Taking a deep breath, I forced out the scrap of bravery I contained. “I don’t have feelings for Julien, you know. Not like that.”
His hands tightened on the wheel. “Okay.”
“If you’d rather I come and go without speaking to anyone, I can do that. Just tell me so I know what the expectations are. I don’t want to upset the balance in your house. I’d hate to think I’m causing a rift between you guys.”
He huffed. “You’re not gonna cause a rift.”
“Um…” I bit down hard on my lip, “well, good.”
Instead of pulling up to the curb in front of my dorm, he turned into a spot. With the SUV in park, he draped his arm over the wheel and turned to me. His eyes here half lidded, lazy, careless, like he hadn’t just been irate with me.
“You give a shit, huh?”
I sat up straight. “Of course I do.”
He cocked his head. “Why aren’t you into him?”
“What?”
“Julien. Why aren’t you into him? He’s nice, funny, easygoing. Girls like the shit out of him. You get along with him. You talk to him. So, why aren’t you into him?”
There was no heat behind his question. Not even a fraction. If anything, there was confusion, like he was genuinely perplexed why a woman like me wouldn’t want Julien.
I thought about my answer carefully but quickly. “I don’t think he’s my type.”
His eyes grew narrow. “You have a type?”
“Maybe? Based on my first boyfriend, who was a street racer, then Drew, who’s absolutely bananas, then you...I guess I go for guys likely to spend time in jail.”
His laugh was dry. “I’m on your list? Pretty sure what went on between us was all down to the circumstances.”
I bristled at his easy dismissal, as if I couldn’t discern for myself who I was attracted to. I wasn’t a girl who crushed a lot, nor did I fall into bed with just anyone.
“I wouldn’t have almost given you my virginity if it was only circumstance. I know my own mind and who I like. My picker could be a little choosier but—”
Amir’s hand covered my mouth. “Shut up, Zadie.”
I blinked at him, patiently waiting for him to tell me why he was mad at me this time.
“You’re a virgin?”
I nodded, still muzzled by his hand.
“You said you missed fucking.” He got closer, his nose almost touching mine. “You were going to let me inside you. If I hadn’t picked up my phone, I would have been inside your pussy.”
I nodded again.
“What the fuck?” he breathed.
I shrugged.
He finally dropped his hand down to my chin. “You’re not kidding, are you?”
“No, I’m not kidding at all. I was caught up in you that night.” I licked my dry lips. Amir followed my tongue’s path with his thumb, making me shiver. “I said I missed fucking because I…wanted something that had been taken from me because of Drew. I missed something I hadn’t had because of him.”
“What the fuck, Zadie?” He didn’t sound mad anymore, just confounded.
“I don’t know, Amir. You made me like you,despitethe circumstances.” I brushed a strand of hair from my forehead. “But it doesn’t matter anymore. I just...I don’t want you, Marco, and Julien fighting anymore. So, I’ll just keep to myself and won’t cause any problems. Okay?”