Chapter 2
The answer may not lie at the bottom of the beer bottle, but I’m going to keep checking anyway.
Icome to a screeching halt when I walk into McGraw’s Pub on New Year’s Eve. The place is literally packed with men; none of whom are wearing pants. Thank goodness they’re wearing underwear. I can’t imagine the amount of cleaning and disinfecting necessary if naked asses had been all over the chairs. Blech.
I walk to the uncles’ table because if anyone is behind the place being full of pantless men, it’s Hailey’s uncles. The four poker buddies of Hailey’s dad aren’t technically her uncles. Lenny, Barney, Wally, and Sid ‘adopted’ her after her mom took off when she was twelve. My perfectly normal family can’t hold a candle to Hailey’s makeshift family. And no, I’m not jealous – much.
Hailey pushes me out of the way and slams her hands down on the uncles’ table. Barney opens his mouth – probably to tell a dirty joke, the man can’t get enough of his jokes – but Hailey growls and shoots daggers out of her eyes at him. His mouth snaps closed.
“What did you do?”
Wally’s eyes widen as he places a hand over his heart in the worst imitation of innocence ever. “Why are you looking at me? It wasn’t me.”
Hailey rolls her eyes. “Yeah, right. And Suzie didn’t fall once today.”
“Hey!” I lift up my hands and take a step back. “Why are you bringing me into this?”
“Like you don’t get off on these pranks.”
I totally love these pranks, but I know better than to open my mouth and say anything of the sort right now. Contrary to popular opinion, I’m not an idiot.
Hailey’s attention returns to Wally. “Don’t make me ask you a third time.”
“Come on, honey.” Aiden places an arm over her shoulders and pulls her tight to him. “You knew they’d play some prank.”
“But I didn’t think I’d have to look at hairy asses in panther print thongs. I get enough of hairy asses at my day job, thank you very much.”
“Panther print thong?” I stand on my tiptoes and check out all the asses. What kind of man wears a thong?
“Where?” I cringe when I see the man she points to. Oh my. If you’re going to wear a thong, you should wax. It looks like there’s a strip of material being hugged by two gorillas.
Hailey grabs my hand when I take a step in his direction. “What? I’m going to give him the number of my waxer. He’ll thank me later.” She tightens her grip and shakes her head.
“You’re no fun,” I pout.
“Why does Santa Clause have such a big sack?” Barney asks. This I gotta hear. “He only comes once a year.”
He guffaws and sticks out his fist. I bump his fist while rolling my eyes. Barney does love his dirty jokes. And they only get dirtier the more he drinks. Something to look forward to.
“Hey, Barney,” Hailey shouts to be heard. “Pretty cool trick Wally pulled off, wasn’t it?”
Barney shrugs. “He posted on Twitter. Big deal.”
“I knew it,” she shouts before rounding on me. “I thought you shut the Twitter account down.”
I raise my hands in surrender. “I did! I promise.”
Wally snorts. “As if a little thing like a password can stop me.”
“International No Pants Day – get a free drink if you show up with no pants,” Hailey reads the tweet from the McGraw’s Pub Twitter account. “Who is stupid enough to come to a bar on New Year’s Eve without pants when it’s ten below outside?”
I motion to the room full of men in their underwear. Obviously, a whole bunch of people. The women are much smarter than the men. Naturally. They’re all in skirts.
“Hey, Babycakes,” Hailey’s dad says as he joins us. He kisses her forehead before lifting his chin to Aiden.
“Hi, Pops.” Hailey tilts her head toward the crowd. “You’re not mad?”
“Nah.” He smirks. Oh goodie. If he’s not mad, then he’s already planning his revenge on his former Army buddies. I can’t wait.