His other hand came up and rested in the small of her back, his fingers sliding into her pockets and flexing on her ass a bit, as if he didn’t plan to let her go.
“I’m not sure you know what you’re getting into. Trent has issues, sure, but he’s still pretty normal. He had a complete family and went to nice schools and…”
“He didn’t feel any more accepted than you have.” Holly put her hands on Owen’s shoulders and began to rub them, hoping to keep him relaxed and open. “I’m not criticizing. I’m just not sure that you see yourself the way I do and I wish you could. I don’t know exactly what you’ve been through, but I’m willing to listen if you ever want to share.”
He shrugged, encouraging her to scrub the tension from his muscles again. She would do it as often as required in order to soothe him. Being honest, she hadn’t ever known she had this side of her—the caretaker—until her mother got ill. Whether it had always been there or had become a part of her then, when someone she loved needed her to develop it, it was there now. A pillar of her identity. Something that fulfilled her. And if it also helped Owen, then she was glad she’d learned these skills along the way.
“I grew up in a shitty area, with shitty parents, and shitty chances. When I got tired of being a punching bag for the string of boyfriends my mom kept around to have access to meth, I ran. I’ve been homeless. I’ve done things I shouldn’t have to get by. Sold drugs. Stole stuff and sold that too. Fuck, I even sold myself when I had to.” He closed his eyes as if certain she would change the way she looked at him when he admitted it.
Holly slid her hands between him and the couch, hugging him tight instead. She wasn’t trying to seduce him, she was trying to be what they both needed. At first he didn’t react. Slowly, his arms came up and around her too, embracing her in return.
“Sorry that I’m weird and screwed up,” he murmured. “I didn’t have a mom like yours. No one taught me how to act toward someone you care about.”
“Telling them you give a shit is a start.” She rested her forehead on his and smiled. “Thank you. And for the record, I think you either already know how to act deep down or you have good instincts or maybe you’ve learned more than you think along the way. I saw how kind you were to the taxi driver, and the man at the hospital just today. You also made sure the security team had lunch and helped Kari’s guys throw her an incredible engagement party when they were practically strangers to you. You treat Moose like he’s a son instead of your dog, and you always let Trent and Lorenzo take what they need before you in bed.”
“Oh.” His mouth snapped shut. “I guess those things are true. I didn’t realize you were paying that much attention to me.”
“Well, now you know I have been.” She leaned in and kissed him lightly before pulling back again, rubbing the pads of her thumbs over his temples while she cupped his head in her hands.
“I’ve never felt like this about a woman before,” he finally admitted.
“What exactly does that mean?” She didn’t want to make assumptions or put words in his mouth.
“I don’t know how to explain.” He leaned forward and brushed his lips across hers. Instead of the nearly desperate way he normally kissed her, in the heat of the moment while inside her or while watching one of his best friends fucking her, this time was different. He was gentle and almost timid.
Her heart ached for him. She realized then that making love was the only language he had to express himself when it came to relationships. So maybe she should let him tell her in the way he understood. The way that came naturally. And when desire eroded his restraint, maybe then he’d be able to overcome his inhibitions.
“If it’s too hard to say what you’re feeling, then you can always show me.” She didn’t know about him, but she felt fluent in the dialect of his body when she glided against him sinuously, and he responded by meeting her halfway, eager to bond them even tighter than they had been before.
Owen had to understand that she desired him, and not only because he was thrown in as a bonus in a package deal. No, it was because something in him called to the part of her that had been forced to keep going despite the unfairness of life and the obstacles that had been tossed in her path. She respected the kind of courage and perseverance it took to survive. He was so much stronger than she’d ever been. That both attracted her and made her long to give him the basic stuff he’d missed out on. Like comfort, and trust, and security. Sweetness and light.
“Can this time be different?” she asked him between sips from his lips.
“How?” He stared down at her breasts, making them both remember what it had been like when he’d pleasured himself between them.
“So far it’s been a little like having sex with a stranger.” Holly blushed because they were both well aware that she’d gotten off on it.
He laughed at that.
“I mean, you might have done that before, but I never have. It’s been a fantasy come to life.” Male satisfaction curled up his lips at her confession. “It also feels reckless. I didn’t know you as well as I probably should have to be intimate with you at first, but I trust Trent and his judgment in picking friends and partners. And now…”
“I want to get to know you even better.” He didn’t hesitate about that. “I can say that for sure.”
“What if you don’t like what you learn?” she asked, almost afraid of the answer. She owed it to him though to be as honest as he was being. “If I’m with Trent and Lorenzo but things don’t work out with you and I, what would you do?”
“For my whole life, the only constant has been me. If this doesn’t happen for us, if we don’t mesh, I’ll figure something out. We shouldn’t not try just to keep from avoiding some what-if.” The more Owen opened up—to her and, she suspected, to himself—the more he seemed to convince them both. “You’re right. Up until now, it’s been fun, but I’d much rather have something more, something lasting, with you if that’s what you want too. I guess I didn’t let myself get my hopes up that you could be into me, for me, until right now.”
Holly couldn’t help but grin at that.
“Oh, shit. What have I done?” Owen reflected it right back at her. “Why do I feel like I just unleashed something I’m never going to be able to regain control of?”
“Do you honestly trust me?” she asked between whisper-kisses.
He swallowed hard and tried to rock to the side in order to flip her beneath him on the couch. She planted her knees and leaned the other direction.
No way. Holly resisted. “Do you?”
He drew a deep breath, then sighed. “Yeah.”