Amber reached out and covered his fisted hand with hers. His skin was hot, the flesh hard and the fine sprinkle of hairs on the back of his hand tickled her palm. But he didn’t seem to register her touch. He was lost in his own world.
A sombre world if his expression was any mirror. He wasn’t scowling but he didn’t look happy.
Amber stroked her fingers along his taut flesh and abruptly he moved, jerking his hand away. For a long moment that ebony stare held hers, then in a surge of movement he was gone, rising from the bed and striding away.
Despite the wrenching pain in her chest, Amber found herself mesmerised by the sight of Aurelio, so strong and athletic, as he marched across the room and then back. He was completely uncaring about his nudity as he grappled with the implications of her pregnancy.
Finally he turned towards her. But instead of coming over to sit beside her, or even drawing up a chair to face her, Aurelio propped himself against the wall, feet wide and arms crossed, as if needing to brace himself.
‘There’s something you should know.’ His voice wasn’t harsh, but there was something about it that made Amber hug the robe tighter round herself.
Silently she nodded.
‘I can’t be a father.’
‘But it’s your baby! You already accepted that.’ Was he now going to demand a paternity test after all?
‘I don’t mean that. I’m not talking about getting you pregnant.’ He paused and hefted in a deep breath. Amber watched as the throbbing pulse at his temple quickened. ‘I’m talking about the ability to act as a father. To be there, all the time, for a child.’ His eyes narrowed on her and she felt his regard like a physical weight. ‘Or for a wife, for that matter.’
Confused, Amber latched onto the one statement she did understand. ‘I wasn’t asking you to marry me!’
Yet, try as she might, she couldn’t stir indignation at his implication. She was too caught up in the distress she read on his face. It was like a mask had been peeled back off his features, revealing something that looked horribly like pain.
‘Aurelio? What’s wrong?’ She was on her feet before she’d even thought about it but in that same moment he stretched out his arm, palm out towards her, warning her off. She halted, mid stride, the hand she’d half raised towards him falling at her side.
She’d never expected him to leap with instant joy and embrace her when he heard about the baby. But his reaction, not anger or suspicion, but something far more visceral, worried her. ‘What are you talking about?’
His mouth jerked up to one side in what might have passed for a smile, except it looked like it hurt him.
Amber felt the echo of that hurt in her own chest where her ribs seemed to tighten, making it difficult to draw breath.
‘I can provide financial support.’ He nodded, confirming his determination to do just that. ‘You and the baby can count on me for that.’ He paused and Amber felt her pulse pound as she waited for him to continue. Finally he did, his eyes meeting hers. ‘But that’s all I can do. I can’t…’ He waved his hand in negation. Finally he went on. ‘I can’t do any more than that. Don’t expect me to be there, sharing custody, or at your side.’ Something glittered in his eyes then disappeared. ‘I’ll have no role in the child’s life.’
The child.
Not‘our baby’. Even his choice of words distanced him. As if their baby didn’t matter.
Anger brewed, stirred by his dismissal.
‘I never expected to have you at my side, Aurelio.’ Even if she’d dreamed that perhaps, after all, it might be a possibility one day. ‘But that doesn’t stop you being a father to our baby.’ She paused, dragging in a shuddery breath. ‘Our baby,’ she emphasised the word, ‘deserves a mother and a father. It will be better—’
‘No!’ Aurelio’s hand cut the air between them. ‘It will do better without me in its life.’
Stunned, Amber stared, taking in the quick rise and fall of his chest, the rapid pulse, the beading of sweat across his upper lip. If she didn’t know better she’d almost think him sick.
‘How can I believe you if you don’t tell me what’s going on? I know you’re shocked but—’
‘It’s not shock, Amber.’
He lifted a hand and raked it back through his thick hair. Even from here she saw his fingers were unsteady. Despite herself, she wanted to reach out to him, hold him close.
‘It’s the simple truth.’ Finally, as if his strength failed, he turned and subsided into one of the lounge chairs beside him. Amber hesitated a moment then took one opposite him, her gaze locked on his taut features.
‘I can’t do…love.’ His eyes met hers and she saw without doubt that he wasn’t making excuses. This was no stunt to try avoiding parental responsibility, even if she’d believed Aurelio the sort to try that.
The man looking back at her was haggard, flesh pared back against bone and eyes haunted. He looked like a man in anguish. ‘Not again.’
‘Again?’ Shock jolted her. Then she remembered — he’d tried love and it hadn’t worked.
An aching emptiness opened up inside, hollowing her belly, carving chasms through those optimistic hopes she’d clung to, even when they seemed impossible.
Theywereimpossible! Amber wrapped her arms around her torso, holding in the hurt as her silly, stubborn heart finally cleaved in two. For the implacable light in his eyes told her, even more than words could, that he couldn’t give his love to her.
‘I was in love once, long ago. But I let her down and she died.’ Aurelio’s tone held a finality that spelled the end of any hope of happiness. ‘I haven’t been whole since. I can’t go through that again.’
He paused and when he spoke again his voice was cold as hardened steel. ‘Ican’tlove.’