“Oh my god,” I breathe out, unsure how to process this information. “Oh mygod,” I say again in disbelief.
“I hate to ask this of you, but I need you to come back to Montana so we can deal with the details and give them a burial.”
I don’t say anything for a few moments, too shocked to comprehend her words. Tilly startles me out of my daze, and I start nodding my head, even though I know she can’t see.
“Yeah,” I choke out. “Of course, I’ll be there.”
Griz trails his hand up and down my spine, silently offering support. For some reason, that’s my breaking point. His tender touch coupled with the shock of my parents’ deaths has me spiraling out of control.
I swallow down a sob as tears burn the back of my eyes.
“We’ll get through this, Monty,” Tilly promises. She proceeds to tell me she already has my plane ticket and she’ll forward me the booking info. It all goes over my head, a buzzing noise replacing my sister’s voice.
I see Griz reach for my phone out of the corner of my eye, slipping it out of my hand. He wraps his other arm around me, tucking me into his side.
“Tilly?” he asks. I can hear her confusion on the other end of the line, but she confirms. “I’m Griz, Monty’s…” he trails off, peering down at me before finishing his thought. “I’m Monty’s,” he repeats. “Plain and simple. Now, can you tell me what’s got my girl so upset?”
I snuggle further into his side while Griz talks to my sister.
A few minutes later, Griz hangs up and tosses my phone on the other side of the bed before gathering me up in his arms.
“I’m so sorry, Monty,” he murmurs, kissing my forehead. “What do you need from me?” I open my mouth, then close it, not sure how to respond. “Can I come with you back to Montana?”
“No,” I blurt out rather forcefully. Griz startles, and I don’t blame him. I didn’t know I had such strong feelings about him seeing my old life in Montana. “No, it’s… you can’t,” I insist, feeling panic and anxiety wind their way around my insides, squeezing the air from my lungs.
“Okay, it’s okay,” my sweet cowboy soothes me, pulling me back into his arms. Only it’s not comforting anymore. It’s suffocating.
I tear myself away from Griz, my heart wrenching itself apart from his in the most painful way. Griz reaches out for me, but I back away, not trusting myself to be that close to him.
Will he still want me when he figures out the kind of family I came from? What if he leaves? I don’t know that I could survive being abandoned by Griz. What if he regrets being with me? God, if he looked at me with disappointment or disgust, I might cease to exist.
And that’s a huge red flag.
I can’t need Griz. I can’t depend on him. I can’t afford to get caught up in the fantasy of staying here on the ranch and building a life with the cowboy of my dreams.
“Talk to me, Monty. How can I help?”
“You can’t,” I say evenly, pushing down my emotions. “I have to go. I have to deal with this, and then…”
“Are you coming back?” he murmurs.
“I have to go,” I repeat. I can’t think about the future. I just have to push through this crisis one hour at a time.
“Let me at least help you pack and give you a ride,” he offers, climbing off the bed and gathering a pair of sweats off the floor before slipping them on.
“No, I just… I have to go.”
Numbly, I swing my legs over the bed, wiggling my toes before planting my feet on the floor. I need to get out of here and clean up the disaster that is my life. Then maybe, just maybe I can be good enough for Griz.
TEN
Griz
Forty-eight hours.
Forty-eight excruciating hours since Monty left in tears. It fuckin’ killed me not to go with her, but she was at her breaking point. My girl doesn’t know how to accept love and support, and it was all overwhelming her at that moment.
The coffee maker beeps, and I go through the motions of pouring myself a mug. I feel like I’m moving through molasses, each movement taking forever. My body is heavy, the absence of Monty like a physical weight baring down on me twenty-four-seven.