“You do,” I state.
He straightens and stares down at me. For a moment, he’s wordless, then he says, “Yes, I do.”
“Why? If she’s such a fucking mystery to everyone, why do you get her?”
“Because we’re similar.”
I hate that.
“And because we’re similar, she feels more comfortable being open with me about certain things. She knows I won’t judge her.”
I cross my arms, loathing this secret club they’re in together.
“And because I know how she thinks,” he says, pulling me out of my defensive stance and taking my hand, “I can tell you with absolute certainty that if I break up with her right now to be with you, I would be putting you in danger. I like to think I could outsmart her and keep you safe, but that’s not a chance I’m willing to take when there are better options on the table.”
My eyes widen.
What?
Like… danger, danger?
“What… do you mean?” I ask uncertainly. “I mean, she’s horrible, but… she’s not dangerous.”
He doesn’t appear to agree, but he doesn’t explain why. His hand tightens on mine. “I need to leave you out of this, Aubrey. There’s stuff you don’t know, stuff you don’t need to know. This web was tangled long before you fell into it. It didn’t bother me before, but now…” He drops his gaze for a moment, then looks back into my eyes. “I’m working on getting out, but it’ll take some time. I know it isn’t easy, but I need you to trust me.”
Well, that’s sobering.
I swallow, unsure what to say.
He knows he has me, but he closes the distance between us, cupping my face in his hand and stroking my cheek with his thumb. “Who told you these things and upset you?”
I hesitate, remembering what Hannah said about not letting on that she helps me see things clearly where he’s concerned. The lie feels sticky in my mouth, but I know I have to utter it. “I ran into my friend Janie after school.”
He nods, his gaze shuttered. “The one you were with the night you came to my party?”
I nod, but I can’t hold his gaze. I’m not nearly as comfortable lying as he is. Still, I hope he bought it. I don’t want him to get the idea that Hannah’s a bad influence.
Or… a good influence?
He makes everything confusing.
“Well, you did tell her you didn’t have time for her, and now it’s clear you’ve been spending time with me. Maybe she’s a bit jealous,” he reasons. “Wanted to stir things up.”
Right. Because someone giving me sound and reasonable information he held back is clearly trying to stir things up.
I should keep my mouth shut, but I look up at him, wanting some kind of reassurance beyond what he’s given me. “She said you’re tricky.”
“Tricky,” he repeats, like he’s tasting the word and trying to ascertain where he’s had it before. “That’s a gentle word.”
“It’s not like I didn’t already know that, but…” I shake my head, looking up at him. He’s still holding my face. “Please don’t be fucking with me, Dare. Don’t jerk me around and make a fucking fool of me.”
“I am not jerking you around,” he promises. “I am on your side, regardless of how it might feel sometimes. I do not want to fuck anyone else. You’re the only person I want to be with.”
I want to believe him, but I’m not sure I do. “You liked her video today.”
“Yes, I did.”
I blink, a little surprised he doesn’t even act annoyed or guilty in any way about being called out on it. “So, you hardly ever engage with her content and now, after last night, you’re liking her video of you guys hanging out together and her calling you her boyfriend? What am I supposed to think of that?”
“That if I’m doing something I ordinarily don’t, I must have a reason.”
That knocks a bit of the wind out of my sails. “Well, I did figure you had a reason,” I mutter, dropping his gaze because I already know he won’t be impressed with my crazy girl rationale. “I thought you had a guilty conscience and wanted to show her some attention after spending the night with me.”
He shakes his head very slightly. “I don’t get those, and I’ve never cared to protect her feelings. Anae posting that picture of you went off-script. I have her under control again, but now I’m aware that she has started perceiving you as a big enough threat that she’s acting on it, so I have to move carefully. She’s more impulsive than I am, so there’s a very good possibility she will veer off course again if she feels provoked. I have to offer small reassurances right now to make her think I’m not going anywhere. Nothing overboard that would alarm her because it’s out of character for me, but I have to keep up appearances to keep you safe. I cannot dump her. I understand I could be lying about all this just to keep you on the side, but I’m not. That’s why I’ve asked you to trust me implicitly. I know it’s not the easiest thing to do, but it’s the only way this works.”