“Logan, I can assure you Joe is not going anywhere. Your father died, Logan, he didn’t choose to leave. You can’t even begin to compare the two. Now what has you worried? Are you worried about school?”
“It’s just, I’m leaving, what would you do if he left.”
“Logan don’t be ridiculous. Now your plane . . .”
I cut her off; it wasn’t funny. “You walked away from everything you used to be and now you have nothing, Mom. Nothing. It’s not good, you really shouldn’t be so trusting. That’s what you always taught me.”
“Logan . . .”
I didn’t give her a chance to speak. I knew my words hurt, the tears in her eyes told me so. I picked my bag up off the floor and threw it over my shoulder. “I’ve got to go.” I walked away without a hug or another word to my mother and when I had walked through security, I turned around to see her wipe her cheeks from the tears that were now running down them.
EIGHT
Leah
Dear Diary,
Is it wrong I can still feel that kiss we shared? His taste still lingering, his tongue sweeping through my mouth and his hand on my cheek. Is it wrong that I liked it? It’s finally Thursday, he comes home tomorrow after being gone for two weeks. We are picking him up from the airport after Dad is finished work, and he will be with us a few days until his classes start. I even bought all the ingredients to make him his favorite cookies, and before he leaves, I will make him a batch to take to school with him. Even though he says he doesn’t like them when I make them, I think he secretly does. I can tell by the way his blue eyes dance when he sees the plate.
I tapped my pen on the edge of my diary.
Summer was ending and soon school would be starting. Since Logan had left, granted it had only been two weeks, things had become routine around the house. I had spent a lot of time alone, not for any reason aside from the fact that I wanted it that way. I was still messed up from that night and I had no one I could talk to about it. I had really wanted to talk to Logan about it, but I was too embarrassed to leave my room before he left. I mean how could you look your stepbrother in the eyes after seeing his little, okay big buddy and getting so turned on that you wanted him to take you right in the hallway. So alone was a good place for me to be.
Dad and Anna would get up early every morning and head down to the water for their morning walk, but I stayed in bed. They tried to get me to go with them a few times but eventually they stopped asking. Then Dad would leave for work and Anna would spend her mornings with her face buried in her books and the afternoon making us delicious meals and deserts.
I had taken an interest in interior design and decorating and had started looking at colleges to attend even though I still had the last year of high-school to complete. I had decided I would go to school in the city so I could live at home. I had purchased a bunch of magazines and Anna had spoken to one of her friends who worked at a firm here and she allowed me to come in and shadow her job a couple days through the week. I pulled a few ideas from what I had learned from her and the magazines I had read and re-decorated my bedroom. Anna had liked what I had done so much that she asked me to provide a few updates in Logan’s room. I pleasantly surprised Anna with what I had done, and she asked me to help her with a few things around the house.
I heard the phone ring and sat my diary aside and jumped up off my bed. I wandered down the hall to make sure everything was in place in Logan’s room. I had just put the finishing touches on it yesterday and I was proud of how it had turned out. I hoped he liked it.
I was straightening the comforter on the bed when I heard the phone ring again. Surely that had to be Logan. He said he would call today and confirm his flight information so we could pick him up. I ran downstairs and went into the kitchen. Anna sat on the phone smiling at me as I entered. “No, Joe, I still haven’t heard from him. Maybe I will call.”
It was just my father’s daily afternoon call home. I wandered over to the fridge and poured myself a glass of juice. Anna finally hung up after numerous I love you’s. I couldn’t get over how in love they really were and hoped that I too could have that one day.
“Have you heard from Logan?” I asked, a funny feeling kicking up in the pit of my stomach.
“No, I haven’t. I’m worried, it’s not like him not to have called, but he said he would be buying his textbooks today and that he would be busy right until he came home. Are you looking forward to having him home?”
“Doesn’t matter.” I swallowed the last of my juice down, trying to hide my feelings and went back to the fridge for a little more. I could already feel my pulse humming with excitement over the mention of his name. Who knew what I would be like when it came time to face him.
Anna got up and began preparing the meatloaf for tonight’s dinner. I was helping her by adding in the ingredients when the phone rang. “Leah, dear, could you get that please, my hands are a mess!” she said holding up her meat covered hands and wiggling her fingers at me.
“Sure thing.” I laughed and reached for the handset and answered. “Hello.”
“Hey.” His voice, that smooth, deep voice suddenly hit me right in the stomach and I swallowed hard. “Gingersnap, is that you, I barely recognized your voice.” That name still grated on everyone of my nerves, but I swore I wouldn’t let him know just how much that nickname still bothered me.
“Hey, Logan.” At the mention of his name Anna stopped what she was doing, quickly washed her hands and came over waiting for the phone. “Your mom is here, she is waiting to speak with you.” I didn’t give him a second to reply I passed her the phone.
“Hi, Logan, honey. How are you?” I could tell she missed him. She looked so happy to hear his voice and then suddenly whatever was being said on the other end of the phone wiped that smile right off her face.
“I see. So, you couldn’t get the time off from work then?” she said into the phone, disappointment lacing her voice. She was quiet for a moment. “All right, well then, I guess we will see you at Thanksgiving. I will not tell you how disappointed everyone will be.”
I hung my head knowing Anna had picked up things for his favorite meal at the grocery store this week and suddenly I felt bad for her. She looked so upset and she kept holding her fingers under her nose, she always did that to hold back tears.
I stayed in the kitchen and as soon as Anna hung the phone up from speaking with Logan, I continued to help her with dinner. I didn’t feel right leaving her all alone. “Are we having dessert tonight?” I asked hoping to get her to talk.
“I picked up something frozen for tonight,” she mumbled mixing the breadcrumbs into the bowl of meat.
“Oh, I was looking forward to your homemade carrot cake, we haven’t had it in a while. When we are finished making the meatloaf, why don’t we make one. It’s been a while since we baked together.” She stopped mixing the meat in the bowl and looked at me, one lone tear falling from the corner of her eye.