I leaned into his touch, and it made me feel weak and strong at the same time. Even though I was angry, I wanted to forgive him. I wanted to forgive myself. Hopefully, in time…
“I told you once I’m not going anywhere,” he reminded me. “I’m the one who should be asking if you still love me. If we still have a shot at this. Have I lost you? I’m the one that brought you into this world. I’m the one that didn’t let you go. I’m the one that hoped you’d stay.”
I took a deep breath and leaned back. “I don’t know what life looks like on the other side, Boxer. I can’t promise what it’ll look like. It’s all murky. It’ll be murky for a long, long time. Even after physical therapy. Even after counseling. Even after I find my new normal, I still won’t be who I used to be. When you look at me, will you be able to forgive yourself for not protecting me?”
“Jesus, Linden. I wish I could go back in time and undo everything that’s happened.”
“Well, you can’t. Life doesn’t work that way and wishing for a different outcome is stupid. It prevents you from moving forward.”
“Can we? Move forward?” he asked. “We were just about to get there. We were just about to figure out our lives together, and then this happened. Can we ever be happy again?”
“Yeah. I think we can still be happy.”
“You do?”
I nodded slowly. “I think so. I really do. Because I know one thing for certain: It was hard enough to find you when I thought I was normal. It was hard enough finding someone who loved me, quirks and all. Now I’m not normal.”
“Hold on a second,” he began, “I don’t want you staying with me for that reason. You don’t have to bestuckwith me or the club.”
I lowered the blanket of the bed that was covering me. I inched up my hospital gown and pointed to the bandage on my hip. “I have a giant D branded onto my body, like I’m a piece of livestock. Even after it heals, even after plastic surgery to remove the scar, even after I decide to turn it into a tattooed piece of art, to make something ugly and gruesome into something beautiful, it will always be there as a reminder of what I’ve been through. I’ll never forget. Neither will you.”
“Linden…”
“I’ll tell you the name of the town,” I stated. “But you have to promise me something.”
“Anything.”
“I want you to bring him to me.”
“What?”
“I’m in, Boxer. I’m all in. I’ll be part of this world. Not just because I was pulled into it, but because I choose this. I chooseyouand the club. But you have to do this for me. You have to bring him to me, and you have to let me be the one to kill him.”
He didn’t say anything for a long moment. He stared at me and then looked at the ground and then back to me. “I have to take this to the club. I have to take this to the brothers, and we have to vote on it. But I’ll go to bat for you with them if I have to, to sway them.”
I raised my eyebrows in surprise. “I wasn’t expecting that to be your answer.”
“You expected me to try and talk you out of it?”
“Yes,” I said. “Why aren’t you?”
“You know your own mind, and I won’t disrespect you by choosing for you.”
“Thank you,” I said, my throat thick with emotion. “Youhaveto tell the Old Ladies. Maybe not specifics, but they need to know to be on their guard. They have to know they’re in danger.”
“They know,” he said. “They’ve been in lockdown at the clubhouse since you were kidnapped.”
“Seriously? None of them said anything.”
He shrugged.
“But Mia was the one who found me,” I said. “What was she doing out of the clubhouse?”
“Crow was with her,” he said. “Anytime any of the Old Ladies had to leave for whatever reason, they had a prospect or a brother with them for protection.”
I swallowed and looked down at my broken hand.
“What? What do you want to ask?”