“Sure.” I follow mindlessly, my boots crunching in the snow. It used to be one of my favorite sounds, but now, not so much.
“I know it’s late, and it’s the last thing you ever want to talk about, but I’m sorry about your baby, Savi.”
I feel like I’ve just taken a punch to my stomach, but I manage to hold it together. “Thanks, Mike,” I whisper, truly knowing he’s a good friend. I let my mind wander as we reach the top and look over the beautiful landscape. I let out a long, shaky breath. “Our baby was the only little bit I had left of Cole.” I swallow around the lump in my throat. “It’s all my fault it didn’t live.” Mike’s arm wraps around my shoulder. “It was the only thing I had left, Mike.” I start to cry quietly as he holds me. He removes his arm, checking the time on his watch.
“No, it’s not,” he whispers.
I wiggle his arm off me. “I don’t want to hear about having faith and God does things for a reason. God does mean, cruel things sometimes—” I feel my anger rise and am about to take my hurt out on my friend when I hear an engine and see a pair of headlights coming our way. The guys must be back from their latest mission.
“Sorry, Savannah, you won’t get a speech from me. I don’t believe in God.” Mike smiles. “I believe in karma and the big bang.”
“Good,” I respond, but his growing grin is making me uneasy. The SUV pulls up, and Mike starts walking toward it.
“Come on, Savi, let’s greet the guys. I’m sure they’ve had a tough trip.”
“Yeah, just give me a minute.” I wipe my cold face free of tears. God, I am sick of crying! I stick my icy hands in my jacket pockets and try to get my head clear. The last thing the guys need to see is ‘fragile Savannah’ right now. I turn on my heel, take a step forward, and stop dead in my tracks.
What?
Cole is standing a few feet from me wearing a black jacket, a hat, and Army pants. I shake my head in disbelief, reminding myself to breathe. It can’t be…
“Savannah,” he says, giving me a half-smile.
I look over at the guys, who are all grinning like fools. Cole starts toward me. I notice he has a small limp. I see his face, his unsure smile—it feels surreal. I can’t move.
“But I watched you die,” I say as he reaches out and cups my face. His hands feel so warm. “I’m dreaming.” I start to sob. “This is a fucking dream. This is cruel.” I start to panic, as I’ve experienced moments over the last few days where I could almost believe none of it had happened, only to realize with dread that it had.
“No, baby,” he leans in, “this is fucking real.” He smashes his lips to mine, making me feel him.
I reach around his neck and deepen the kiss, just wanting to feel something, even if only for a moment.
His thumb brushes away my tears as he slowly pulls back, and I see tears in his eyes as well. “Hi, baby.” My hands move through his hair, over his face, down to his shoulders. I let out a giddy laugh, but it gets caught in my throat. I shake my head, not sure what to say as the shock begins to taper slightly, so I go with the obvious.
“Hi,” I say back. “How?”
He shakes his head, staring deep into my eyes as ifI’mnot real.
“Let’s get inside and I’ll tell you everything, okay?” He winces when he lowers his arms.
“Are you all right?” I step back, inspecting him. He is obviously in pain, but he looks intact.
“I am now.” He takes my hand, threading his fingers through mine. He raises them to his mouth, kissing our joined hands. Tears stream down my face as I take in that he’s actually standing right here in front of me. My Cole, my love, my reason for living is back.
We walk in silence, and the guys follow us. His hand continues to squeeze mine. I have no idea what to say or what to think, but I can feel my heart thawing just a little.
Sue flies out the door. I let go of his hand as she wraps her arms around her son. She is crying happy tears. Abigail and June do the same, all taking their turn to ensure he’s alive and well. I step back a few steps, feeling so confused. I bump into Daniel, who smiles down at me as he gives me a side hug.
“It’s just shock, honey. You’ll come around soon. Give yourself a moment to let it sink in.”
I turn away from everyone as I gather myself for, like, the eighth time today. Lord, what I wouldn’t do to have a handle on my emotions. I feel his hand find mine again, and I turn and see him looking down at me with a questioning expression.
“Don’t let go again, okay?” He gives me a tug toward him, kissing my forehead as he leads me into the house.
We all gather in the living room to celebrate his return, everyone laughing and talking. I can’t seem to pull myself out of the shock and sadness that still has a firm hold on me. What’s wrong with me? I should be ecstatic, but instead, I’m swimming with a hundred different emotions. I try to interact with everyone. Mark hands me his special Marcus Martini. I take it and thank him, but I just stare at it.
“Okay, honey, let’s hear the story,” Sue says after everyone has quieted down. “I need to know, as I’m sure everyone else does.”
Cole nods then takes a long sip of his beloved brandy and squeezes my hand. “Let’s see, the last thing I can remember is keeping watch as the guys left the house. We needed to get out of there. Mark and Paul needed a medic. I must have been hit on the back of the head. I woke to someone taking an electric—” He stops himself and looks at me. “They roughed me up a bit, wanting to get the location of the house. They kept me handcuffed to a pipe in a small room, fed me just enough to hold on. This went on for a while until The American showed up. We had some words, and he finally got tired of me not answering his questions. The days kind of mesh together, but mostly they just pumped me for information. One night, The American left the house, and that’s when the video was made by a man named Raul.”