“I’m so sorry, Aarav.” She captured his face between her palms, her fingers stroking his cheeks and down to his beard. “I know what that meant to you. If he can’t see it too, then fuck him.”
“Hey, it’s okay. Give him some time.” Aarav tried to understand even when his guts had turned to lead. “And if this isn’t what he wants, then it’s better to find out now.”
“No. It would have been right to say so before he took something you only would give to someone important to you.” Sola stopped short of saying the L word again.
“Whether or not he feels the same, he’ll always be special to me. And to you too.” Aarav appreciated her loyalty more than he could put into words, but despite the pain lancing him…the truth was, he had come to care deeply about Cash in the brief but intense time they’d spent together. And whether or not they’d fucked first, it would have ripped his heart out to say goodbye.
So at least he’d gotten to experience this once before everything fell apart.
Because he didn’t know how it would work with him and Sola if Cash wasn’t there, and his ghost would serve as a constant reminder that Aarav had failed Sola and cost her the rapture she’d found between them. Having experienced it himself, he knew what a devastating loss that would be.
Suddenly, he could hardly swallow. He needed something to drink.His tea.
He groaned.
“Are you okay?” Sola asked quietly, her concern only making him feel worse about ruining the good thing she’d had going.
“Fine.” Aarav rolled from bed, marched into the kitchen, and dumped the ruined tea down the drain. He should have known better than to trust someone else with something so important to him.
The liquid was so dark it was nearly black. Far too strong to be palatable.
Maybe I’m too much—too much work, too much fuss.
And it had gone cold long ago, before he even had a chance to enjoy it.
Maybe Cash is too bitter and too gun-shy to accept that he’s found not only one person who adores him exactly as he is, but two of them.
Aarav couldn’t unsteep the tea any more than he could take back the powerful emotions that had inspired him to push the boundaries of their intimacy faster than Cash had apparently been able to handle.
Aarav threw his mug into the sink hard enough that it shattered. He stood there staring at the shards of his favorite cup as blood tricked down his knuckles, wondering how he was going to keep himself together and if he alone could ever be enough for Sola again, now that she’d developed a taste for being shared.
He cursed himself for surrendering to unwise urges and allowing himself to feel so damn much. Because right then it hurt like hell.
16
The next morning Cash sat on the side of Aarav’s guest bed with his head in his hands, wondering why he’d gotten so twisted up the moment Aarav took their liaison beyond casual sex. It wasn’t like what he’d shared with Sola and Aarav had anything in common with the meaningless fucks he’d indulged in his entire adult life.
He curled his bare toes in the area rug that warmed up the gorgeous dark wood floor. Even the houseplants staged around the room in distressed bronze pots made him feel comfortable and at home in a way nothing but the sea had before.
If he was being honest, what he’d loved about living on the ocean was that he was insulated from disappointment and the people who would wound him if given half a chance. Like his father.
Here, he didn’t worry about that because everyone was accepting. He knew more than his body was safe inside those walls. Or at least he had right up until the moment Aarav’s pledge reminded him that they’d reached a place where if it didn’t work out, it could destroy him.
Whether they’d said the words or not, their coming together had already transformed him. And in the moment Aarav and Sola had needed the same reassurance from him, he’d let them down. Shit.
He had to find them and hope they’d give him a second chance.
Before he could rise to seek them out, a loud triple-bang rattled the door. It was Sola, who was probably even more pissed at him than Aarav considering how protective they were of each other. “Cash, get your ass up. Meeting downstairs and you’re coming with. Everyone will be there, so there’s no one else to babysit you. Let’s go. Right now unless you want me to let Jordan throw you in the basement after all.”
Oh fuck.Yup.She was pissed.
He was still hopping on one foot across the living room as he dragged his second sock on when Aarav and Sola, their expressions steely, emerged from Aarav’s bedroom.
“First, can I just say—”
“We don’t have time for that.” Sola had her business face on. She didn’t even look him in the eye when she breezed past and headed out the door to call the elevator. Marcus, Kennedy, and Knox had beat them to it and were waiting impatiently as he joined them, Aarav bringing up the rear.
When the elevator dinged and the doors slid open, the car was already jam-packed. Ruby, Liam, Ace, Legend, Tavish, and Nolan were inside. Ace tucked Ruby between him and Liam, probably not accidentally, before waving them in. “Hurry, squish in. We can make it in one trip.”