Legend responded before Tavish could. “He’s afraid of you. Fucking terrified, actually.”
The way Tavish’s fingers squashed an unfortunate piece of cheese before he popped it into his mouth made her think that as ludicrous as it sounded, Legend might actually be right.
“Me? Why?” Her eyes widened. No one had ever been scared of her and never needed to be either.
When Legend opened his mouth, Tavish frowned. “I can speak for myself.”
“Yeah, but will you?” Legend lifted one shoulder. “She’s shared hard stuff today. You owe her the same respect. Don’t make some dumb excuse, or worse, a joke. Be honest.”
Tavish glanced in the direction of the refrigerator before he crumbled inward, placing a cracker he’d been about to eat back on the tray as if he’d lost his appetite.
“Does it have to do with your family? And that beautiful bride?” Karolena held her glass out to him, but he shook his head.
“We don’t drink on assignment, but thanks.” He scrunched his eyes closed like the photo wasn’t burned into his memory, then nodded. “My date to that wedding—my brother’s, by the way—blamed my new sister-in-law for a ruling she’d made while serving in the College of Justice. So she got close to me, slept with me, made me believe we were in love, then set off a pipe bomb in the middle of their reception. She slaughtered them on the happiest day of their lives. If she hadn’t gone out with the bang, along with most of my family and friends, I don’t know what I would have done to her. But I wonder every day why it wasn’t me who paid the price for being so stupid.”
Karolena splashed some of her tea over the rim of her cup as she clunked it onto the tray, then held her arms out, open, to Tavish. No one deserved to carry a burden that heavy on their own.
“I don’t know how many times I’ve said it…and I know this one won’t be the time that convinces you…but it wasn’t your fault, Tavish. You were a naive college kid. You didn’t have any of the training you do now and what happened still wouldn’t have been on you if you had.” Legend scrubbed his hand over his face. “I wish I could make you see that you’re not to blame.”
It took five seconds—or maybe ten—but Karolena didn’t budge.
Eventually, Tavish rose from the floor and plucked her out of the beanbag. He took her place in it and hugged her tight to him as his breathing sawed in her ear. She’d never realized how effective a comforting embrace could be, but holding him and being held in return did something to her insides.
Or at least she thought it was that and not his special tea.
Maybe it was both.
“Would you say I’m responsible for the things Vladimir did to me? Or even to others when I watched and couldn’t stop him?” she whispered in his ear, legitimately worried about his censure.
“Of course not.” He stroked one hand through her hair as he rested their foreheads together and looked straight into her eyes. “He’s a monster.”
“So was she.”
Legend spilled from his beanbag and knelt beside them, kissing each of them on their cheek. “You’re so resilient, both of you.”
“Am I, though?” Tavish looked at them, his emerald eyes swimming a bit. “I’ve wounded you, Legend. I know that. And I can’t seem to stop. Karolena, too. My ability to trust is broken.”
“So is mine,” she murmured. “I couldn’t even take my clothes off before, never mind have sex in a bed, or let you be on top, or even share a simple kiss. You’re not the only one here who’s fucked up.”
“It’s been like five minutes since you’ve been free and had a chance to start healing. I’ve had years to process this shit and I’ve hardly made any progress.” Tavish clutched her. For whose sake, she wasn’t sure, but she liked it.
“So that’s how you came to Shields? You were trying to keep anyone else from ever having to go through what you did.” Karolena stroked down the side of his face and cupped his cheek, his beard pressing into the heel of her hand.
“Yeah. I kind of went vigilante for a while, but I ran into Legend when he was on a mission with the military—secret ops shit—and we stuck together. I was a ‘consultant’ on a bunch of jobs for a division that doesn’t exist on paper. Not too long ago, Jordan recruited us. When we learned the purpose of Shields and were offered the chance to formally become partners, we were in. Best thing that ever happened to me, truly. The team here understands me. Accepts me, and all my quirks.”
Karolena couldn’t believe she wasn’t appalled, but instead she found it was a turn-on. To think of them against the worst parts of the world, trying to make a difference. Kicking ass and sharing women when they needed to relax. They loved as intensely as they fought. They were everything she’d dreamed of and never believed existed—men who vowed to do the right thing, no matter the cost. Sure, they had their own code of ethics and integrity, but it wasn’t based on benefiting themselves.
She peeked up at Legend, who was studying her and Tavish entwined as if the sight was as soothing to him as their respite on the “balcony” was to her. “And you? Why’d you leave the military?”
“To be with Tavish.” His blunt response held a lot of weight. Unlike her and Tavish, Legend wasn’t afraid to be honest with himself or with them.
Against her thigh, Tavish’s cock responded to the smolder in his partner’s stare. She ignored it…for the moment.
“Come on. You were eager to ditch the rules and go rogue. I know you were.” Tavish deflected a bit when the intensity of Legend’s attention was too much to bear.
“That too.” Legend’s mouth kicked up on one side. “I enjoy addressing issues we come across without sawing through a mile of red tape first. Shields are more direct and we can fix a lot problems because of it.”
“I’m jealous that you two have a purpose.” She sighed and snuggled up against Tavish, their talk and her drink making his welcoming hold impossible to resist. “Don’t tell James, but…Ihatecleaning.”