I stand and go back into my room, drawing the curtains again. I lie in bed for a long time, listening to the smack of leather across the lawn and the skittering of leaves above. He has to have a weakness. Everyone does. I just need to find out what it is.
six
Crystal
How to survive day 3 without your twin. Dive deep into it. Swan dive for style points. Don’t embrace it—attack it. Wallow in it. Get drunk on it until you can’t even remember who you are or that you have a brother. Overdose on it. Sink to the bottom and let it swallow you like a chlorine pool in summer. And don’t come up from the depths.
Tuesday morning, we head down the front steps while Duke goes around back for the Hummer. I hear men yelling, and my heart clutches. I turn toward the Darling house, even though I know it’s not my brother. Mr. Darling stands on his porch in front of the front door, his arms crossed over his chest and his feet planted wide, as if blocking the other man from entering. I can’t see the other man, but he’s tall and broad with a full head of silver hair. I remember the policeman saying something about Mr. Darling’s father, and I take it he’s not too happy about the search conducted without a warrant.
Duke’s Hummer pulls up, and I turn away from the Darlings and climb in with my brothers. I have enough troubles of my own without prying into other people’s. Apparently, the feeling is not mutual. At the gate to our neighborhood, a news van sits idling. A woman with a schooled, tragic expression is talking earnestly into a microphone while a cameraman films.
“Hold on,” King says, and Duke draws the Hummer to a halt. I can see the reporter nearly cream herself as King and Duke climb out of the car, probably thinking she’ll get an exclusive, the first interview with the family. That, or all the muscles and dark good looks have her knees clenching.
Baron, who stayed in the car with me, hops over the console and into the driver’s seat, a grin on his face. “Watch and learn, baby sis,” he says. King goes for the camera, and Duke goes for the microphone.
“Our family’s not your fucking circus,” I hear King snap as another guy comes running from the news van. It’s too late now, though. The camera’s twisted and smashed beyond repair, and the mic dangles from Duke’s hand as he jogs back, slides in next to me while King takes shotgun. Baron takes off, laughing his ass off with Duke as we speed away. For a second, irritation flares in me. But I push it down, knowing we all grieve and cope the best we can, even if it’s not in the same way. Their laughter doesn’t make their pain less real.
We make plans on the way to school. Preparing for what waits for us for the next seven hours. I feel guilty for thinking of myself right now, when Royal is still missing. But I have to survive, and Mom was right. It takes my mind off him, as much as that’s possible.
We pull up to the school, and I take a minute to try to calm down. Royal, my rock and anchor, isn’t here to ground me. But after a few minutes, I get my anxiety under control and climb down from the Hummer. I float toward the building on numb legs. At least I know now thatthey can’t hurt me worse than I’m already hurt. They can’t break me, because I’m already broken.Sure, they can taunt me, but what are a few ugly names when my brother is gone?
They must think that doing it all at once, ruining me and taking Royal, will send us packing. That it’ll be too much. But in truth, it only makes having sex with Devlin meaningless. I might have been humiliated and crushed that he lied and took my virginity. But now it doesn’t even register on the scale of what’s important.
When we walk into school, the hall falls silent. Everyone is staring, whispering. Wondering why we’re here, judging us for coming to school when Royal is missing. They’d judge us if we didn’t come, too. I know it’s human nature, but I can’t help but tense up at the unwanted attention. At our last school, I was feared and revered because of my brothers. But this is different. Here, it feels more like being an oddity, a circus freak.
They can stare all they want. I’ll never give them what they’re after. I’ll never fall apart in front of them. I vow that to myself as I walk. I can shatter into a million fragments when I’m alone, or even with my family. But for these people, who have done nothing but gossip and stare since the moment we got here, I won’t perform.
My brothers escort me to my locker, then split off when I’m within sight of my next class. The moment they disappear, Colt appears at my elbow as if from thin air. Anger claws at my skin from within, but I ignore him and keep walking. If he has one shred of decency in him, he won’t start with me today, even if he has nothing whatsoever to do with Royal. He knows what happened. The whole fucking town knows.
In New York, kids disappear every fucking day. No one bats an eye. Here, it’s a fucking circus.
Okay, so Royal’s disappearance would have been noticed in New York. People like us can’t help but be noticed wherever we go, whether or not we like it.
Colt nudges me with his elbow, but I notice a difference in the way he’s looking at me. I can’t tell what it is yet, but it’s there. Smugness, maybe.He thinks I care that Devlin used me like a condom and threw me away. He thinks my hymen matters to me.
“Hey, Sugar Crystal,” he says, all dimples and slow-as-molasses charm.
“Don’t start,” I say, my voice clipped.
“Oh, come on, Sweetie Pie, you can’t be mad,” Colt says, giving me those puppy dog eyes that melted my heart one too many times.
“Try me,” I snap.
“Ah, baby, don’t hate the player, hate the game.”
“It’s so much easier to hate both,” I say with a saccharine smile, shoving past some people to escape him. But I can’t shake him. I may have to fight through the other students, but they part for him like he’s fucking royalty. And today, they’re not just watching him. They’re watching us. Waiting to see if we’ll give them a show.
Well, fuck them, and fuck Colt, too. They got all the show they’re going to get at the party where I walked around shirtless. I’m done playing their fucking games. Royal’s disappearance has made one thing clear. Life is not a game. It’s all too real.
The appearance of Preston on my other side only reminds me of that.
“Leave me alone,” I say to them, refusing to even look their way.
“Don’t be mad at me because of my cousin,” Colt says. “I treated you right on our date.”
I snort but don’t dignify that bullshit with an answer.
“Okay, okay, play hard to get,” he says. “But you’re like an M&M. I know you’re still sweet underneath that crispy shell.”