I unfolded the paper and showed it to Ash.
“What the hell is that? Is that in Russian?”
“Yup. The original Single Girl Rules were in Russian. It took a Russian exchange student a couple of days to translate them.”
“That’s why you kept hanging out with Slavanka?”
“Yeah. She was super cool.”
“I thought you were trying to find a new best friend.”
“What? Never. You’re my best friend, Ash. Always and forever.” I folded the original Single Girl Rules Russian edition back up and tucked it into the book. “I should probably leave the translated version with it, right? That’ll make things easier for the next single girl who finds them.” I pulled my Single Girl Rules membership card out of my bra and put it in the book too.
“I can’t believe they’re actually real.” Ash looked…shook.
“I told you. They’re a sacred tradition for single girls all over the world. It’s an international thing.”
“But…how? All the rules are so…ridiculous.”
“They’re not ridiculous at all! I mean just look at Rule #1: Boys are replaceable. Friends are Forever.”
“Right. That one is normal. That’s pretty much the only normal one. And you even make that rule dirty.”
She laughed. “I know. Do you remember that night when I first told you about the rules?” It was right after I’d gotten them translated. And I couldn’t wait to put them into action.
“Chastity, your wedding starts in…” she looked at her phone. “40 minutes! We need to get back.”
“Oh, I think we have some time to reminisce. We need to say goodbye to the Single Girl Rules in style.” I did jazz hands and gave Ash a little shimmy for effect.
“Right, by getting your ass married.”
“Nope. A montage. We need a montage!” I clapped my hands together.
“You’re a crazy person.”
“No. I’m a single girl. For another…38 minutes. Que the flashback scenes!”
Ash laughed. “You’re going to go through all the rules, aren’t you?”
“Is there any other way? It all started on a dark and stormy night…”
“As fun as that sounds, you’re going to miss your wedding, Chastity. Maybe y
ou can reminisce on the helicopter.”
“Shmoopie poo is amazing in every single way. That includes being a very patient man. He’d wait like ten lifetimes for me. And these flashbacks are important. They all led me to him. It’s basically the story of us. And of you and me! And of single girls all over the world!”
“Okay fine. But make it quick.”
“Yay montage time! Let’s do this damn thing! Where was I?” I cleared my throat. “It all started on a dark and stormy night… Wait! We have to go back even further. Because now that you believe the Single Girl Rules are real, you need to hear exactly how I found them.”
“Chastity! You know I hate being late! I’m going to ruin this dress with gallons of sweat.”
“On any other day I would love to make you run around fully nude, but not on my wedding day. I’m the star today! Now pop a squat and listen up. It actually all started on a bright and sunny morning…”
Chapter 1 - A Shag in the Library
13 Years Ago - Wednesday - Sept 4, 2013