He kissed me again. “It’s okay, I understand. Just would have been nice to fall asleep with you in my arms.”
Even though he said it was okay, I could see the disappointment in his eyes as I looked at him. I leaned in and gave him a kiss and hug. He had just let me go, and I was about to start walking to my car when he spoke up.
“Cass, I really don't understand this need you have to write. Honestly, as I said, the bookstore should be enough.”
“Ray, this was always my dream, I have to do this. I had it taken away from me, and it's rare you get second chances in this life. I can't let it pass me by.” I wasn't going to stand here and argue with him or let him put me down anymore.
“Fine, whatever, go home get some rest,” he said, clearing his throat.
I pressed the remote start Ray had installed for me. “Oh, before I forget, I need you to order me some new tires for winter.”
“You’ll be fine.”
“My winters are five years old, Ray, they were getting really slippery last year.”
“You barely go anywhere, they’ll be fine.”
With my head down, I walked toward my car, climbed into the front seat, and put my seatbelt on. I jumped when I felt my phone vibrate with a notification. I frowned, pulling it from my pocket. It was after midnight, and I was with the only person who would have messaged me unless there was an emergency. I glanced up and saw Ray had already shut the front door and shut the outside light off. Opening the messenger app, my breath hitched, a funny feeling coming over me as my heart started pumping hard. Tears filled my eyes as I read the message.
Brody: I need to see you. When is a good time?
Chapter Six
Brody
When I returned from Greyfieldthe other night, the disappointment that hit me had been debilitating. I wanted so bad to find her—if she wasn't here, I had no clue where she could be. I had begged Josie to give me her number or at least confirm if I had the correct one, but she out and out refused. As the night progressed and Josie had turned in, I begged Bryan for her number. After promising him I would never speak a word of this to Josie, he confirmed I had the correct number.
Now that I knew I had the right number, I wished she would just respond and tell me to go away if she didn't want anything to do with me. I didn't know what to do. Showing up on her doorstep may not be the wisest thing, but I needed to know the truth—it was going to be the only way I would be able to move on with my life.
The sun shone as I drove slowly down Main Street until I found a parking spot. Last night, my suspicions had been confirmed on my way back to the fire station. I happened to see her walking to her car, parked out behind Coldhaven Books. She had dropped a box into the back seat, then headed back inside.
I'd parked my truck across the street last night and watched her for a bit through the window. She was just as attractive as I remembered—her mid-length brown hair perfectly cut to frame her face, her dress snug against all her curves. She looked happy, but when the last customer left, once she had closed the store, a look of sadness came over her face. I had no idea why the hell she was working in a bookstore, she was a popular author, it should have been enough to support her. I watched as she worked on the window display, but the sadness in her eyes was almost unbearable for me to see. I decided to Google her name to see when her last release came out and was shocked to find the last release was before Jackson died. Which meant what she had been working on when I had left had never been released, possibly never even finished. There was barely any other information on her, her website was gone. It was like everything I remembered about her had vanished like it had been a dream. It was like she had just disappeared.
I figured maybe time away would help how I felt about her, but it did the exact opposite. Seeing her now had confirmed how awful I felt for leaving and just how deep my feelings for her ran. I still felt the same way for her as I had so long ago. I had tried burying myself in work and dating, I had even been in a relationship for two years, but all we did was argue. All I did was find faults with her and wonder what could have been if things had gone differently with Cass. There were so many times I wanted to kick myself in the ass for walking away from her. I should have come back to her, but I didn't—until now. It didn't help that I felt like I had betrayed my best friend. Even though he was gone, I still couldn't forgive myself for abandoning her when she needed me the most, and I hated the fact I wanted so much more with her than just to be her shoulder to lean on.
I was punishing myself in a sea of regret and had been since that night I drove away. It was enough, I had to do something about it. When I broke up with my last relationship, I started to crave Cass more, and now that she was within reach, it was like an itch I couldn't scratch. But I feared I would end up living with the repercussions of my choices, especially when she wouldn't respond to me.
I put my truck in park and shut the engine off. She had stepped away from the window, but the lights were still on in the store, the open sign still blinking so I figured she would still be there for a while. I wanted to go see her tonight but wasn't sure what I was going to say to her or if I even had the courage to go. I just knew I needed to. I needed to explain to her why I left. I needed her to find her forgiveness. Fuck, I needed her, and I was going to use whatever I had to get her back. If there was anything this time apart had taught me, it was that I was totally in love with her and nothing would ever lessen those feelings.
Instead of heading to the bookstore, I climbed out of the truck and walked across the street to the coffee shop. I needed to gather up some form of courage. As soon as I opened the door, the smell of coffee hit me. I walked up to the counter and waited to be served.
“Ah, Brody, right? How are you? Have you spoken to Cass yet?” the girl behind the counter asked.
I looked at her a little confused.
“About the book drive? She's still there. If you wanted to speak with her, you should do it now, she’ll be closing soon. I mentioned to her you were going to volunteer,” she said, nodding her head in the direction of the little bookstore.
I glanced across the street. All the lights were still on, and she was back working in the front window display. It was hard for me to take my eyes off her, she looked so beautiful. She finally reached up, and the illuminated open sign went dark.
“Well looks like it won't be tonight, looks like she just closed up for the night.” I smiled at her. I breathed a sigh of relief. I felt like a total coward, I had been waiting for my out.
“Well, there’s always tomorrow,” she smiled and handed me my coffee.
“Always tomorrow.” I thanked her, took the cup, and went to sit in the front window, watching Cass from my seat. She was still working away on the window display when suddenly, an older man approached her from behind. I frowned as he said something to her, causing her to smile. I was irritated and got my back up a little as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him, a smile lighting up her face as he kissed her on the side of the neck. I could feel every muscle in my body tensing—it should be me over there, not him, and it would have been if I hadn't been such a coward. She walked away, leaving him in the window and disappeared from my sight.
I grabbed my coffee and headed across the street. I pretended to be looking at her Christmas display in the window, but what I really wanted was to get a closer look at this guy. I wanted to know who and what my potential competition was. At first glance, I didn't recognize him, but when he turned and faced the window, he looked very familiar. I searched my mind and studied his face, then it came to me. It was that fucking mechanic—the asshole lied to me. He was easily twenty or so years older than her. I could feel rage build in me at the memory of his words.
Before I did something completely stupid, I turned and headed in the direction of my truck before Cass came out from the back. I had been known to act irrationally at times and didn't want to get myself into trouble. Plus, I didn't want to come back into Cass's life acting that way to start. Instead, I sucked in a deep breath to try to calm down, climbed into my truck, and headed back to the firehouse.