“The only reason you wouldn't tell me is if it is going to make me madder than I already am. The only thing that I can think of that would do that is if; One, the guys at the party told you that I was coming and considering that they are just as scared of me I don't think they would, or two, you have a tracker on me.” When he doesn't respond right away, I know that I have my answer but I turn to him and give him my dirtiest look anyways.
“Scar.”
“Oh, don't take that tone with me, sugar. I did what I had to do to make sure that you are safe. I don't regret it and I won't tell you how I did it, but if you keep looking at me like that I will bend you over this car and spank your ass.”
I want to scream at him, beat on his chest and make him as mad as I am right now. Only, it wouldn't work, I doubt that there is anything that I could personally do that would make Scar mad at me.The idea of him spanking me takes a lot of the heat out of my head anyways.
“You shouldn't be mad at Bell.”
“Oh? And why is that?”
“He cares.”
“He cares so much that he stayed within walking distance of my sorority house, and I had no idea he was here?” I let that sink in a little before I continue, “He cares so much that he sent months' worth of texts, and not one of them told me that he was here to see me.”
“Now wait a moment.” He steps in front of me and pushes me back against the car. “We stayed away because you asked us to! You told us that you didn't want to see us and that it would be easier for you if you didn't. So, we kept our distance. We watched from the sidelines while men threw themselves at you. We bit our tongues and beat the shit out of brick walls as you went about your life as if that night didn't happen.” I pull the cigarettes up to my mouth and blow the smoke into the air between us, “We didn't move on. We didn't fuck club whores and act like it didn't happen. We didn't run the second that we had the chance. You might be bothered by them watching you, obsessing over you, loving you, but I promise you, none of the pain or anger that you feel can touch the pain that we felt when you tried to sneak out that morning.”
Shit. How is a girl supposed to respond to something like that?
I didn't think that I was doing any harm to them, I figured that they would have their fun and move on. When they didn't stop right away, I thought they might chase me for a while and then get bored of the game. Maybe they would decide that I am not worth the trouble and go about the life they had before that night ever happened. I thought that six months was a long time for them to still be sending me messages, but I figured that the light would fade eventually.
How in the hell did I not think about this hurting them?
Actually, I know the answer to that. I didn't think it would hurt them because I didn't think about their feelings. I only thought about myself, part of that was the fact that I didn't think for a second that they would truly want a life with me, but most of it was that I was barreling out of town as fast as I could.
I am not your typical girl next door.
My father put me in self-defense classes when everyone else was taking ballet or gymnastics. His officers taught me how to properly use a knife when I was 10. I saw my dad cut a man's finger off at 12, a normal person would have run away screaming or cried themselves to sleep that night. At 15 I got in my first fight because someone at school was talking shit about my father and said that I should have been taken away from him years ago. I daydreamed about killing one of my teachers in high school because she reported a bruise that I had from one of my classes and CPS got involved. I had to explain to no less than 10 people that no one abused me, I never saw anyone do drugs and my father was a saint–okay, I lied–so that they would leave us alone.
Why would anyone want to spend the rest of their lives with someone as dark and twisted as I am? I know they are part of this dark world, but they all saw something terrible that pushed them to the dark side.
I grew up in it. I was bathed in the blood of the club's enemies at a young age and there is no undoing the damage that I have.
Scar is still standing in front of me, one of his hands on my hip the other pulling his smoke to his mouth. He doesn't try to drag me out of the hole I am spinning down and I know that it's because he is watching the realization happen in my eyes.
These men knew what they were getting when they fucked me that night. They know about all the dark things I have done for my father, but they aren't worried about the parts of me that are broken. They want me anyway and I didn't want to accept it until now.
If I was watching someone on tv do what I had just done to these guys, I would be screaming and yelling at her for being a fucking idiot. How hard it is to see when someone—or three someones—is in love with you?
Turns out it's really fucking hard.
“We should go inside.”
9
Pyro
I jump to my feet when the door flies open and smacks the doorstop behind it. Scar was outside but I know that he wouldn't come in like that unless something is wrong. My hand is on the gun in the back of my pants when I turn and face whoever is busting in, it would be damn hard to cover up but I will shoot someone that thinks they can break into our apartment like that.
“Wha—” my words cut off when the person that walks through the door isn't Scar, but a very pissed-off Finley.
“You,” she points at me and then back at the couch, “Sit down. There is one more person that needs to be in here for this.” Scar follows her in and shuts the door behind him. I can't read his expression, but he has a small smile playing on his lips.
“BELL! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!”
“Little devil, I wasn't expecting to see you tonight,” Bell walks into the room without a care. He isn't worried about Finley being mad at him because it doesn't matter, she isn't capable of anything that he hasn't lived through already, and she could burn the world down around him and he would walk through the flames to get to her.
The bastard is batshit crazy.