“Oopsies.” James tapped the side of his head as if trying to reengage his comms. “Looks like Liam might have gone a little overboard with those explosives.”
“Better to make sure it’s gone.” Jordan didn’t seem to mind.
Aarav turned to Ruby. “Can you get Sola for me? I need to talk to her. To hear her voice.” So that he could tell if it was tinged with resentment or disgust.
“Sorry. The shockwave from the DeathBot seems to have fucked the satellite connection. Everyone’s fine. Aven radioed in before takeoff.” Ruby clicked a few keys, then displayed several concentric neon green circles with a line moving through them like the second hand on a clock. One green blob progressed across the area. “Here’s a feed from the local radar tower. There’s our team. They’re on their way home.”
“Did you hear her react at all to…”
Ruby winced. “She cursed, then sounded like she was holding back tears. I could hear Kennedy consoling her before we lost our connection. I’m sorry. It’s going to be a long seven hours, huh?”
Everyone knew, Sola wasn’t prone to overreaction. Even if Cash forgave him, would Sola? He figured their chances had died along with everyone in that cursed valley.
Aarav’s shoulders slumped. “Very.”
But there was one thing he could do with that time. And that was face Cash. Figure out where they stood at least so that when Sola rejoined them, he had some sort of plan.
He’d beg forgiveness from them both if it would do a damn thing.
Aarav counted to five, then looked up at Cash, who had sunk back into his seat at their table, his face buried in his hands. James was leaning over, squeezing his shoulder, but it didn’t seem like Cash even realized the other man was there.
So Aarav moved closer, afraid of what he would see when Cash opened his eyes.
He crouched in front of Cash, the rest of the team giving them the illusion of space and privacy by averting their gazes and pretending not to eavesdrop as they rehashed the mission.
“Are you okay?” That had to be the dumbest thing he’d ever asked someone.
Hell, evenhewasn’t really okay with the split-second decisions he’d been forced to make.
His fingers hovered over Cash’s knee, then froze, wondering how the guy could possibly tolerate being touched by the same hand that had slaughtered his father.
“I will be. Someday.” Cash swallowed hard. “It might take some time, though. Just like I said last night. I’m sorry if that hurt you.”
“I’m the one who should be apologizing. For pressuring you and now…for this. Can you ever forgive me for murdering your father?”
“I thought we didn’t use the M word around here.” Was Cash actually making a joke?
James hid a snort with a terribly fake cough.
“And anyway, did you do it…or did I?” Cash tipped his head then, and Aarav wanted to lie. To promise it hadn’t been Cash. But if he was going to have any chance at salvaging what he desired most, he had to do better than he had in the past and trust that the people he loved could handle their complicated emotions and that so could he.
“Honestly, I have no idea,” Aarav admitted.
“It’s probably for the best. But I wouldn’t have held it against you if you’d gone ahead on your own.” One of the knots in Aarav’s intestines unkinked itself. “He had a chance to walk away, to do better. Truth is, you were right last night. He wasn’t capable of that. Or maybe simply didn’t want to do it.”
“He wasn’t able to care for you either. That’s not a reflection on how deserving you are of love from other people. Like me. And Sola, if—between last night and now—I haven’t fucked that up. There was something wrong with him, not you.”
Cash nodded. “I’m starting to believe that even if it seems impossible.”
Aarav hooked his hand behind Cash’s neck even as Cash reached for him. They drew each other nearer until their mouths found each other. Aarav settled in to the slow, careful exchange without ever once taking his stare from Cash’s.
It probably would have seemed inappropriate to people who didn’t live their high-stakes lives, but Aarav and Cash provided welcome destressing for the rest of the team after their brutal work was over. They quit pretending not to notice Cash and Aarav making up and making out. Instead, they cheered them on with whistles and catcalls. Hell, James even snapped a picture.
It was only when they broke apart that Cash winced. “What can we do to make Sola less upset with us?”
“I have an idea.” Aarav had thought about it over and over the night before and couldn’t get the idea for a special gift out of his mind.
“Does it involve your tongues doing something other than wasting time talking?” Ruby asked with a perfectly arched brow. “Just saying. That might be the most effective approach.”