"What made you come back to the house tonight?" Her soft voice was barely audible as she asked me the question that I had prayed she wouldn'task.
I muted the TV and turned to look ather.
"Well?" She sat waiting for me to answer. She looked so tiny curledup.
"Do you want the honestanswer?"
She nodded her head and took another drink oftea.
"As I drove away, I began to feel awful. You turned me away, and I acted like a pissy little teenager. I didn't want you to think I was going anywhere. I wanted to let you know that it was okay to say no tome."
I looked away from her. "I thought it was odd when you didn't answer the door, considering I had just dropped you off. I also knew you hadn't gone to bed yet because I watched as you turned on the bedroom light. Just as I was going to walk away, something felt wrong, and I thought I heard you call for help. So, I went around the back of the house and saw the back door was open. I didn't want to scare you, so I listened, and then I heard him. You know the rest." I could feel the anger begin to course through meagain.
She was silent again. I was afraid to look at her for fear she would see the vulnerability in my eyes. It took every fiber of my being not to kill him for what he had done to her. I couldn't let her see that in my face. The feelings I had for her were growing stronger by the day. I couldn't go down this path again just to have my feelings destroyed. I had lost her once, and I was afraid it would happen again. Only this time, I wasn't sure I would surviveit.
Taking a deep breath, I took a drink of my tea and turned to her. One look and I could see tears filling her eyes, some rolling down her cheeks, the look hitting me in the pit of mystomach.
"I didn't turn you down because I didn't want you, Parker. I wanted you more in that moment than I ever have. Truth is that wanting never stopped, and being around you again, that wanting has just gottenstronger."
Her words caught me by surprise. It took all the courage I had, but I turned my head to look ather.
"Your words, your actions in that moment on the beach reminded me of him. That’s why I stopped you. You should know that I'm so thankful that you cared enough to turn around and come back tonight, because if you hadn't of come when you did, I don't know what would have happened." She let out a loud, uncontrollable sob and started toshake.
I moved over to her, pulling her into me. Placing her head on my shoulder, I held her while she cried. "Cared enough, you never have to worry about that. I have never stopped caring about you. I want you to know that you’re safe now. I've gotyou."
She cried harder, pushing herself closer to me. It broke my heart having her cry like this and made me angrier at the same time. The fucker was lucky he was behind bars tonight. My main priority sat in my arms; she was all thatmattered.
Lifting her with ease onto my lap, I held her against my chest as tight as I could, at times fighting back my own tears. When she finally calmed and lifted her head to look at me, I placed my hand on the side of her face. Looking into her eyes, I brought my lips to hers and kissed her, soft and tender yet hard and forceful, with everything I had in me to give. I put my arms under her legs, picked her up, and carried her to my bedroom, her head resting on mychest.
I had already turned the bed down, so I laid her gently onto the mattress. Taking the blanket, I pulled it up over her body. I placed a kiss on her forehead. "Get some sleep,baby."
I shut the light off and grabbed a pair of boxers from my dresser on my way out of the room. Pulling the door shut part way, I went to walk down the hall when I heard her call my name. "What is it?" I asked, turningback.
"Where are you going?" I could see her faintly in the light that spilled into theroom.
"Just going to jump in the shower. I'll be on the couch if you need anything," I said, turning aroundagain.
"Please, I don't want to be alone tonight." I heard a sob escape her throat. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't sure I could do this. "Please,Parker."
"Okay, give me a few minutes to shower." I walked down to the living room and shut the TV off and headed to the bathroom. Turning the water on, I climbed into a hot shower and tried to let my feelings washaway.
Parker walked down the hall. I heard the TV go off and the water in the shower start running. I was glad he said he would spend the night beside me. I closed my eyes and thought of the beach, how safe I felt in Parker’s arms, and how good it felt to be kissed by him again. I remembered how it felt to have him touch me. I could feel myself getting aroused at the thought. I wanted him to make me feel the way I was supposed to feel, not like the dirty waste that Dean had made me think I was—the dirty waste I felt I was. I wantedhim.
I pulled the blankets up to my nose and inhaled; his scent was intoxicating. I could feel that familiar ache between my legs from earlier that evening. I was just about to slip my hand in between my legs when I heard the waterstop.
Rolling onto my side with my back to the door, I waited with my eyes closed, my pulse hammering in my ears. I felt the bed sink when he sat on the edge, and then he crawled in, trying hard not to disturb me. When the bed stilled, I rolled onto my other side and propped myself up on my elbow and looked at him. He lay there with his hands tucked behind his head, the moonlight falling through the window onto hischest.
"Parker."
"Yes."
"I wanted to say I amsorry."
He looked over at me, his gaze meeting mine. "Whatfor?"
"Everything," I answeredweakly.
He rolled onto his side. "Listen, Tatum, don't go blaming yourself for what happenedtonight."