My heart breaks a little at the thought.
The look on Tristan’s face as I approach him is one of awe. He’s looking at me the way I’ve always dreamed of him looking at me, even if I am bundled up in a winter coat.
He leans forward and catches me by the waist, kissing me softly. And against my better judgement I kiss him back. As if my body would have given me any kind of choice in the matter.
Taking a step back, he looks me up and down. “You look incredible.”
“Thank you.”
The side of his mouth tips up into a smile. “Wondering why we’re standing in the cold?”
I laugh in spite of myself. “Honestly, yeah.”
“Well, I wanted this to be special even though it’s not summertime, so I thought of where I would do it if I were warmer, and I’ve always loved this place. It’s beautiful, even in the winter.”
It’s true. There’s ice floating down the river and in the fading daylight the entire park seems to sparkle since it’s covered with snow. I see Tristan move out of the corner of my eye and I swear for a minute that my heart stops beating. That I’ve died.
Tristan is on one knee in front of me, looking up at me with all the love I could ever want. Oh no.
“Nicola, I know that this is fast. I tried to convince myself to wait. That we needed to experience life just dating for a while before we jumped into anything deeper. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was bullshit. We’ve both spent so much time waiting for each other, I don’t want to be apart from you anymore. I told you that I wanted to marry you, and I do. I swear to you that I will never walk away again.
“I want to wake up with you every morning and know that you’ll be with me. Nicola Thompson, will you marry me?”
He’s holding out a ring that sparkles in the twilight. Twisting diamonds and silver—a ring that looks like it was pulled from my imagination and forged just for me. Maybe it was.
I think my jaw actually drops open in shock. This is actually happening. Now? Tonight? Oh my god.
My first reaction is absolute elation, but then my heart comes crashing down like a meteor. How can I say yes when there’s so much that I don’t know?
I thought that I’d known the worst pain in my life when Tristan disappeared and I knew that it was because of me. But it’s nothing compared to the pain that’s in my chest, because my heart has shattered. It’s lying on the ground in a million pieces because of the word on my lips. “No.”
I see the same pain hit him when he registers my answer. “No.”
“I’m so sorry.”
He hasn’t stood up, and right now I’m not even sure if he can. “Why?”
Tears flood my eyes and I have to look away. I just shake my head—I can’t do this. Quickly, I turn and move toward my car, but he catches me. “Wait, Nicola please. I need to know why. What happened? What changed? Just four days ago you told me that you loved me.”
“I do love you,” I whisper, trying to keep my emotions in check and failing completely.
“Then why?”
I can’t look at him when I say this. “Jill had an idea for the gala. A bachelor’s auction for charity and she wanted to use you. But she mentioned that it might not be a good idea—that it wouldn’t look good. She didn’t clarify, just said she had seen some old headlines.”
Tristan closes his eyes and his shoulders slump, but he doesn’t speak and now I feel like I can’t stop. “So I googled you. And…I don’t understand how there could be so much that I didn’t know about you. That you had a wife and a kid, that you were arrested. I’ve known you my whole life and now I feel this stupid kind of betrayal because I thought that I knew you and I feel like I don’t and as much as I love you I can’t marry you when I don’t have answers.” Tears are streaming down my face and my chest aches like I’ve been punched. Tristan reaches for me and then lets his hands drop.
I see the change of heart on his face again as he reaches for me, folding me against his chest and I don’t know why I let him do it, but I do. I hate how much relief this brings, even when I’m heartbroken and furious. His voice is rough with emotion. “Please let me explain. Please.”
I can only nod.
“There’s one thing that I don’t usually talk about, and I’m guessing that this is something you don’t know about me either. I was named after my father. Technically I am Tristan Swallows the second.”