But the vibe stirring the atmosphere between them right now wasn’t about friendship. What had started as an argument seemed somewhere to have become more like banter. Had they been flirting? Had all her thoughts about his hotness and how she’d have been totally into him in her before days come out as flirting?
Had he been flirting with her? In the before days, she’d have known the answer, but now she couldn’t quite believe it. He must have been, though. Because that was where they were now: the chemistry between them had sexual weight.
Upon registering all that, Siena’s first thought was the usual one: Nope. No sexual chemistry allowed. She needed to go before he got the wrong idea and turned thoughts into behavior. She needed to take a step back, tell him she hoped he enjoyed the pie and wish him a good night. Go back to her own house, where she belonged.
But she did none of that. She stood and looked up at him; he was close enough now she had to look up, because he was pretty tall, around six feet or so. Her gaze was locked with his, and she noticed for the first time how remarkable his eyes were. She’d thought they were simply brown, but they weren’t. Each time he blinked, they seemed to change color. Depending on how the light hit them, they were brown or deep green or maybe ... gold? Could eyes be gold? Or some fantastical combination of all three.
They reminded her of the mood ring she’d gotten in her Christmas stocking when she was about Geneva’s age, when that particular 70s fad had had its retro resurgence. She’d loved that cheap, adjustable-fit piece of dollar-store bling. She’d memorized all the meanings of the colors and took them as the deepest existential truths—and she’d loved how the ring so rarely was solely one color but was usually a swirl of several different colors, which seemed to be the way moods really worked.
Obviously she knew that was all bullshit now, but she looked into Cooper’s eyes and thought their color was most like the one that meant ‘restless’—and damn if that didn’t seem apt for what she knew of this man. A restless spirit.
Like a clap of thunder in a desert, another realization jolted Siena. She was into this guy. Not in the before times. Right now. For the first time in five years, since she’d had the keys to her libido removed, she wasinterested. She wasn’t backing away and saying see ya ‘round because she wanted him to getcloser.
How had it happened? They barely knew each other. Did he even like her at all? They’d basically hated each other since they’d met; only tonight, this brief interlude right here, had they managed even to be civil to each other. Yeah, he was hot. Definitely. But Siena had been sure that part of her was dead.
If it wasn’t, the idea was both amazingly exciting and entirely terrifying. On the one hand, maybe she was closer to whole than she’d thought. On the other hand, she didn’t want to be intoanyguy. Certainly not the devil-may-care biker next door, who was a member of an actual biker gang. Whether she ended up with a death sentence or not, her whole purpose in life was Geneva—keeping her safe, helping her grow up, helping her be as healthy as she could, holding her hand if she couldn’t be healthy. Geneva was all that mattered. There was no room for a man in their lives.
Also? No. She was not ever getting naked with anyone again. She never wanted to see the kind of look she’d see—be it pity or disgust or simply disappointment—in a man’s eyes as he took in what was left of her. Nope. So she needed to go before he took that last step and was close enough to touch.
But she didn’t move. This feeling, desire, was breathtaking. Oh, how she’d missed it. She’d been walking through her life with more amputations than the physical ones, but this one seemed to have grown back. What it meant, she didn’t know and wasn’t ready to examine, but she did know that if Cooper took that last step and put his hands on her, she’d welcome it. Damn her for a fool, but she wanted him to touch her.
He took the step. Now they stood so close she could smell him—he wore cologne, subtle, but rich, too. Sandalwood and spice.
Siena’s core clenched as she breathed him in.
“Can I ask you something?” he asked, his voice low and sultry.
He was going to ask if he could kiss her. Ohgod, he was a man who asked first.
Still lost in his eyes, dizzy with his scent, she nodded.
“I’ve been wondering for a while now—when you go to work, you’ve got a serious rack. But otherwise, no. Do you wear fake tits to work?”
The effect of that outrageous question was as if he’d dumped a bucket of ice water over her head and then punched her while she was trying to catch her breath. Siena actually reeled back a step with the impact of his mere words.
She’d been marveling at the reawakening of this part of herself, of herwomanhood, that had shriveled up like a bud on a cut stem. After years of thinking of herself as sexless, neither wanting nor being wanted, she’d felt desire for this man—and had, worst of all, feltdesired by him. She’d thought there was chemistry between them, that they had both felt it.
But all he’d been thinking about was her chest. Not her. In much the same way Geneva had been by the boys she’d thought were her friends, Cooper had reduced Siena to what was or was not attached to her chest.
He had totally eradicated her humanity from his consideration. And he stood there, oblivious, waiting for an answer to thevilequestion he’d asked.
Quickly, before he could see how much he’d hurt her, how close she’d been to letting him closer than she’d let anyone in years, she pulled everything about herself in deep and tight, where she could protect it. She stood tall and glared up at him.
“Go fuck yourself.” She grabbed the pie off the counter, swung around, and stormed to his front door.
“Siena? Hold up!” he called, and she could hear that he was following her.
She sped up, got to the door, and then turned, her hand clenched around the knob. He’d come as far as halfway through his living room and then stopped. His expression was so patently confused she might have laughed if she hadn’t been so close to tears.
“Just leave us alone,” she said, using the full force of her will to keep her voice steady. “Stay the fuck away from us both.”
She turned back to the door, yanked it open and fled back to the safety of her own house, moving as quickly as she could without giving him the satisfaction of seeing her run away from him.