I’d expected Mrs. Horton to come knocking at the door, rain or not, to try and talk me out of my escape, but she hadn’t shown up. I don’t know how to feel about that. She’s the only one I could turn to, the only other person who would understand. I felt so cold and alone at the thought.
I’d been sure that I could do this, that I could endure come what may as long as I got to be with Nick. Even now, the love I have for him would not falter, but in the end, it isn’t enough. His hatred is more than I can bear. I felt sorry for Hal and Jan, though, to be honest, I feel more so for myself.
Maybe that’s why the whole thing had fallen apart. It was because of my own selfishness. I’d wanted him from the moment I first saw him, had lied and deceived him along with the others to get what I wanted. The truth is, someone like him would never look twice at me, not without the attachment spell.
I’d known this all along, had convinced myself that I was doing it more for the other couple than for my own selfish wants and needs, but in the end, the truth will out, and I had lost. Now two people who deserved their second chance at love won’t get it because of me.
I cried into the pillow as my hand went to my tummy. Even now, my selfishness is still strong because even as the rain and the wind howled, even as I felt the pain of loss, there was something I had to hold onto. Nick may never know, I won’t ever get my happily ever after, and neither will Jan and Hal, but I will always have a little piece of him to remember him by.
The fear of being alone and destitute didn’t outweigh the budding joy I felt. Who knew love was this complicated? I’d played the game and lost in both worlds, which only means that Nick would never love me the way I dreamed of. No matter how many marks he’d left on my body or how many times he’d taken me as if he couldn’t get enough, things I only know after the fact, after I’d seen the evidence, he still didn’t want me enough in any other way.
I cried into the pillow, feeling sorry for myself, but I had no one else to blame. I’d been selfish, all of us were, for not telling him the truth from the beginning. Maybe if we’d done that, things might’ve turned out different. Maybe if we’d been honest, this rift between us wouldn’t exist.
I cried until my shoulders shook, until my throat grew raw. I didn’t cry just for me, or even Hal and my aunt Jan. I cried for the child that may never know its father. I cried for the love that never had a chance. I cried for my aunt, who I’d disappointed. By the time I started drifting off to sleep, I’d cried myself dry.
The last thing I saw before my eyes closed was Nick coming to me, but I knew it was just my imagination, and somehow it broke my heart even more as the last tear fell.
NICK
I stood over her as she slept, my heart still racing with fear. After the old lady had made her announcement, she’d clammed up like she hadn’t meant to say what she had. But I wasn’t about to leave it at that. I was sure before she explained that she was talking about mine and Ellie’s child that somehow in the midst of this mess, I’d gotten her with child.
“Ellie says you were beginning to break out of it that you were almost there, but something was holding you back. We don’t have time for you to pull yourself together, not if you don’t want her and the child to disappear here.” She pulled a bag from the purse she carried and tossed it to me.
Inside was a sheet or some kind of cloth bundle. I looked up at her questioningly. “What am I supposed to do with this?” Damn quack.
“Open it.” I did as she asked and unfolded the sheet until I saw the stain of blood. Visions flashed behind my eyes, scenes of Ellie and me, of me deep inside her. “Is this…?”
“That’s her virgin blood.”
As long as I live, I’ll never forget what those words made me feel. The riot of emotions that bombarded my system just then I’ve never felt before. It’s as if all the anger and distrust melted away under the evidence I held in my hands. I wanted to run after her right away, but the old lady had played hardball.
“What’s the point?” She’d asked. As if it hadn’t been obvious.