“I have,” Devlin says, his voice harder now. “You know we broke with him when we got arrested.”
“He broke with you,” I correct. “And did you tell them it was him all along, that he’s the one who fucked up my brother so bad I don’t think he’ll ever be the same? Did you rat him out, Devlin? Or did you try to take the fall for him, too?”
“I told them what I knew,” he says quietly. “About my family and about yours.”
“Don’t bring my family into this,” I growl. “That had nothing to do with them.”
“Then tell me this,” he says. “Why would my grandfather put Royal in his own house first, where anyone knows to search if they suspect him, when he could have put him in that basement all along? Why would he take him out of there and put him in my father’s attic? How could one sixty-year-old man get a guy Royal’s size up a ladder?”
I glare at him, my heart hammering in my chest. I don’t want to hear this. I can’t. I can’t think about what he’s saying, can’t let him convince me they make sense. “Why don’t you tell me?” I grit out at last.
“You can’t hide from the truth about your family forever, Crystal,” he says, taking my hand and lacing his fingers through mine.
“Yes, I can,” I whisper, my throat tight. “I’ve been doing it all my life.”
“So I’m supposed to tell you all my fucked up family drama, supposed to cut ties with them and paint them as the bad guys in all this, and you’re just going to go on pretending your family is perfect. And I’m supposed to go along with that?”
“Yes,” I say again.
“Okay,” he says after a long pause. “If that’s what it takes to be with you, I’ll do it.”
“No,” I say, a tear forming on my lashes. “That’s not fair. And this isn’t fair, either, Devlin. We can’t keep doing this. You knew it had to end, so we might as well do it now. It was all based on a lie, anyway.”
“I’m not letting you go again,” he says. “Whatever I have to do to convince you this is real, whatever I have to believe, I’ll do it. I love you, Crystal. I’m not walking away from this.”
“You don’t have to,” I say, taking a deep breath, sucking up the tears and the feeling that my insides are being turned inside out. I reach for the door, but Devlin grabs my other hand.
We stare at each other, both our hands linked. Devlin swallows, his ocean eyes searching mine. I know what’s below the frozen surface now. I know the boy with all the confusion and conflicting feelings and loyalties, the hurt from a messy past and the name that promises him an exalted future in this town. And I know that if I stay with him, he’s going to lose that. That’s the only thing that gives me the strength to speak.
“You have to let me go,” I whisper.
“If you can honestly tell me that you’ll find someone who can love you like I do, I’ll go.”
I can’t tell him that. But I don’t need someone to love me like he does. Our love is poison. There’s a reason everyone wants to keep us apart. They’re right to. We’re destroying each other, and if I’m the only one strong enough to walk away, then that’s what I’ll do. That’s what Dolces are best at. Running when things get too hard.
I pull my hands from Devlin’s, open the door, and step out of the car. He says my name, but I close the door before he can say more. I’m not strong this time. My legs are shaking, my breath coming in hiccupping gasps as I take a step, every fiber of my being telling me to stop, to turn around, to dive back into the safety of his arms where the pain doesn’t grip my veins as if my blood has died without his oxygen to fuel it.
I take another step, and another. Each step doesn’t hurt less, but by the time I reach the walkway, I’ve grown accustomed to the pain. That’s when I feel eyes on me. I pause, glancing around. At first, I don’t see anything. Then the door to Baron’s Tesla swings open, and Royal steps out.
eighteen
Crystal
“Get in the car.”
Royal’s voice is hard and flat, so cold I might be scared if I had anything left to feel right now. I don’t have the energy to fight with him, so I walk over to the Tesla, parked in the front row where Devlin used to park. Royal’s lip is swollen and bleeding a little, and when I get to the car, I see King in the driver’s seat. He looks a little banged up, too. I climb in without a word of protest. Royal climbs back in the passenger seat, and we take off.
“What happened?” I ask when we’re on the road. “Did you get into another fight?”
“Don’t worry about it,” King says.
“Where are we going?”
“Did you think you were the only one who could skip school?” Royal asks.
“We got worried,” King says. “We heard what happened at lunch. So we came to find you.”
“Did you…” I swallow hard, shame washing over me. “When did you…?”