It’s unbearable, being apart from her, but I’m at a loss for what else to do. I want to respect her wishes and not suffocate her, but I ache to hold her in my arms and tell her she belongs right here with me. I still don’t know much about her parents, but I know my girl has to be feeling an avalanche of emotions right now.
I didn’t sleep a wink that first night she was gone, and I only managed a handful of restless hours of sleep last night. We’ve texted a few times since she flew out, but it’s not enough. Her answers are vague at best, and when I ask how she’s holding up, she simply responds with, “I’ll be okay.”
Pacing around my kitchen for the twentieth time since yesterday, I try to sort through my racing thoughts. I have no clue what to do and how to help. I don’t want to crowd her or scare her off. Monty didn’t want me with her in Montana, but I’m trying to figure out why. Does she not really want me? Is this an excuse to leave me?
But no, even in my sleep-deprived, caffeine-addled brain, I know that’s not true. She’s scared, but I’m starting to understand she’s not scared ofme, per se. I think she’s scared of her feelings for me, and not sure how to depend on another person.
Tipping my morning cup of coffee up to my lips, I take a big gulp, letting the warm liquid soak into my bloodstream. I can’t take much more of this. Monty hasn’t given a timeline for when she’ll be back, or if she’s coming back at all.
My breath catches in my throat, a tight knot forming in my chest. Fuck, it hurts to think about her leaving me for good. I can’t stand the thought. My body and mind reject it immediately.
We shared so much more than our bodies these last few days. Monty showed me her fragile heart, the way she craves my sweet words and gentle touches. And even though she didn’t tell me much about her family, I know things are complicated. Her parents filled her head with lies. I wish I knew what she was believing so I could counter it with the truth - that she’s mine, she belongs right here, she’s not weak or broken for having a rough childhood. In fact, that only makes her stronger and more beautiful in my eyes.
My phone rings, startling me out of my thoughts.
“Monty?” I answer without looking.
“Still missing your girl?” my brother, Wyatt, grumbles.
“Yeah, it’s driving me fuckin’ insane,” I admit, wiping a hand down my face. My brothers all know about Monty’s family emergency. Mostly because I’ve been a miserable fuck, and grumbling about it since the moment she took off.
“So go after her,” he reasons. “You love her?”
“Of course.”
“She know that?”
“She wasn’t ready to hear it, but I think she knows.” Dammit, I shouldn’t have let her leave without clearing things up between us. She knows she’s mine. And that I’ll be right here waiting for her to come back. Right?
“Sounds like you need to clarify a few things,” Wyatt grunts.
“When did you become the relationship expert?” I muse.
“Just an observation. Sometimes we all need some extra reassurance.”
I nod, even though I know he can’t see me through the phone. “And how are the riding lessons going with your new client?” I ask, knowing full well Wyatt is smitten with the woman who showed up a few days ago.
“Don’t change the subject,” he mumbles. “We’ll tackle your girl problems first.” I’m about to tease him for having a girl, but he cuts me off. “Shut it before I hang up.”
I chuckle, rubbing the heel of my hand over my heart. It still hurts, but talking to my brother helps.
“She’s skittish,” I tell my brother. “I don’t want to overwhelm her.”
“To play devil’s advocate here, what if she’s skittish because she’s constantly protecting herself and waiting for the other shoe to drop?”
“Even so, how would me being there help?”
“Show her you’ll be there to catch the fuckin’ shoe, man.”
I consider his words, surprised that Wyatt is giving good advice. It’s not that he’s normally obtuse or anything, but the stoic, single-minded man doesn’t often have time to deal with other people’s problems. I have a feeling his new client, Kennedy, has something to do with that. I make a note to check in on her in a few days, but for now, I have enough to deal with.
“I think I need to go see her,” I say, testing the waters. Saying it out loud helps bring everything into perspective. Of course, I need to go after her. I can’t do anything from thousands of miles away.
“Yeah, no shit,” my brother deadpans, startling another laugh out of me. “Surprised it took you this long to figure it out.”
“Okay, okay, did you call just to shit on me?” I tease.
“Almost always,” he replies, the hint of a smirk in his tone.