“I bet they loved you,” Baron says to Devlin. “Fresh meat with a pretty boy face like yours. Bet there was a line around the whole jail waiting for a chance to break you in.”
“And don’t worry about your mom,” King says. “You can tell your dad that while he was away, I showed her what a real man can do for her. There’s nothing like comforting a scared, older lady. She was so grateful she didn’t even finish sucking down her drink before she was sucking down my cock.”
Devlin doesn’t even acknowledge them. His expression never changes, but his eyes do. A hardness closes over them like ice freezing over a pond in winter. His eyes bore into me like icicles piercing into the warmest places in my soft heart. “So that’s it,” he says. “I guess I made it easy for you.”
This is my moment. I’m shaking, but I won’t let him see. I shrug King’s arm off. They propped me up, got it started. The train is moving, and it’s too late to stop. I just need to jump on board.
I ball my hands into fists and squeeze until my nails bite in. Devlin waits. I wanted to make him fall, to hurt him like he hurt me. But I’m not like him in this way. He can decide I’m an animal. He can humiliate me, use me, and torture me—with no remorse.
But I’m not a psychopath. Yes, I have to make him pay for what he did. And I want him to know how it feels, how much he hurt me.
But it’s going to hurt me worse than I could ever hurt him.
When I feel Royal’s quiet strength beside me, though, I know I can’t go back. I know that it’ll be a long time before that haunted look leaves his eyes, if it ever does. I know that Devlin is an inextricable part of the Darling machine, just as I’m part of my family’s. And the whole machine has to be destroyed.
“That’s the thing about dogs, Devlin,” I say, my voice coming out softer than I intended. Somehow, it makes me sound even crueler. “They’re animals. You back them into a corner and threaten them and hurt them enough, and they will fight back.”
“Now you’re going to fight back?” Devlin asks, quirking an eyebrow in amusement. The Devlin who walked across the lawn is gone. Now, there’s only Devlin Darling, the school’s king, their golden boy, their hero and bully.
“Oh, Devlin,” I say. “I already did. You see, you tried to disgrace me, but all you did was disgrace yourselves. You showed how weak you really are. You said you were going to take down my family, but you couldn’t do it the honorable way. You didn’t fight fair, and we still won.”
He gives me a haughty look and crosses his arms over his chest so his tats are on display. He tilts his head back and stares me down in that way that’s meant to intimidate me. For some reason, it’s hot as fuck. “I like you better on your back, when I can pound that attitude right out of you,” he says with a smirk.
I shove that image away and plow onward. He doesn’t know it, but he’s making this easy. It’s a lot harder to hurt a boy when he shows it. When he’s being a dick, reminding me of all the reasons I hate him, I want to put him in his place. I’m going for the kill, and some sick and twisted little part of me loves it. Some part of me loves the thrill of the fight every bit as much as Royal does. Maybe he fights with fists while I fight with words, but I have no doubt he gets the same high.
I smirk right back at Devlin. “You played dirty, ambushing my brother instead of fighting him like a real man. And look at you. It took all three of you, three big strong men, to fight a girl. And face it, Devlin. You lost.”
His eyes lock on mine, and his lips twist into a cruel smile. “I didn’t lose anything worth keeping.”
“Except you did,” I say. “You can talk big, but I’m no fool. I know what you lost. You lost the respect of the school. You lost your place in the family. You gave it your best, but my family is stronger than ever, and yours is falling apart. And for what? We’re still here, Devlin. In the end, what did you get out of trying to ruin us? You couldn’t even ruinme.”
He steps forward, his eyes darkening, his voice slinking out like a secret. “Sweetheart, if I wanted to ruin you, you’d already be ruined.”
“See, that’s where you’re wrong,” I say. “You think your family is better because they’ve had money for generations, but the truth is, you’re just living in the past. Your family will never reclaim its glory because you can’t go back in time. Everyone here is so enamored with the glory days of old, but the truth is, it’s over, Devlin. And those stupid traditions and attitudes you hold onto aren’t doing anything but holding you back. Because you think you can ruin a woman by fucking her, but I’ll let you in on a little secret. We’re not living in the 1800s anymore. A woman’s worth isn’t judged by the thickness of her hymen anymore, Devlin.”
“I didn’t say it was,” he says, giving me a stormy look.
“Then you should know that fucking me won’t ruin me any more than it ruined you.”
“Your reputation probably says otherwise.”
I shrug. “You think I care what all these backwards hicks think of me? So you tricked me into giving you my virginity. That shows what kind of personyouare, not me.”
“I thought we talked about that.”
“And you thought I forgave you,” I say. “That’s cute, Devlin. You’re not used to girls playing you, so I’ll make it clear for you. I don’t like you, Devlin. I don’t want anything to do with you. You were nothing but a means to an end.”
Devlin swallows, and I almost crumble, but I have to deliver the killing blow before he speaks.
I lean in and smile up at him.“Don’t take it personally.”
I take way too much pleasure in throwing his words back in his face, cutting him deeper with every word. Even as I know the blade is double-edged, and each word cuts into me with the same precision as a blade. I relish the pain. I want the pain. I want to hurt him as much as he hurt me, but I also want to hurt myself. I want to hurt so bad I can forget the look in his eyes, that I can’t feel anything but my own pain, so I don’t notice his.
“It sucks, doesn’t it?” I ask, my voice soft again, almost apologetic.
Devlin lets out a soft, soundless snort of breath, his gaze incredulous. But I can see past that, can see a shadow of the boy inside there, the boy who carried me away and bathed me and lay in bed with me and held me. And I don’t want to see any of that. I want to destroy that boy, to erase him.
I don’t want to think about riding fast in his car, laughing, or the smell of him when he leans close, or the strong, dominating feel of his body against mine. I don’t want to think about how close we’ve been, or about our bodies crashing together like storms determined to wreck each other. I don’t want to think about the connection I feel with him, the certainty that we are the same, that I understand his cruelty because I’m just as cruel.