Chapter 13 - Jade: What I Need
The rain was coming down hard, but I just kept trudging down the trail. I needed to get out of that house. All those emotions that I had thought weren’t there came at me in full force after Ethan’s words.
So many things were going on in my head, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt like my entire world was crumbling in on me, and I had no way of stopping it. Ethan’s words had cut me deeply, but the look in his eyes—the pure hatred and hurt—had killed me.
My brother had always looked at me with nothing but love in his eyes. Even when we found ourselves on different sides, he never once looked at me the way he looked at me in that living room.
I would have brushed away the stray tears from my eyes, but there was no point since the rain was washing them away for me. I so badly wished the rain could wash away the pain I was feeling. It was a kind of pain I couldn’t necessarily put into words.
It was the kind of pain that just killed you silently and violently. The tears were falling from my eyes, but the cries were silenced. They were caged inside of me, held captive by Ethan’s words.
“Ah!” I hissed when I stepped on a twig that had thorns all around it. I cradled my foot in my hand and looked to see if I needed to pull anything out. In hindsight, I should have worn my shoes, but I felt walking barefoot was better than walking in heels on a trail. Especially with the rain pouring down like this.
There was nothing in my foot, so I kept going. I was almost there. I just hoped that my memory was serving me correctly. When I saw the little hidden sign, I knew that I was close.
I walked a few more feet down the trail and saw the small cabin. I breathed a sigh of relief and made my way to the porch.
I walked up to the door and moved the small flowerpot where the spare key was located. Thankfully, it hadn’t been moved. I unlocked and opened the door.
The cabin was exactly how I remembered it, albeit a little neglected, but it still held its charm. I reached for the switch; thankfully, the power was still working.
I walked into the living room and removed the covering from the furniture. I laid down on the couch and let out a heavy sigh of relief.
I hadn’t been to this place in years but, being here now, the load that I had been carrying seemed a little lighter. This was my safe place. The one place I could feel at peace. It had also been our place.
I shook away those intrusive thoughts because there was no need for me to be thinking of Grayson Stone at a time like this. I didn’t want to think about anything Riverroad-related. I just wanted to be at peace. I wanted to stay in this bubble.
The thunder rumbled outside, and I jumped. I had always been scared of thunderstorms which was ironic because I loved the rain. I knew I couldn’t hide out here forever. Sooner or later, I would have to face my brother.
I just couldn’t believe everything he had said. He was right, though; I had run. I had run the moment I knew I could. I had left everything behind and never turned back. At the time, I believed I was doing it for me. I was protecting my heart and my peace which had been broken and disrupted for so long.
I had never intentionally meant to hurt anyone or cause anyone any kind of pain or suffering. But I had.
A stray tear rolled down my cheek. I didn’t bother to wipe it away. I needed to feel this pain. I deserved to feel this pain. There had been so much I hadn’t known about, and so much I had refused to let in. That time in New York when my mom had come, I had treated her so poorly.
I had said so many horrible things. Now, I wished I could take it all back. I wished I could have given her the hug she had asked for. I wished I had listened to her instead of screaming at her. I wished I had told herI love you, toowhen she had told me she loved me.
I had been so blinded by hate and trauma that I refused to see her for who she currently was. I chose to judge her for who she was in the past.
A broken sob left my chest, freeing itself from within me. Then another followed, and then another and, soon, my chest was heaving from all the pain.
I doubled over and placed my elbows on my knees. I let everything I had been holding in for the past years out. All the pain I had suppressed and hidden away. I let every ugly and haunting thing out.
“Jade.” I heard my name from behind me.
I lifted my head and looked over my shoulder to see Grayson standing in the archway to the living room. He was soaking wet. He had taken off his suit jacket and only wore his dress shirt and trousers now.
Shocked, I stood up and turned to face him.
“What are you doing here?” I asked through my tears.
“I came to find you. My mom and Ethan were worried that something might happen to you in the storm.”
I sniffed. “Is he with you?”
“No, it’s just me.”
“Good.” I brushed away the tears. “Well, as you can see, I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me. So you can leave, Grayson. I know you would rather be anywhere but in my presence right now.”