The sun was finally high enough by the time I got out, so I decided to lie on the pool chair, facing east while the kids practiced what Andrew and I taught them. I pulled my iPod out of the side pocket of my swim bag and put my new playlist on shuffle; the first song of which was “Sunrise Projector”by Tycho. It was the perfect music to lose myself to and drift away as the rays of the sun warmed my Mediterranean skin.
I closed my eyes for a while and let my thoughts dissolve into nothingness. Finally, a moment so peaceful I’d forgotten who I was. But only for a moment.
I was studying the little white flecks in my vision when a shadow stepped in front of the bright orange that lit up the inside of my eyelids. I cracked my eyes open and squinted, thinking it was someone unintentionally in front of me waiting for a friend. My heart sank, forcing my eyes wide open. They were not ready for the unfiltered sunlight as she stepped to the side, nearly blinding me. It felt like I was in a nightmare. I immediately pulled my shirt from behind me and tried covering myself. I needed to dissolve back into the chair where she couldn’t see me.
“So. You and Thad. I don’t think so,” she said, standing in my way. Hands on her hips.
Heather. She was probably the shortest of Thad’s friends—but never let someone’s size define their intent or strength. Heather was the powerhouse of the girls’ soccer team. She was known by everyone, but only reachable by few. Thad being one of them. He’d never spoken about his friends when we were together, but I knew who she was.
“Um. Hi,” I squeaked. She was more intimidating than she looked. Her condescending tone dragged out any ounce of self-worth left inside of you. “What was that?” I added, pretending I didn’t hear her.
“You heard what I said. It’s not happening,” she sneered then sashayed away.
Not happening? Who is she?The calm that inhabited my body moments earlier evaporated through my skin within an instant. The morning swim fortified my happiness for the day, then it was peeled away from me as easy as washing off a newly pressed temporary tattoo. I should not have gone there that morning. I was too exposed.
“You alright?” asked Callum as the twins approached.
The two of them grabbed their bags from next to my chair. They were finished with their lessons. I had already gone to the locker rooms and re-clothed myself. I needed to cover as much of my body as possible. This was no longer a safe environment for me to be in.
“Fine,” I said. “Let’s go.”
“Can we get a snow cone on the way out?” asked Niall.
I wanted to say no. Being there even a few minutes longer would have made my stomach turn over. But I said yes. They wanted snow cones from the concession stand, and if that was what it took to keep them calm and quiet during the walk home, then so be it.
Why was I so scared back there?I didn’t understand. I shouldn’t have cared what Heather thought of me.Who is she anyway?She was one of Thad’s closest friends. That’s who she was. She could get into his head. He was already second guessing himself. How was I going to compete with someone like that? Maybe she was being protective of her friend. The way Dana was being with me.
Does she not like that Thad might like guys?That couldn’t be it, though. She had an older brother who was gay. He was a senior when we were freshmen. The two of them clung to each other that entire year. What could it have been, then? I wasn’t that ugly, was I? Was it the Coke-bottle glasses I wore sometimes when my contact lenses were bothersome?
“Do you want to go for a walk later with Frankie?” asked Niall. He hadn’t finished his snow cone in time, and it was dripping down his arm.
Nasty,I thought. Anything sticky makes me squirm.
“We can do that. But after I shower. You guys need to shower too,” I said. We had just been swimming, which in their eyes meant we were clean. We were not.
“So. What happened to your friend Étienne?” Callum looked over at me as we waited for the crosswalk light, cars slowing down as they passed by the police station across from the library.
“Yeah, what’s his name? Thad. That was rude at the mall,” Niall added.
He had a point. It was rude. But I forgave him. And why were they asking me this? I was not ready to be talking about my first romance with my little brothers.
“Yeah it was,” I said. “But it’s okay. It happens.”
“You know we know he’s more than a friend, Étienne,” said Callum, the ticking of the crosswalk light counting down in the distance.
I kept straight, trying to ignore what my little brother said. We were only a few blocks from home.When is this going to end?
Callum caught my eye again. “You know we don’t care, Étienne. We’re not like dad.”
“That’s not fair, Callum. He’s—”
Callum stuck his hand in the air, cutting me off. “What? He was mean to you.”
Niall nodded in agreement.
I knew Callum was more observant than Niall. Niall was the silly, oblivious one of the two. They really did fill in where the other lacked. I didn’t know, though, how much they had noticed. After they were born, and as I became older, my dad treated the two of them like his best buds. I didn’t think they even noticed me. I was the distant older brother who didn’t like to have fun. Their idea of fun. Maybe there was more to them than I thought. I guess I wasn’t giving them enough credit.
The twins ran into the only two showers that we had in the house before I could grab a change of clothes, which left me with having to take a cool shower after they were done. I didn’t mind though; cool water is better for the skin anyway. We took Frankie as planned and walked to one of the elementary school playgrounds close by. The two of them competed to see who was able to jump the furthest off the swings while Frankie was on the grass, spread eagle. It wasn’t what I would have chosen to do with my day, but it was a good distraction. It kept my mind from thinking of the horrible things Heather could be saying to the only person in the world I really liked.