“No fucking way,” I snap, crushing her back against the car. “Now fucking cum or I will.”
I feel her start to pulse around my cock, her cunt sucking at me like a little mouth, and I fucking lose all control. Every time I cum inside her, I swear I lose myself, forget who I am, where I am, what I’m doing. It’s like a blackout for a second, and I’m afraid one of these times, I’m going to wake up and find her dead underneath me. Because I don’t trust myself when I lose control. Killing her isn’t outside the realm of possibility. And yeah, destruction is endgame, but I’ve done enough fucked up shit that I don’t need to see a dead girl with my dick inside her.
“Royal?” Her questioning, coaxing voice brings me back to myself, her soft fingers on my cheeks, holding me while she waits for my pieces to fall back into place.
Little flutters are still going through her, milking my cock, and her blue eyes are filled with a gentleness that I know only lasts a minute.
“Where do you go when you do that?” she asks.
And because I can’t tell her, but I don’t want to wipe the honest expression from her face just yet, the one that fucks with my head most of all, that says she cares about me in a way I have no right to accept, I sidestep the trap.
“I’m right here now, baby,” I say, holding her face between my hands the way she’s holding mine. I lean in and plant a gentle kiss on her lips, and she drops her eyes closed, and I know that for now, I’m safe. She didn’t push, and I didn’t do something stupid, like let her in the way she’s let me in, the way I want to. I can’t give in to that temptation. I’ve already given in to way too fucking many.
Even if ruining her kills me, I’ll know it’s by my own hand. I’m already playing with fire, handling poison, every time I touch her. The one thing I will never allow is for her to win, for the Darlings to take back what we worked so hard for. All of this, everything we’ve gained, is nothing compared to what they took from us. We could take everything they own, destroy every person who carries their blood, and it still wouldn’t be nearly a high enough price for what they already got. The one thing I will never allow is for Crystal’s death to mean nothing, to have been for nothing.
So no matter what Harper does, no matter how she feels or how I feel, it doesn’t change the ending. It doesn’t matter what happens to me, as long as she pays. I can self-destruct, as long as I take her down with me. I will never let another Darling hurt my family, which means I’ll die before I let her leave me in pieces and walk away unbroken.
Every day I wait brings us one step closer to that happening, but every day I find a new excuse to keep her just a little longer. In the end, no matter how many houses I destroy and how long I wait, the clock will run out too soon.