“I get it,” She squeezed my hand, “you don’t need to tell me. But, you may want to see someone to talk about it. If you have PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder, or anxiety, or even depression it would help. I meet with someone once a month to talk about how my sister and mother died, it didn’t make it easier but I was able to sort it through with someone without having that emotional attachment there. It was nice to have an outside perspective.”
“Your sister and mom died?” I asked in a whisper, she nodded, her eyes darkening slightly.
“It was a bit ago.”I felt like time didn’t change something like that.
“Who do you talk to?”
“Her name is Anna,” she smiled, “she’s a psychologist that is part of our pack. It’s funny because she’s actually the daughter of our herbalist, they work together on almost everything.
It’s kept pretty quiet though, her patients don’t really talk about going. Like I said shifters are weird about that...which makes no sense since they are cool with a bunch of other open minded stuff but that’s nothing new. Mental health is never taken seriously until something bad happens.” I nodded but wasn’t positive I fully understood what she meant by ‘bad.’
“I think I might like talking to her,” I said hesitantly thinking about how scary it seemed...but at the same time it would be nice to have someone tell me what was normal and not. I mean, I loved my boys but I could tell how much it upset them when I told them about my childhood. I didn’t like upsetting them even if they said they wanted to hear it. So maybe this would allow me to be able to explain it better to them, eventually.
“Here is her number,” Jordan sent it to me as my phone lit up. Honestly, I forgot about the device pretty often. I inhaled feeling a bit of hope at the concept of being able to relay what happened to me when I got trapped in my memories. I was jealous of how coherently Jordan seemed to be able to express everything.
“Maya?” Ledger’s voice called from outside with a knock. Jordan shook her head in amusement offering me a hand squeeze before I inhaled, following her out. Instantly, Ledger had me against his chest as he smoothed my hair looking worried.
“Are you alright?” He asked softly. How long had I been gone? Not very. Was he that worried about me? My chest warmed at that.
I noticed Jordan had gone back to the lunch room but I tried to answer honestly. “No.”
“No?” His eyebrows shot up.
“Not completely.” My eyes darted away as my courage to be honest wobbled slightly, “I had a memory pop into my head that was from when I was in the basement...and I just felt...” I paused frowning. “Overwhelmed. I felt sad and overwhelmed.”
Ledger searched my gaze as he nodded, running a thumb over my cheekbone, “Do you want to talk about it?” I knew he would talk about it all day with me.
“Not yet,” I whispered quietly. “Jordan mentioned she talks to someone that helps her sort through her anxiety.”
“Do you think you have anxiety?” Ledger asked, his brow crinkling. Unlike Jordan’s experience with shifters, I didn’t see any judgement at all, just concern. Then again I felt like I could have ten eyes and be purple and my mates would probably still accept me. They were sweet like that.
I shrugged, “I’m not sure, but I think I should talk to someone and try to figure it out. She also mentioned PTSD and depression. I just think it may be worth a shot.”
“Alright,” he nodded and kissed my temple, “If you want to see her we’ll make it happen or find someone else that you feel comfortable talking to.”
My eyes watered lightly as I tightened my arms around him. “Thank you.” I found myself wanting to say more than that. To thank him for being him. For being someone that I was pretty sure I was starting to love.
***
THE CUPCAKES HAD BEENas good as I thought they would. I was feeling far more upbeat after my discussion with Ledger.
Henry walked next to me in the gym, both of us having finally finished running. I had a feeling that Henry had gotten snippets of what had been going on in my head earlier despite trying to stay out. I believed him about that. Henry wasn’t a liar. I grabbed his hand as he offered me a smile.
“So this interview today,” I started wondering what exactly it would be like.
“It won’t be that bad,” he groaned in contrast, “just some reporter asking you about what happened.”
My lips twisted, “What should I say?”
“What do you want to say?” His voice was thoughtful as he searched my face.
When the bell rang, I’d yet to form an answer. I didn’t want to tell them the truth but I also didn’t want people thinking that Jed and my mother were in any way the victim. I had spent a long time feeling as though I’d deserved their treatment but my mates were proving how clearly wrong that thought process had been.
As I changed into my school clothes, the other girls filed out of the locker room. Their stares and whispers surrounded me. I untucked my hair from my blazer as I pushed through the door into the main hallway. Immediately, I felt uneasy.
Two men were standing a few feet away, dressed in black suits talking casually, until they saw me. I froze not knowing what to do as the first approached, short, stocky and looking far more friendly than his scary counterpart. I really didn’t like this. Where were the guys? I felt like they would know how to handle this particular situation more than I ever could.
“Maya Moretti?” he asked as my lips almost tilted in a smile because that was not my last name but...I sort of loved it. My chest fluttered as I thought about how that would look drawn out.