“I’m fine.”
He crouched down beside me, placing his hand against my face, checking for a fever. “Have you been feeling ill lately?”
I shook my head and leaned back on the pillow, closing my eyes. “Not really, no. Just tired…confused.” The last part wasn’t meant for Doc.
He placed his fingers on my wrist and checked my pulse. “Have you eaten anything that could have given you food poisoning?”
“No. Not unless they’ve been serving bad food here…which I highly doubt.”
And then there was silence, and a vague sense of being watched made me open my eyes.
“What is it?” I eyed Doc cautiously.
“Miss Linscott, forgive me for being so blunt, but are you using protection?”
I sat up. “Protection against what?”
“I mean, you and Mr. Fattore. Is there a chance you might be pregnant?”
And that was all I needed to vomit yet again. Doc scurried around and pushed a steel bin underneath my face as I hung from the bed. During all this time, it never occurred to me once that I might get pregnant. I was vigilant with my birth control shots, setting reminders on my phone, my laptop, little sticky notes on my goddamn fridge so I never missed my six-month appointment. But being kidnapped and almost murdered shoved that little priority right to the bottom of the list. Now, as I made the little sum inside my head, I realized my birth control shot was weeks ago…right about the time I was drugged and dragged from my apartment.
My body shuddered as acid burned my throat, spasms taking control of every muscle, my mind reeling in a thousand different directions…which all led to the same fucking answer. “Yeah, there’s a big chance, Doc.”
My heart was no longer beating inside my chest; it was pounding in the soles of my feet.
“Okay, I’ll send for a pregnancy test before we start searching for other reasons as to why you’re not feeling well.” Doc helped me back up on the bed. “I’ll inform Castello that this might be pregnancy related.”
“No!” I grabbed his hand. “Don’t tell Castello.”
He looked at me, both scared and cautious.
“Let’s see if it’s positive first.” I tried to play down my reaction. “I don’t want to worry him unnecessarily if I’m not even pregnant to begin with.”
Doc continued to stare at me, his nose all scrunched up. “Okay,” he finally conceded. “I’ll be back with the test in an hour.”
I sagged back into the bed. If there was anything left inside me to vomit, I would have been hunched over the second Doc closed that door.
Pregnant?That was just not fucking possible. Out of all the messed-up situations I had found myself in the last few weeks, being pregnant was something I would not be able to get myself out of. No one could. Just the thought sent cold chills throughout my body, apprehension coating every inch of my skin with ice. How could I have been so irresponsible?Because you were too busy trying to not get killed.
Even though my skin was cold, the blankets were too heavy. Suddenly it felt like the tiniest piece of fabric against my body made it almost impossible to breathe.
I got up and walked to the bathroom. I grabbed ahold of the sink, my legs weak and my arms shaking.
I can’t be pregnant. I just can’t. Everything that currently surrounded me was just too sordid, too dark for me to bear another human life. An innocent life.
And what would Castello do? What would he do if I were pregnant? Would he throw me out, me and the bastard I was carrying?Jesus, he was going to be so mad at me. With everything that was going on, this was the last thing he needed—the last thingweneeded.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Would he see me as used and not desire me anymore? Would our baby just be another weakness for him?
Oh God. Panic wrapped around my throat, gripping tight, choking all the air out of my lungs. I couldn’t even fathom what the consequences would be if I had to carry a Fattore child inside me. I didn’t even know what was happening between me and Castello or where we would ultimately end up. Everything was so fucked up at the moment. Less than an hour ago, I basically sentenced a man to death. The worst part? I liked it. I loved the power, the thrill of knowing that I was capable of extracting at least some of the revenge I needed for my father’s murder. How could I be a mother? How could someone as twisted as me, someone who didn’t know what the fuck she was doing half the time, raise a child to be strong enough to survive this cruel world we lived in?
I placed my palm against my belly.Please God, I can’t be pregnant.
I splashed some water on my face, hoping like hell that this was all just a goddamn dream…just like the dream I had of Castello telling me he loved me.What was happening to me?
I brushed my teeth, the hollow feeling of nerves mixed with a sickening churn of worry still lying heavily inside my gut. Not even a hot shower managed to cleanse me from the dreaded feeling. No matter how much I thought about it, I just couldn’t convince myself that being pregnant would have at least one silver lining. The entire situation between Castello and I was just too fucked up. There was just no way.
“Miss Linscott?”