“Your brother is right. I’ve known this all along, I just didn’t say anything.”
“Dutch—”
“It’s about what we saw that night, isn’t it?” He placed his hands on his sides. “Don’t deny it, Granite. I knew it would fuck with your head. God knows, it fucked with mine. But I knew it was different for you. I saw it on your goddamn face while you watched it all go down.”
I lifted my hand, pointing at him while I clenched my jaw. “You don’t know shit.”
Dutch moved closer, the hard expression on his face meant to tell me he wasn’t afraid to take me on. “Look me in the motherfucking eye and tell me that your decision to take Alyx wasn’t made that very same night we witnessed what her mother did to her.”
My nostrils flared, air rushing out of my lungs in angry waves. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t say it. Dutch was my best friend, and no one knew me better than he did.
“Can you tell me she doesn’t remind you of Kate? Of my sister?”
I looked everywhere except at him. I couldn’t.
“Thought so.” He took a step closer, eyes focused and serious. “I said this a thousand times before, and I’ll say it again. It’s not your fault. My sister made her own choices. Not you, not me, not Onyx…no one could have changed what happened.”
“I could,” I bit out. “I could have changed it.”
“No. No, you couldn’t. Even if you told someone, it still would have ended the same way.”
My regret turned to anger, and I grabbed Onyx’s beer bottle from the table, flinging it across the room, glass shattering as it hit the wall.
Dutch didn’t move. He didn’t even flinch. It wasn’t the first time he witnessed me lose my shit because of old fucked-up memories that just never let go of me.
“It’s been going on for years, you and Alyx.” Dutch lit a smoke. “I’ve seen you two look at each other whenever we paid the police commissioner a visit.”
I didn’t even try to deny it.
Dutch blew out some smoke. “But after we saw what her psychopath mother did, I knew it was only a matter of time.”
“Matter of time before what?”
A half-grin crawled up at the corners of his mouth. “Before you took her.”
“You make me sound like a fucking psychopath.”
He snorted. “Not a psychopath, no.” He shrugged. “Obsessed, maybe. But not a psychopath.”
Silence moved in around us, and I stared at the broken pieces of glass on the floor. “It’s not just because of her.” I turned to Dutch. “All this is not just because of Alyx…or your sister.”
“I know. And that’s why you got my vote at church. We can fuck up the Pythons with this, even if it’s not your only motivation. But you need to keep your head in the game.”
I took a seat across from him, pulling out a cigarette before tapping the filter side on the table. Talking about Kate had always been an uncomfortable topic between us. Mostly because I couldn’t talk about her without losing my shit. I still couldn’t understand how it was possible for Dutch to forgive me when I couldn’t even forgive myself.
Clearly, Onyx hadn’t forgiven me either.
“He loved her too.”
I glanced at Dutch.
“Your brother. He loved Kate too.”
This time, I snorted. “My brother seems to always want what I have.”
“Is that why you lost your shit with him? You think he wants Alyx too?”
I tossed the unlit cigarette to the side, no longer craving it. “Who the fuck knows what’s going on in Onyx’s head? All I know is I don’t want him near her.”