“You said you wanted to keep them,” I remind her.
“He didn’t even look at me,” she says. “I think they forgot I was even there.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I know how much you like him. But I promise I don’t. Not in that way.”
“I know,” she says. “I just don’t get it. How do you get all those guys to like you? Both of you? I mean, besides being hot, is there any other way?”
“Lots of girls are pretty,” I say. “It’s about more than that. It’s about how you carry yourself. And thinking you deserve it.”
“You think you deserve all three of them?” she asks, her eyes widening.
“No,” I say, laughing. It’s hard to say something good about myself, the same way it probably is for any girl to say she deserves the best. In some way, we’re all conditioned to take less, to be quiet and demure and perfectly poised like a good Dolce daughter.
But fuck that. Maybe it’s time I took something for myself. Time I admitted that I’m worthy. That I’m good enough. That I deserve Devlin.
twenty-one
Crystal
Tonight I thought I had it. It seemed so simple. That I would take what I deserved. It doesn’t matter what I deserve, though. I can’t run away from who I am anymore. I’m part of this, whether I like it or not. I was born into my family, and this is how it works. If I take what I want, my family will take it away from me. If I fight back, they’ll defeat me. If I stand up for what’s right, they’ll make me believe I’m wrong. There’s no way to win and be a Dolce at the same time.
I wake to the sound of my window sliding up. I scramble upright in my bed, reaching for the lamp with trembling fingers. My heart is racing as I turn to see Devlin standing inside my room, dripping wet from the rain that seems to take the place of snow as winter precipitation in this state.
“What are you doing?” I hiss. ‘You can’t be here.”
He stares at me a second, raindrops running down his cheeks like tears. “Why are you avoiding me?” he asks.
“I told you yesterday,” I whisper-shout at him. “It’s over, Devlin. We have to stop this before one of us gets really hurt.”
I know it’s not me who will be hurt, but if he’s anything like me, he’d risk himself before he’d risk me.
“It’s too late for that,” he says. “You can break up with me if it makes you feel better, but it won’t change anything.Boyfriendis just a word. I’m your man, and I don’t need a label to prove it.”
“Devlin,” I whisper, an ache rising in my throat. “Please.”
He stands there dripping onto the hardwood floor, soaked through and shivering with cold, but his words are strong and sure. “You’re my girl, Crystal. I’ve known that for a while, but what I didn’t realize until you tried to break me is that I’m yours, too. Whatever forces brought us together, even if it was some asshole who shouldn’t be messing in our lives, it doesn’t change what we have now. I’m sorry I did the things I did to you, including what he ordered. If I could take them back, I’d take back every damn one.”
“But you can’t,” I say, tears pressing behind my eyes.
“No,” he says. “But I can make it up to you for them.”
“You can’t do that, either,” I say. “We can’t be together, Devlin.”
“You’re wrong,” he says, closing the distance between us. He sinks onto the edge of the bed, draws my chin up, and delivers a lingering kiss to my trembling lips. I should push him away, but I can’t make myself. I’m as weak as love makes me, and I want him too much. My hand curls into a fist in the wet fabric of his t-shirt, dragging him closer, warming his cold lips with my hot ones.
“Tell me you don’t want me,” he whispers, cupping my cheek in his palm. “And I’ll tell you that you’re lying.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I say, choking back tears.
“You’re right,” he says. “It doesn’t matter if you forgive me or love me or want me. Because I’ll spend every moment for the rest of my life making that happen. Proving to you that I need you. That I love you. That this is real.”
“What if I can never believe you?” I ask, a tear spilling over my lashes.
Devlin gently wipes it away with his thumb, cradling my face between his hands. “Then I’ll still spend every day of my life trying to earn your trust and respect, and if it fails, and you never love me again, at least I’ll know my life’s work was something worthwhile—making the woman I love feel loved, and worthy, and as treasured as she is.”
More tears trickle down my cheeks, and Devlin leans in to kiss them. When they don’t stop, he pulls me into his arms. I feel the strength of his body, of his words that are truth, and I can’t help but melt into his arms. I believe him already. I love him already. There’s no going back, no matter how badly he hurt me, no matter how wrong it is. I can’t stop myself even if I try. And I tried so hard.
Now, it feels so good to stop trying to hate him. I wrap my arms around him, burying my face against his strong chest and sobbing. Devlin holds me. He strokes my hair and kisses the top of my head, and he just holds me. When the tears stop, I don’t want to look up. I’m terrified that it’s all going to slip away again. But he pries me from him and lifts my face, kissing my damp, salty lips.