“Down for the night.”
He chuckled, but it sounded rusty and forced. “What did you have to promise him to keep him in bed?”
“That’s between me and Colt.”
My comment had the effect I wanted; it caused Boxer to throw his head back and shout with laughter. He draped an arm around my shoulder and dragged me close to him.
I sighed thinking maybe we’d be okay. Maybe we’d all get through this.
“Can I ask you something?” I asked.
“Shoot.”
“Have you ever hated someone so much that you wanted to kill him? Actually close your hands around his throat and choke the life out of him?”
“Have another sip of whiskey,” he suggested. “And ask me what you really want to ask.”
I drank and then wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. “I want to kill Dev.”
“I know.”
“I mean, I want to,”—I swallowed—“hurt him. And then I want to be the one to end his life. I’m not joking. I am dead fucking serious.”
Boxer rubbed a thumb across his lips. “Have you talked to Colt about this?”
“Sort of. When he was in the hospital. I want your thoughts, though.”
“Why mine?”
“Because underneath that carefree exterior beats the heart of a savage.” I looked at him and raised an eyebrow, daring him to deny my assessment of him.
“A woman who sees me for what I am, and who’s bloodthirsty for revenge. Damn fucking shame Colt got to you first.”
“Boxer,” I said quietly. “Please.”
He paused for a moment and sobered. “Revenge is a beast that stands alone, Mia. You get it, thinking its gonna make you feel better, thinking it will replace that thing you lost. Sometimes it is that way. You get revenge and it’s all you need to sleep well at night. Feel like you did right. But other times…other times, living with what you’ve had to do to even the score?” He shrugged. “That might haunt you worse than the losses.” He looked at me. “You wanna be the one to put the gun to Dev’s head and pull the trigger? Do you have what it takes to end a man’s life?”
“I took a shot at him in the park,” I said.
“So I heard. Were you actually trying to kill him? Or wound him?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
He scraped a hand across his whiskered jaw in need of a shave. “From what I heard, if Ramsey hadn’t tackled you, you’d have been successful.”
“Huh. That’s an interesting piece I didn’t know.” I paused. “ I’m consumed with rage and I’ve never felt like this in my life.”
“People are complex, Mia, and the world is gray. Our actions are sometimes dark and sometimes light. What you did for that boy? That’s all good. It’s the light in you that makes you a good person. Will killing a man take that away from you and make you dark? No, but thinking about murder and committing murder are two very different things. I’m guessing you already know how I know that. One thing I will say though, I won’t be the one to take the choice away from you.”
“You didn’t answer my question. Do you think I could end a man’s life?”
“Yeah, I do. There’s strength in you, Mia. But Colt would never let you pull the trigger.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s his right as president to execute the man that killed one of our brothers. Plus—well—he would never want you to have to live with the weight of that decision. That is his cross to bear.”
“He’ll take away the choice from me so I don’t have to worry about it? That doesn’t work for me.”