‘Aurelio.’ She halted and licked her lips, searching for words. ‘My dad died when I was thirteen and it messed with my head for ages. For a while there I wondered if it was my fault. If I’d been better in some way maybe he’d have survived.’
Horror rounded Aurelio’s eyes. ‘No! You shouldn’t—’
‘I don’t, not anymore. But for a while I did.’ She leaned closer. ‘But there’s not a day goes by that I don’t give thanks that I had him for thirteen years. He was a terrific father, a special man. I loved him with all my heart. I’m so lucky I had him while I did. There are a lot of people who don’t get even that much time.’
‘He sounds like a good man.’
‘He was. A wonderful man, and my life would have been poorer if I hadn’t known him.’
She waited for Aurelio to say more, but he remained silent. Gradually, as the silence lengthened, annoyance tempered her sympathy. The man was so stubborn. She understood grief, she’d been through it herself. Watching the man she loved choose to cut himself off, not just from her but from their child, tore her apart. Dully she wondered if anything could put this right.
Her blood hammered in her arteries, adrenaline pumping at the sheer waste of it all. Aurelio had cared so much he didn’t dare admit love into his life again. Yet in the time she’d known him he’d proven himself not only passionate but considerate, gentle, encouraging and just plain fun.
When he wasn’t being blinkered and obstinate.
No wonder his siblings had been beside themselves with excitement last night, seeing him apparently with a partner in tow. They must have given up on him ever finding love again.
Or more precisely, ever risking his heart.
‘So that’s it?’ Amber curled her fingers around the arms of her chair. ‘You blame yourself for your fiancée’s death and you’re determined not to risk your heart again?’
‘Isn’t that enough?’ For a second, fire glimmered in his dark gaze, making Amber catch her breath.
Seconds spun out to a minute, to more, as she grappled with mixed emotions. She understood how he felt. Right now the thought of ever caring for someone else was enough to scrape her skin raw. Sheneverwanted to feel this way again.
But she still cared for Aurelio, damn it. Even if he didn’t care for her. She hated to see him like this, giving up on life.
And then there was the baby. Her hand slid to her belly to comfort that tiny life in the face of its father’s rejection.
That, finally, broke the dam of words in her throat.
‘I feel sorry for you, Aurelio. You must have loved your fiancée so much.’ She paused, swallowing. ‘But I can’t agree with you. You say you can’t do love again because you might get hurt or might let someone down.’ She shook her head so vehemently her hair swung like a dark curtain around her face.
‘We all just do the best we can. Of course we make mistakes. Of course there’ll be hurts along the way. But it’s better to care for people, to be part of love than to cut yourself off from everyone.’
He opened his mouth to speak then closed it again, his expression impenetrable but for the frown furrowing his brow.
Amber’s impatience rose. He was so determined to go it alone!
She surged to her feet. ‘So our child,yourflesh and blood, is supposed to be thankful never to know its father! You expect it to be grateful you send money for expenses. That could never make up for a parent’s love.’
Her breath came in pants as she struggled to hold herself together. Even the sight of Aurelio’s tall frame jerking in response to her words as if he’d been slapped couldn’t stop her.
‘It’s all very well to hide away in your winery and tell yourself the world doesn’t exist. That emotions don’t exist. Theydo. Love isn’t achoice, Aurelio. You don’t make a decision to love. It’s what happens when you connect with someone. When you care.’
She hefted a shaky breath but ploughed on. ‘It doesn’t matter if you spent years getting to know them or whether you looked, just once, across a room and met a soul mate.’
She caught his eye and stopped, seeing the shock in his eyes. But she refused to back down or hide.Shewasn’t a coward. Nor was she ashamed.
‘I…cared for you, Aurelio. Very much.’ Her voice wobbled betrayingly and she had to swallow past a knot of emotion before she could go on. ‘I thought you were at least the sort of man who’d care for his own child instead of rejecting it.’
Her lip trembled and she bit it hard, the salt tang of blood sharp on her tongue.
‘I thought better of you. But it seems I was wrong. If you’re the sort of man who’s too scared to eventryloving his own child, it’s far better if you don’t have anything to do with our baby.’
With one last searing glare she turned around, ignoring the aches that plagued her body. She’d aged a lifetime in just fifteen minutes.
‘I’m going to have a shower. Don’t be here when I come out.’ She walked towards the bathroom, then paused in the doorway. It took everything she had not to turn back as she spoke again. ‘I never want to see you again.’