Karim told himself not to read too much into that, even though he wanted to hold her close. He poured a glass of sparkling water and handed it to her, noting that her fingers felt cool to the touch.
Shock?
‘You don’t seem happy about the news.’
Whereas he, after that initial blast of surprise, felt a glow of satisfaction he had to work hard to contain. Safiyah…pregnant with their child. His whole body seemed to throb with a new vibrancy at the prospect. Even those lingering doubts about his ability to be a decent father were scattered in the face of triumphant excitement.
He watched her swallow a sip of water and then turn to put the glass down, her movements slow and deliberate as if she feared she’d drop it.
He tried again. ‘I know we didn’t discuss another child, but—’
‘It’s all right, Karim.’
Her eyes lifted to his and he was stunned to read the blankness there. A terrible nothingness that settled like a shroud over his excitement, instantly suffocating his burgeoning joy.
‘I know my duty. That’s why you married me, after all. I knew you’d want a child. I just hadn’t expected it so soon.’
‘Safiyah…?’ His flesh prickled at the eerie coolness of her voice. Where was the passionate woman he knew? The caring mother, the warm-hearted Queen, the seductive red-blooded wife? ‘Do you mean you don’t want our child?’
Karim heard the unsteadiness in his voice and didn’t care. He felt as if an unseen fist had lodged in his gut. Hunkering before her, he took her hand.
She blinked and shook her head. ‘Of course I want it.’ But she sounded choked, her voice husky as if she fought back tears. ‘I just…’
Safiyah looked away.
Karim had had enough of barriers and distance. He lifted his other hand to her chin, turning her to face him.
‘Tell me.’ His voice was soft but commanding.
For a second her eyes glowed bright, then she looked down. ‘I just need time, Karim. Bringing a child into a marriage like ours…’ She shrugged and looked up again, her mouth twisting wryly. ‘Ignore me. It’s just pregnancy hormones.’
‘No.’ He leaned closer, into her space, sensing for the first time that they teetered on the brink of the indefinable problem that still lingered between them. ‘What were you going to say?’
Safiyah’s lips thinned as if she was holding back the words by physical force, but eventually they slipped out. ‘It’s what women do in arranged marriages—breed heirs. It’s just that sometimes it feels…lacking.’
Lacking!Karim sank back on his heels, his heart racing and a dreadful queasy sensation rolling through his gut. His hand tightened on hers, as if to reinforce their connection. His other hand cupped her cheek, his thumb brushing across her mouth till it lost its prim flatness and softened against the pad of his finger. He felt the warm humidity of her breath against his flesh and awareness rippled all the way up his arm to his shoulders and neck.
Yet his stomach hollowed. He felt gutted, and a dreadful tight ache seared through his belly as her words penetrated.
He’d felt bereft the night he’d learned of his parentage. But this was worse. This was Safiyah—hisSafiyah—saying that what they had wasn’t enough.
The edges of his vision blackened. This time it was Safiyah who grabbed his hand, steadying him. So much for his careful plan to give her time to grow accustomed to them as a couple.
‘Don’t talk like that!’
‘Why not? It’s the truth.’ She breathed deeply, as if marshalling her thoughts. ‘You’re a good man, Karim. A fine ruler. And you’ve been wonderful with Tarek. Better than I dared hope for. Don’t worry. I’ll accustom myself in time.’
Accustomherself! As if it were a state of affairs she couldn’t avoid. A royal obligation.
Which it was.
Safiyah had married him for Tarek’s sake and to save her nation. She’d married dutifully and at first that had suited Karim completely.
But not now.
Karim exploded to his feet on a surge of restive energy. He marched the length of the room, spun on his heel and marched back.
Initially he’d told himself that Safiyah deserved no better. Then, later, when he’d understood the truth about her, he’d believed that if he worked hard enough he could make her care for him again as she once had, despite his mistakes. Yet it was only now, as he looked into her wan face and set features, that the full realisation of her sacrifice slammed into him.