Is that how it was for you? I was trying to protect you, in case you ever left. That’s not how I meant for you to take it. I’m sorry, Harper. I’m so fucking sorry.”
He comes over and pulls me into his arms, squeezing me against him and pressing his lips to my forehead. “Fuck, Harper. I didn’t think about it from your perspective. I didn’t mean to make you feel…”
“Used?”
“You’re right,” he says. “I was using you, even if I didn’t see it that way. I was planning to, though.”
“Planning to… What?”
“To use you,” he says quietly. “To get back at them. I thought when you were strong again, you’d be the perfect weapon. That’s why I made you look like her. But I couldn’t go through with it after you tried to jump off the roof that day.”
“You tried to what?” Royal demands behind me.
“I wasn’t going to do it until you were better,” Preston says quickly. “Until you were on board with it, and we could plan it together. But yeah. I’m shit. I’m so sorry I did that to you.”
“It’s okay,” I say. “I’m not mad about it. I forgive you, too. I just want you to understand.”
“I do,” he says. “I didn’t before, but now I do. And I—I really do care about you.”
“I know,” I say. “I care about you, too.”
“Really?” Royal demands, pushing away from the railing and giving us a disgusted look. “That’s all it takes for you to forgive him?”
“You never apologized,” I point out, pulling away from Preston. “And he’s right—you can’t compare what he did to what you did.”
Royal doesn’t answer. He knows better than to lie to me right now.
“Want to go open the DNA test?” Preston asks. “It’s in my truck. I brought the whiskey so we could take a couple shots if we needed courage beforehand, or… Something else after. But I guess that’s not an option anymore.”
“Yeah,” I say. “Let’s get it over with.”