“Does my opinion really matter?” he finally asked. “You aren’t exactly known for giving a shit about what people think.”
“Most people, no. But you and your parents, April even, are important to me. You are the only family that I have left. If this bothers you, if you tell me no, I’ll back off right away,” I promised him, ignoring the pang I felt at the thought. Not that a relationship with April was up to me anyway. I’d still have to convince her that I was worth taking a chance on.
“Man. I’m not going to lie, it’s weird.” Jeremy shook his head and drank the last of his beer. “For years April had that crush on you, and you never gave her the time of day. And then you started fighting all the time, and I figured that you had both moved onto some kind of sibling rivalry. It’s hard to wrap my head around the idea of you two dating.”
“Oh, it’s definitely weird. I admit that,” I said, resting the back of my head against the sofa cushion. “But I can’t deny how I feel about her. It’s always been there, hiding under the animosity, I think. With you guys around to keep us apart, it stayed locked away. Buried so deep I couldn’t see it. And it might have stayed that way forever if it weren’t for that damned cabin. Now it’s ripped wide open, and I can’t ignore it or hide it away again.”
I groaned in frustration and scrubbed a hand down my face. “I don’t know what to do about it. She’s all I can fucking think about.” The thoughts poured out, leaving me feeling raw and uncomfortable. Jeremy and I didn’t typically have conversations like this. I looked over and sure enough, he looked shocked, yet again.
“Wow. Look, I’ve never heard you talk aboutanygirl like that before,” he pointed out. “I wasn’t sure that I ever would. In a perfect world, it wouldn’t be my little sister that finally made you get in touch with your inner Romeo, but here we are. If you feel that strongly about her, then I guess, go for it. As long as you don’t hurt her, it’s cool with me. And don’t worry, I’ll always be your friend, and my parents will always treat you like a son. Nothing will change that, I promise,” he said, sincerely.
The relief at having my best friend’s approval was so intense that it was almost painful. I’d been so worried about Jeremy finding out what had happened between us, and hating me for it. Or, finding out and forbidding me to pursue this thing with April. Just knowing that he wasn’t upset made all the difference.
I sat up straight, breathing normally once again. “Thanks, man. I needed to hear that. I have no idea if I’ll even be able to talk April into seeing me, or if I even want to try, but I appreciate you not kicking my ass for messing around with her.”
Jeremy winced and nodded. “But if she does accept your sorry ass, just no PDA, please.” Then a horrified look passed across his face. “Oh god, where exactly did you…not in my bed right? Or the couch?”
I had never worked so hard at keeping my expression straight in my life. “Uhm, no. Of course not. We weren’t animals,” I lied, trying to sound affronted. “But anyway, back to your original point, a relationship with your sister is a bigif. She was quite clear about her feelings. And believe me, when she makes up her mind, that’s it. None of this may matter. I don’t even know how to get her to agree to see me, you know? I don’t exactly want to wait another year.”
“Sorry. I’d help if I could, but meddling in her love life feels like a step too far,” Jeremy said, slapping me on the back. “This is already too close to home for my comfort.”
“Nah, I get it. I’ll figure out something. For tonight, let’s get drunk and start the new year off right.” I turned the game back on, finally ready to focus on the evening now that my secrets were no longer secrets and I had my best friend’s blessing to pursue his sister.
If only I could figure out a way to show April my intentions were real and true.
#
A few hours later, we were buzzed and relaxed. There had been no more girl talk, thankfully. We were taking a break from the games while we ate our takeout. Jeremy was scrolling through his phone, and I was staring off into space, thinking about absolutely nothing for once.
“I have a crazy idea,” Jeremy said, startling me. “Let’s go out.”
“But it’s New Year’s Eve,” I responded, stupidly.
Jeremy laughed. “Yes, I know. The night of a million parties. Let’s do something different and go to one.”
I gestured vaguely at the TV and beer. “But…” my muddled brain was having trouble following his logic.
“We’ve been doing this schtick for ten years, and it’s been great, believe me. But maybe we can try something new,” he suggested. “Nothing crazy. Just a bar or something.”
“Why?” was all I could ask.
A bar meant a ton of people. It would be loud, and chaotic, and hot. Sometimes that was a good time, but it wasn’t really what I was in the mood for. We were comfortable in our sweats, and full of food and alcohol already.
Jeremy played with his phone for another minute. “Ok, fine. It’s Elle,” he finally admitted. “She’s not happy about us not spending the night together. I thought this was a good compromise. We go out to a bar together, just for like two hours, for the countdown, and then we can come right back here and finish up.”
“Oh.” I responded.
I knew that our tradition was a problem for his girlfriends at times. It was a romantic night for some people, apparently. I appreciated that he’d given it up for me so many times. And, I did owe him, especially since he hadn’t punched me in the balls for what I’d done with his sister.
I was already feeling much better, so I figured I could survive a few hours at a bar. “Alright, let’s go.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
April
My feet ached and I couldn’t take a full breath, but I danced enthusiastically with Erin, smiling broadly. She had been right about the bar, it was great. Not huge, but not tiny. It was fun and laid-back, with just a handful of thematic New Year’s Eve decorations floating around. There was a net full of black and silver balloons up near the ceiling that I suspected were for midnight, but I didn’t mind. It was cute.
Also, I was tipsy, and not much was bothering me, even my less than comfortable outfit.