“I know. I made a mistake back then. Your father agreed to it.”
Grady suppressed the flare of anger that burned in him. “That’s convenient. Blame the man with Alzheimer’s. Well, I’ve been over eighteen for ten years and have had Matthew in my life since then. You’ve been gone twenty years and have had plenty of chances. Where were you?”
An older man stepped up next to his mother and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close to him, offering her his support. “Janey, is everything okay?”
She patted him on the chest lightly. “Richard, this is Grady, my younger son. Matthew’s brother.”
He sucked in a breath and nodded with a cool glance at Grady. “Of course. Jane has missed you.”
“Really?” Grady couldn’t help the tone of sarcasm in his voice.
“Relationships go two ways, Grady. Just talk to her.” Matthew nudged him toward the couple and walked a few steps away, leaving Grady alone with the woman whom he hadn’t seen in years.
He walked a few yards over to the patio and buried in his hands in his pockets. “So, how do we do this? Pretend the past didn’t happen and put on a happy face for Matthew and Caroline because, honestly, I think I’m all out of smiles right now. It’s been a pretty lousy week.”
She reached out to him, paused, and pulled her hand back, as if unsure of her welcome. “We could always talk and figure this out as we go. I don’t expect you to forgive me and fall into my arms as if the past never happened. Although you never called me either or came with Matthew when he offered to bring you to dinner. I didn’t want to push in where I wasn’t wanted.”
He could hear the pain in her voice, and he winced at the truth in her statement. Matthew had often tried to bring them together but Grady had refused, stubborn pride and pain from history erecting a wall between him and his mother. Loyalty to his father and guilt over the occasional accidental meetings also added to the barriers that kept them apart.
He sighed. “I really don’t think this is the time for this family drama. This is Matthew’s day, not a family reunion or whatever the fuck this is. Honestly, I don’t know how I feel about this, about you, about reconnecting. And right now, I just can’t deal with it.”
Her shoulders slumped, and she nodded dejectedly. “I understand. I blindsided you with this, but I really didn’t know when else we could talk.”
“We had twenty years to reconnect, twenty years since you left. Matthew knew where I was. You could have found me. It’s not like I was on some deserted island and you never knew where I was. You left me and never came back. You and Dad were the adults. I’m sure Dad wasn’t easy to deal with. Trust me, I know. I lived with him. But you just walked away, as if I didn’t matter.”
She blinked at him, tears flooded her eyes. “I know, Grady. I should never have agreed to the custody agreement. I had to get away and couldn’t stay with him anymore. He wouldn’t agree to let you both go.”
He held up his hands, physically warding her off. He’d already lost Brigid this week. He didn’t have the emotional fortitude to deal with this whole bullshit too. Not with a woman who never made an effort to see him. His heart twinged at her words, knowing his father could be a ruthless bastard but it didn’t matter. She had years to rectify the mistake. “I can’t deal with this right now. This isn’t the time. I won’t avoid you, but I won’t have this discussion now. If you decide you want to talk to me after the wedding, you know how to get in touch with me.”
He turned and stumbled out of the garden, old anger and betrayal riding him hard. He had thought he had outgrown those feelings of abandonment and resentment, but, clearly, they were alive and well, and he was not ready to let them go, no matter what he said to Matthew. He only was sorry that he couldn’t make Matthew happy.
A hand on his shoulder spun him around, and he almost swung.
“Whoa, easy there, Grady. It’s just me.” Matthew stood there, holding up one hand to make sure Grady’s fist didn’t connect with his face.
Caroline would be real pissed if Matthew sported a shiner on his wedding day.
The anger flowed out of Grady as quick as it had ignited and he lowered his arm. “Sorry, man. I didn’t know it was you.”
Matthew cautiously relaxed. “I’m not sure I want to know why your first reflex was to throw a punch, but I’m guessing the conversation didn’t go well.”
Grady closed his eyes for a moment. “Look, man. I know you want us all to be one big happy family, but I just can’t do that. Not yet. Maybe not ever. I’m still too damn angry. You don’t know what Dad was like when she left. He pulled inside, barely able to get through the day. Yes, he drank a lot, but it was more than that. He was depressed and so fucking sad. I lost both my parents that day. Dad eventually pulled himself out of it, but I never forgot.”
Matthew had tears in his eyes. “I had no idea, Grady. I knew it had been rough, but I didn’t know it was that bad. If I had known…”
Grady gave a rough sound that resembled a laugh without the mirth. “You couldn’t have done anything. You were barely twelve years old yourself. What could you have done? No, we were pawns and innocent in the whole mess. I know she’s our mother, but she stopped being my mother the day she walked out of my life. She gave up that right. And no amount of apology will ever get that back. I won’t cause a scene or leave the room if she’s in it, but please, don’t make me try to pretend we’re one big happy family because we’re not. I can’t do it, not even for you.”
Matthew grabbed him and gave him a big, bear hug. “I’m so sorry that I forced the issue. With Dad being so sick, I just wanted you to have a family so you wouldn’t be alone.”
Grady pulled back. “I’m not alone. I have you and Caroline. I’m fine.”
“What about Brigid?” Matthew asked softly, his gaze laser-focused on Grady.
“She’s made her choice,” Grady stated. “Now, let’s get you married.”
It was time to let go of the past. Time to move on to a future that he wanted. Whatever that was. If only Brigid was a part of his future. But that future was gone now, and it was time he figured out what he wanted.
ChapterTwenty-Eight