“Leah, I would love nothing more.” She wrapped one arm around me and pulled me in for a tight squeeze. I swallowed hard, fighting my own tears from falling at the news he wasn’t coming home.
Once my father got home, Anna had told my father that Logan wouldn’t be coming home and while I cleaned up the kitchen and got the cake in the oven both Dad and Anna went up to their room. She came back down, her eyes red from crying, and to be honest I think he was just upset as she was. We ate dinner, and I listened to my father go on about his day and after dessert I returned to my room. I flopped down onto my bed and pulled out my diary and began to write.
Dear Diary.
I’m so upset. As you know Logan was supposed to be coming home this weekend, but now he wasn’t. I don’t know why it’s bothered me, all he ever did was pick on me, still does according to the Gingersnap comment he said tonight on the phone. I guess nothing has changed even with what happened between us. But something funny happened today when I heard his voice. My stomach flipped, and I got this funny, warm feeling inside. Maybe I’m coming down with something. Anyway, I have never seen Anna look so upset.
I dropped the pen on my diary and jumped out of bed; I had an idea. I grabbed a piece of paper and a red pen and sat down at my desk. I would write him a letter and tell him exactly what he was missing by not coming home. With the paper in front of me I thought for a couple of moments. I decided I would talk to him about Labor Day since this was the first holiday he would miss with us.
Dear Logan,
It’s Labor Day! I cannot tell you how much fun we are having without you here, but I will try. We went down to the waterfront tonight and the minute those fireworks went off; it was as if the entire city was celebrating your absence. Oh, and just for you, I ate a hot dog; you know how much I hate those! We also had brownie sundaes in your honor, made from your favorite brownie cake. Do you want to know the best part: I didn’t have to share any of it with you. We even had whipped cream, chocolate and caramel sauce, all that we could eat. Hope Boston is as hot and humid as the weatherman was predicting, guess you should start preparing for hell now.
Leah
I giggled at the last part. I folded the letter and placed it into an envelope and addressed it to Logan’s school address and the next morning I mailed it.
Weeks had gone by. I had finally given up checking the mail every day when I got home. There had been no response from Logan. I had started back to school and had buried myself in school work. It was getting close to Christmas, and I was in my room filling out college applications when Anna came to my door.
“Leah, we are going to go and get the tree now. Are you coming?” I looked up from the paperwork I was filling in and smiled.
“Oh yeah, give me two minutes, I’ll be right down.” I quickly finished what I was working on and grabbed my sweater and cell phone from the end of the bed. I needed a picture of us tonight, I wanted to make sure that Logan could see what a great time we were having without him. I planned to give him his letter at Christmas while he was home. After all, I couldn’t stop now, I had already sent him three more letters since Labor Day.
On Veteran’s Day, yes, Veteran’s Day, it doesn’t matter how minute the holiday was; I planned to send him one for every holiday. On Veteran’s Day, I told him we were having a fabulous time down at the waterfront ceremony and how it was too bad he would never have the chance to be honored since he wasn’t in the military. On Halloween, I took a photo of the three of us out front the house handing out candy and told him not to bother buying himself another mask as his face was already scary enough. Oh, and on Thanksgiving, I included a family photo of the three of us and told him his absence was what I was most thankful for this year. Was it mean, sure, but this had become a fun little game I wasn’t ready to give up, yet.
Dad, Anna and I walked through the Christmas tree lot together, hot chocolate in hand, looking for our perfect tree. “What about this one?” I asked taking a sip of my steaming cup.
“Jeez, Leah, it’s a little large,” Dad said holding his hand above his head to give it a measure. “It’s over eight feet tall there is no way it will fit in the living room.” I giggled, I always wanted these huge trees from the time I was little, and Dad knew it.
“I think this one would be perfect,” Anna sang out pointing to one across the way, poking me on the shoulder while nodding and smiling in the direction she had sent my dad.
My father did the same thing, held his hand up to measure its height. “Now I have two of you to compete with.”
We both laughed and took another sip of our hot chocolate continuing to look for our tree. Another half an hour and we had found the perfect tree. Before the guy wrapped it up, I asked Anna and Dad to pose with me in front of it. We all held up our hot chocolate and smiled for the picture. It was the perfect one to include in Logan’s Christmas letter.
As soon as we got home, I went back up to my room and grabbed a piece of paper. I quickly threw in a sheet of photo paper and printed the photo I took before I grabbed a green pen and started my letter.
Dear Logan,
We had a great time tonight picking out the tree. You would have loved the hot chocolate, it contained your favorite little marshmallows, so I had the lady put extra in mine since you weren’t there. I guess you could say I had yours too. Too bad you gave up chocolate, you’ll never get to taste that combo again. Oh, and know that I am enjoying drinking all your mother’s eggnog and not having to share it with you this year. And just so you know, I came up withthe perfect resolution for New Years, to forget that you ever existed!
Leah
Christmas came and went without Logan. He said he couldn’t possibly make the trip home between semesters because of his job and the amount of studying he had to do to be prepared for classes to start up after the first of the year. It was just too much to take the time off. So, once again, I got to watch as he broke Anna’s heart, and while she cried on my father’s shoulder, I fought back the tears that were threatening to pour down my cheeks. On Christmas Day, Anna spent most of her time in the kitchen keeping herself busy. New Years was the same, it too came and went without Logan.
Over time, I never stopped thinking of Logan or writing to him every holiday. I soon discovered that not only did I miss him but the reason I had convinced myself that I hated him so much was because my crush on him had never really ended. I missed those blue eyes, the way he wore his baseball cap backwards, the smell of his cologne and the truth was that kiss we had shared haunted my every waking moment. I never called him, I would just bide my time until the next holiday came around and write to him then. I soon started including little gifts with my letters, all things I knew he hated. I think the best one had to be the black licorice I included with his Valentine’s Day letter.
No responses ever came, even the few times I spoke with him when he called, he never mentioned them. As the years continued to pass, Logan never returned home—though Anna and Daddy went to Boston for a few visits over the years—and his calls became few and far between. I figured he probably had found himself a girlfriend and was now too busy to even read my letters since he was too busy to call his mother on a weekly basis.
NINE
Leah
Present Day
I lifted my case into my trunk and slammed it shut. Another consultation in the books. I was feeling defeated, everything I did for this firm was the same, there was never any challenge, nothing exciting or new. I had graduated the top of my class, and I was damn good at what I did, and I wanted a challenge, I didn’t want to spend the next twenty-five years redesigning Martha’s living room. I wanted to design grand hotels, and office buildings and account executives’ homes. I climbed into the front seat and started my car. I was about to turn on the radio when my cell phone pinged. I grabbed it and looked at the notifications—it had been going off all during the meeting. I had three emails from work letting me know of my three newly booked appointments, doing the same old mundane things. God, I hated this town, nothing changed. I closed my eyes for a moment resting my head back on the headrest. Why hadn’t I heard anything from the companies I had applied to last week? There couldn’t be that many interior designers out there vying for positions.
I threw my phone down on the console and went to pull away from the curb when it rang. I glanced down at the number—out of the area. I frowned, perhaps it was Jenna, “Hello,” I said into the mouthpiece.