Chapter 7
Maya
Thursday morning waschilly but far less cloudy than normal, a grey overcast broken apart by sunshine trying to break through. I tugged my sweater over my hands as we entered our policy class, my travel coffee mug empty despite feeling as though I totally needed more caffeine. Maybe Iwasbecoming addicted to it... I shivered slightly as a cold rush of air passed me. Anani offered me a concerned look.
“You want my jacket, Peanut?” he asked as the other two followed us to our seats, my comfortable position surrounded by them, warming me slightly already.
“I don’t want you to be cold,” I reasoned, as he tugged it off anyway and had me slip my arms through it, the comfortable material warming my body before he intertwined his hand with mine.
I could feel eyes on us, one’s that I tried to ignore.
Henry could not say the same, a low rumble of annoyance making him snap his book shut as seats shifted and people looked away. “I am getting so tired of this.” Henry muttered, “I’m starting to think the December plan was a better idea.”
“December plan?” I arched a brow turning to face him.
Henry’s grey eyes ran over my face, “Before we met you, the twins and I were going to graduate in December but unless you want to finish the year out with homeschooling-”
“Yes,” I stated softly, as both twins stilled and offered surprised expressions.
“Really?” Henry frowned, seeming surprised.
“I learn better on my own anyway and I feel like I could learn a lot faster and spend my day being way more productive if I could do it my own way,” I responded quietly. Henry’s smile grew as he nodded, taking out his phone.
“Let me see what our options are.” He said softly before the bell rang. I felt like it was a good compromise because I wasn’t completely dropping out like I had said to Marco but I also wouldn’t be wasting my time here. I would have a degree if I ever needed it but could pursue everything else I found interesting.
I turned around in my seat and found that now it was even more difficult to focus. Instead, I took out my sketching notebook I’d gotten from Clara’s crafts and started drawing. I was behind a fairly large student so I wasn’t overly concerned the teacher would notice the lack of attention. Plus, and this may be completely my imagination, I felt like the teachers didn’t want to say anything negative towards me.
I started with drawing Bella, her little whiskers and the bow in her fur making me smile. I’d wanted to bring her to school with me today because the house would have been lonely without anyone there. I could only imagine something awful happening to her, like what if she fell down the stairs? I’d had a near panic attack thinking about the possibilities. The compromise? The others were working from home and promised to keep an eye on her. I knew she would be in good hands with them. I had a feeling they had chosen to stay home because I was freaking out but I guess I would never know.
The only person not at home was Atlas because he was going to his security company's office. Apparently, he had a branch in Seattle. I noticed they didn’t talk about it very much and I wondered why that was. I should have asked him more, a good mate would. I had the urge to know everything about these men and I was just hoping they wouldn’t get tired of explaining their life to me.
My eyes trailed the picture and I realized I’d started drawing dragons as well. The ones from the book yesterday. How odd was it that the fairytale stories included in books I was allowed to read, were real? I had always thought it was odd that they’d included that book with historical texts and the bible. But it was pretty obvious after a few weeks that they hadn’t placed it in there. In fact, they didn’t seem to know about it at all. When they’d asked where I’d learned about dragons and fairies, I told them the textbook had covered mythology. It was a bit unbelievable but I’d been relieved to not get a beating for that one.
My eyes fluttered as a memory surged forward.
I was curled up on the stone floor, the rainy wind blowing directly into the damp cell. My hair was matted with blood and my back was torn open from the belt she had used. I could feel tears falling down my face as I tried to rationalize why this was happening. Why this always happened to me. Why did she hate me?
I had tried so hard to be good. I did everything they asked. Everything. Still, my mother would come in furious about one thing or another and less than thirty minutes later I would be like this while she was upstairs talking happily over my head. Maybe this was normal. I had to believe that this is what happened to all kids because if I didn’t, then... I wasn’t positive about what to think. My eyes closed as I tried to find some comfort, tucking a hand under my head.
My brain began to create stories from the fairytales I’d read these past few days. I wanted to be the fierce knights that saved the princess. But I also wanted to be the princess. I wanted to be someone that others loved and cared about. Couldn’t I be both?
“Firefly?” Ledger asked carefully, touching my hand and bringing me out of my memory with a flinch. The bell rang and my eyes shot down to the picture I’d drawn, the dragons and kitten fading into a dry cell, made of three walls and bars over the window. Tilting my head I realized that in the corner, I’d drawn a small form. Me. I’d drawn me and I was captivated by the image, unable to look away until Henry’s stormy eyes appeared in front of me.
“You okay?” he asked softly. I swallowed and closed the notebook, taking Anani’s hand as I stood up, feeling a bit dazed. I couldn’t tell you what they’d talked about on the way to lunch. Maybe they hadn’t talked about anything. All I knew was that I found myself sitting at the lunch table with a cupcake in front of me and no appetite.
“Is she okay?” A familiar voice asked, as I looked up at Jordan. Her eyes softened and she ushered me up, despite the boy's complaints as we walked towards the bathroom. I inhaled feeling the tears escape as I stared at the floor for a minute, Jordan sitting on the counter but not saying anything.
“I don’t feel good,” I mumbled, running a hand through my hair after a few minutes of trying to calm my breathing. I felt light headed and my eyes pricked with tears I didn’t understand, a weight on my chest like an anchor.
“I believe it.” Jordan stated softly as I looked up at her concerned face, “Panic attacks are never fun.”
“Panic attacks?” I asked quietly.
“Yeah,” Jordan whispered, “I get them a lot actually. It’s not exactly very accepted in the shifter world, having anxiety or depression...anything they deem as a weakness. But our pack doctor has me take a supplement since normal human medicine won’t work on me.”
Did I have anxiety? Or depression? Maybe the first. But only in certain situations.
“I only get it when I have something that reminds me of...” I stopped because I hadn’t told Jordan about how I grew up. I wasn’t ready for that.