“And you don’t risk anything at all,” he said quietly.
“What are you talking about?” The little jeering voice inside her became a shout, telling her that he was right.
“When it comes to your heart. You hide behind your job and all the varied reasons we can’t be together. It’s all crap. You’re trying to keep yourself safe from the feelings inside you. But it doesn’t make you safe, Sienna. It makes you alone. You cut yourself off from the people you care about.”
“I do not. My job is demanding and there are a lot of reasons…”
“When you can stop lying to yourself, maybe then you’ll see the truth.”
He turned and walked away, but then stopped and came back. “I almost forgot. Here’s your souvenir.” And he pinned his trident SEAL insignia to the lapel of her jacket.
CHAPTER13
This was it. She’d gone too far. As she stood in the empty hall where the rehearsal dinner had been, she could almost hear the echo of laughter, almost feel the closeness, almost embrace the happiness.
She squeezed her eyes closed and realized in that instant how much her sister meant to her. How much she’d used her job to not only keep everyone away but isolate herself as well.
She had to let go of the past because Lynne, Scott, and Michelle were not going to disappear from her life. She didn’t have to protect herself from loving them too much.
She got in her car and drove until she found herself in front of Station House 82. She sat behind the wheel for a few minutes, and then got out.
“Hey, Detective Parker!” Sean O’Neill said, looking up from polishing the chrome of the front bumper of the big red engine.
Big, gorgeous, sandy-haired Sean with the wickedly seductive smile. Lana didn’t have a chance, Sienna thought.
“Is Lana on duty?”
“She’s on KP duty.” Sean snickered.
“Thanks,” Sienna said and as she passed him, she gave him a high five.
“Stay cool, baby,” he said and went back to polishing the chrome.
When she entered the kitchen, Lana was wiping down the big table that accommodated the large crew.
“Sienna? Didn’t you have Michelle’s dinner tonight?”
Sienna bit her lip. “I had to handle the Buckner case.”
Lana pulled out a chair. “Sit down. Are you okay?”
Sienna sank into the chair, running her hands through her hair. “Not really. I don’t know how Michelle and my parents will ever forgive me.”
“Sienna, they will understand. Just explain it to them.”
“A.J. was right. I am using my job to keep myself safe from emotions. I’ve been afraid to show anything and it’s irrational.”
Lana sat down next to her. “You’ve been jerked around so much. It’s understandable that you would feel this way. Go to them. Tell them. They’ll understand.”
“I should have realized that I was putting off the fittings and the dinners and using my job as a smoke screen. They’re so wonderful.”
“It’s not too late.”
Sienna wiped at the moisture on her cheeks. “You’re right. It’s not.”
Lana walked with her to Sienna’s car. There she hugged Lana. “Thank you. What would I do without you and Kate?”
“You don’t have to do without us, ever.”