I delight in the sensation of his body responding to my inexperienced touch, the little shiver that goes through him, the hardness growing in his lap as I press against him. A shiver goes through me, too, half fear and half arousal. He’s pressed up against me, but through a towel and my jeans, it’s not too much.
It’s not enough.
I slide my hand down over his abs, still running with a few little drops from the shower. When I reach the knot in his towel, King grabs my hand, breaking the kiss.
“I can’t,” he says, gripping my thighs and scooting me back on his lap. He’s breathing hard, but he looks miserable. “I want to be respectful, but I can’t help myself. You turn me on so fucking much, Eliza.”
“I know,” I say, linking my fingers through his and leaning forward to kiss him through the smile on my lips. “I love it.”
“You do?”
“I’m not scared of your dick, King,” I say. “I wasn’t upset about it this morning. I just didn’t think you found me… Desirable anymore. I told you, I was just surprised.”
“You shouldn’t be,” he says. “You drive me out of my fucking mind.”
He turns sideways, cradling my body and sliding me off him, then adjusting the pillows so we’re lying face to face. He runs a hand up the side of my thigh from my knee to my hip, his thumb pressing into the crease in my jeans at the top of my thigh. Nervous excitement vibrates through my body.
I reach for the knot on the towel again. “Can I touch you?”
He nods slowly. “How does this work? You can please me, but I can’t even touch you?”
“You can try,” I say, my voice sounding so stupid and scared I want to bite my tongue and take it back.
“What if... ?” He breaks off, his brow furrowed with concern.
“I freak out again?” I ask. “I might. I’m sorry. But I want to try. That’s something, right? And hey, maybe it’s a good thing. You won’t have to wonder if I want to or not.”
He scoffs quietly and adjusts his head, folding his arm under it. “You can say that again.”
Suddenly, I’m so nervous my fingers are shaking again, and I want to call the whole thing off. “Is that okay?” I whisper. “You said you wanted to try, but if you don’t anymore…”
He tips my chin up gently, his troubled gaze meeting mine. “I want to help you if I can. Anything you need.”
I nod, dropping my gaze. “You said we could work through it together,” I whisper, laying a hand on his hip, on the damp towel still wrapped around him.
“And you said you didn’t want to,” he reminds me.
“Now I do,” I admit, searching his eyes, begging him for understanding.
“What changed your mind?”
“You did,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. “What you said this morning, that I don’t deserve you. You’re right, but not in the way you meant. You’re so good to me, and I want to be good for you, too. It takes a lot for me to trust, but I want to trust you, and I want you to trust me. I want to know you, King. And I want you to know me—all of me.”
“I want that, too,” he says quietly. “So much.”
“And… Maybe because you said it was okay if I didn’t want to. I thought about that a lot today. About going on like this for the rest of my life, being too scared to move past it. I don’t want to live my whole life controlled by something that happened to me when I had no choice. Moving past it is my choice.”
“That’s… Really fucking brave,” he says quietly, sliding a hand over the side of my neck, cradling the back of my head in his big hand.
“Will you help me?” I ask. “Please?”
He swallows, his eyes so deep I could drown in their darkness. “Yes,” he answers. “Whatever you need. Just say the word when you’ve had enough.”
“I will.” I take a deep breath. “And King?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re not like them. I’m not a child and you’re not forcing me. I want this. I want you. I just didn’t think you wanted me.”