“That would be a lie.”
“Nowyou’re afraid to break the rules?” She threw up her hands and made a growl of frustration that did nothing to tamp down the desire simmering inside him. “Help a girl out, would you?”
“I’d like to. Except that would be repeating the same mistake.” Nolan itched to reach for her, but it would only dig them in deeper. Though, as she’d pointed out…sometimes doing the wrong thing felt awfully damn right.
“Wait…what?” Laurel looked up at him then, her brows knitted together. “I want Jace to be happy, and if that means having you, well, you heard Devra. I can always find something to keep me occupied and out of your way for a while. Don’t worry about me.”
“Come on. I’m not Jace. I don’t silently tolerate shit very well and denial is not my forte. You have to know I’m as attracted to you as I am to him and it’s frustrating the hell out of me to watch you two dance around each other when you’d be so damn good together.” There. He’d admitted it. “Jace is afraid to hurt you by taking something he thinks you’re not ready or willing to give, and you’re convinced he’s not into you because he has the control of a goddamned saint. Clearly more than I have, anyway. I cracked after less than a month of being bombarded by the sexual tension that’s flying between you two constantly. Never mind all the years you two have been stuck in this cycle of perpetual foreplay and denial. Living in that tiny house with the two of you is like being caught in a whirlwind of desire, and I’m not the kind of man who sits on his hands when there’s a solution—or a sexy partner, or two—within reach. I get that sex probably means something a lot different to me than it does to you two. Between consenting adults, it’s fun and natural and hard for me to think of reasons why I shouldn’t indulge whenever and with whomever I feel like getting off with. It’s the relationship part you and Jace nailed that I’ve never really had a chance, or the desire, to try before. I’m jealous as fuck.”
“Oh.” Laurel blinked a few times.
“That doesn’t freak you out, does it?” Nolan scrubbed his hand over his face. “I’ll ask Jordan to assign someone else to your case if it does. I’m sure Sola would be more than happy—”
“Don’t go. Don’t leave us.” Laurel stepped closer and put her fingers on his wrist, pressing until he lowered it and she could peer up into his eyes from closer than she ever had before. “Unless it’s too much for you to deal with. I’m well aware of the toll it can take on your soul to want something and never have it. To sacrifice so the person you’re obsessed with doesn’t have to deal with your bullshit.”
Nolan reached out but stopped short of touching Laurel until she leaned into his caress. He stroked her hair as he murmured, “That’s probably the definition of love, you know. Wanting someone else to be happy even if it’s at your expense. But it doesn’t make it healthy.”
“Which is why I don’t blame you for making out with Jace. It’s not your fault. He doesn’t even realize how hot he is. Ugh.” Laurel rolled her eyes.
“Oh hell yes, he does.” Nolan remembered the fierce intensity in Jace’s gaze as he’d stalked Nolan through the kitchen. “Don’t be fooled. He’s hiding an awful lot of himself from you because he thinks it makes you safer.”
“What if he’s right?” Laurel bit her lower lip.
“He would never hurt you. You must know that.” Nolan tipped his head.
“Of course. Not on purpose.” She sighed. “There are parts of Jace no one else sees. You two are nothing alike. You’re gentle and sweet and bright light.”
Nolan tried not to laugh as he mentally tallied his body count.
“Jace is dark and fierce but loyal. And somehow I’m drawn to you both. I do worry that if Jace and I ever crossed that line, maybe one of us—or both of us—wouldn’t be able to handle it when he really lets loose. And at the same time, I’m afraid I could never trust anyone else as much as I trust him, so I’ve never even…you know.”
Nolan couldn’t believe she thought her roommate was the more sinister of the two of them given what he did for a living. He probably would have said so if she hadn’t shocked him first. “Are you saying you haven’t been with anyone at all since you left Draven?”
She swallowed hard then nodded. “I mean, not for fun. There were a couple of times it was that or Jace and I weren’t going to eat for a week. I don’t care about myself, but I couldn’t sit there and watch him starve.”
And damn if that didn’t trigger every bit of his nature. For the same reasons he’d baited Jace, Nolan wished he could encourage Laurel to get over her fears and take what she deserved. But he knew it wasn’t that simple. Not for her. “After all this time I imagine willingly sharing that with a partner you care for has been built up into something major in your mind.”
“Exactly. Of course you get it.” Laurel chewed her index finger then whispered, “Feel free to say no, but if I wanted to break the ice…would you volunteer to help me out?”
Nolan grinned and stayed glued to the floor but he shifted so that his arms were open to her. It made his entire year when a mischievous smile curled Laurel’s rosy lips and she took a step closer. “I mean, it would serve Jace right…wouldn’t it?”
“I’m willing to be a pawn in your game.” Nolan shrugged.
“Maybe I could have what he did. A taste. A kiss.” Laurel went up on her tiptoes and laid her palms on his bare chest, tempting Nolan to howl. His cock roared back to life and begged him to remind her that Jace’s hand had been down his pants too. Not that he would. He’d gladly accept anything she decided to share with him and prize it, knowing what it meant to her—and him—because of that.
In fact, he stood there, stone still as she advanced on him, not nearly as aggressively as her roommate had but every bit as seductively. Laurel stared up at him with wide, gorgeous hazel eyes, then laid her lips on his and gently swiped them across his parted mouth.
He didn’t hesitate then, refusing to let her think for an instant that he thought she was damaged goods, like she’d feared Jace might. He showed her with silky caresses and tender sighs precisely how much he loved it when she let herself be vulnerable and he did the same in return.
Her arms went around his neck and her fingers speared into his hair. It said an awful lot that he didn’t even mind when she mussed it. Instead he groaned and slipped his tongue out to dart across hers.
As he held her in his arms and she melted against him, he started to dream. What if Jace was there behind him and they had a shot at a real relationship like the one James shared with his spouses or Jordan with his or Devra with her two men? Was it too much to hope for that he could find not only one but two partners who perfectly balanced him out?
Probably.
Especially when there was no damn privacy to be had. He heard the din of chattering voices only a moment before the door was flung open and a cold breeze rushed inside, washing over him and Laurel. He spun, sheltering her flushed face and rapid, shallow breathing from whoever was busting in on them.
“Nolan, where the hell are the rest of your clothes? It’s freezing out there,” Sola asked with payback glinting in her eye. He instantly regretted those times he’d ribbed her about Aarav’s crush on her. Turnabout aimed at him was one thing. But Laurel…