I’d had to be a dick to both of them for this to work, and I didn’t expect them to ever forgive me. I didn’t want them to, because it wouldn’t be safe for them to come back into my life. If it wasn’t Adrian and Luco Bellamo, it’d be something else. I was always going to attract this shit because my position as CEO of Stone Financial gave me access to power and money that people wanted to take advantage of. I’d always be a target, and anyone I cared about would be at risk of being caught in the crossfire.
On an impulse, I pulled out my phone and dialed Hector’s number. He picked up almost immediately.
“Is everything okay?”
I suddenly remembered the bugs from Luco Bellamo all over my office. I started walking fast toward the elevator.
I chuckled. “Married bliss has made you soft. That’s how you take my calls now?”
“No. My brother only calling when his world is on fire has taught me to expect the worst when you call. So what’s wrong?”
I took the elevator to a random floor and headed for the nearest men’s room while I tried to find the right way to explain what was going through my head. “How did you know you wouldn’t regret walking away from the business?” I froze in place when I heard my own words. Where the hell had that come from?
Hector paused, too. The implication of my question was plain as day, and neither of us missed it. “I didn’t know. But I decided I could always find another job or another company. Candice seemed like a once in a lifetime kind of person.”
“Fuck,” I growled. “Is that other job you found writing for Hallmark cards?”
Hector laughed. “Since when do you make jokes? I thought you burnt that out of your personality years ago.”
“Yeah, well,” I ran my hand through my hair. I didn’t say that it was Lola who revived that part of me. She helped me remember how to have fun and let go sometimes. She’d helped me remember what it felt like when I stopped gripping my life so hard I could barely breathe. “So does any part of you regret leaving all this behind?”
“Hell no.” My brother laughed, but there was a pause. “Alright, you know what? That’s not entirely true. Yeah, I miss having that power at my fingertips. I miss waking up and knowing I was going to prove to myself that I was competent and good as hell at what I did. That was a nice feeling when I went to sleep at night–knowing that just about nobody else could’ve done what I did that day. But I still wouldn’t go back if I could. I think the problem is you can’t have both. You can’t give all of yourself to the company and to your woman. So the question isn’t whether you’ll miss being the CEO if you left, it’s which existence do you want for yourself?”
I ran my tongue over my teeth, thoughts churning. “Hm,” I said. “Alright, well, I gotta get going. Some of us have more on our plate than baking cookies with our wives and mending white picket fences.”
“You’re the one who called me, asshole. And we’re cooking brownies, actually. Not cookies.”
I grinned. “Thanks, Hector.”
There was another long pause. “You’re welcome. And you don’t have to admit this to me because I already know what you’re going through. This shit is scary. It feels permanent and in a lot of ways it is. But we made our company by taking risks. Insane risks. We trusted our instincts, though, and it paid off. You’re not going to be the CEO of your personal life if you aren’t willing to do the same thing, man. Take a risk or two. Trust your instincts. Believe you’re more than just some boring ass CEO who gets hard at the sight of a clean spreadsheet.”
I nodded, even though I knew he couldn’t see. “Alright,” I said. “I’ll talk to you later.”
I hung up and hung my head, letting my forehead thud against the bathroom mirror. Was Hector right? Was I just being a coward this whole time? I didn’t know the answer, but I knew I had to at least follow through with the plan to get Luco Bellamo out of my life. Maybe once that was over, I could try to think realistically about what I wanted to do.
Then again, I may have already fucked that option up. Lola probably didn’t want to hear an apology. I’d been a complete asshole, and even if I decided to do the unthinkable to win her back, there was no telling if it’d work. I didn’t even know if Max would ever forgive me. I still didn’t know if I could seek their forgiveness in good conscience. What if it ended up putting them in danger again?